About Butches Q & A

[Mormegil]

I dont really know where I stand. My brother has told me countless times that im butch. and i do wear masculine clothing and have other traits associated with being butch.

But when i look into the mirror , i dont feel "butch" , I dont feel anything. not femme or butch. I simply exist.
I dont feel very feminine or masculine at all. But sometimes the balance i seem to have shifts one way or the other and then i return to the middle. and i tend to be extremely flexible when it comes to a partner. if she is more masculine iam usually more submissive unless she is. and if shes femme I can be her gentleman . I comfortably shift according to the needs or vibes she gives off , but its not something i do at will , it just kinda happens naturally by itself.

[ProfPacker]

Mormegil, I understand how you feel. When I was younger I felt that way although I always liked more femme women (even if they didn't traditionally present that way). As I get older I am taking on a more butch sense, however in truth I feel a lot like you most of the time...more butch (and in behavior and mental thoughts definitely) soft, athletic butch in presentation but find clothes hard to buy because a lot of time with fashion I am in the middle...mind more metrosexual...body not exactly there these day.

I am just me and each day I feel more and more like that is ok. This week is graduation week at the college I teach at and under my robes (hot in the sun I will tell you that) I will be dressed professionally in linen, soft butch like but will probably wear some eye make up....etc. I think it is more to be comfortable with who you feel you are at the moment and not have to dress or act within the guidelines of any labels...that is my thought for the day...although like I said I ID as butch...even with man liner I feel more butch. when I am with a woman, more dominant and gentlemanly, etc.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Mormegil

I dont really know where I stand. My brother has told me countless times that im butch. and i do wear masculine clothing and have other traits associated with being butch.

But when i look into the mirror , i dont feel "butch" , I dont feel anything. not femme or butch. I simply exist.
I dont feel very feminine or masculine at all. But sometimes the balance i seem to have shifts one way or the other and then i return to the middle. and i tend to be extremely flexible when it comes to a partner. if she is more masculine iam usually more submissive unless she is. and if shes femme I can be her gentleman . I comfortably shift according to the needs or vibes she gives off , but its not something i do at will , it just kinda happens naturally by itself.

If it was the 1950's, they would call you kiki since you could switch back and forth. Back then you had to choose butch or femme and if you could not slide yourself (or force yourself, I suspect), into one of those roles (or gender identity, depending upon how you saw it), you were called "kiki", with the expectation that you could go back and forth depending on who you partnered with.

Anyway, you don't have to be butch or femme. That is just one tiny slice of the lesbian/queer community. Seems to me it is a great way to fly...more choices! ha!

Remember, even if you don't identify as butch or femme (or trans, for that matter), you are welcome here.

P.S. No one is allowed to define you, but you. Especially not your brother!

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by Mormegil

I dont really know where I stand. My brother has told me countless times that im butch. and i do wear masculine clothing and have other traits associated with being butch.

But when i look into the mirror , i dont feel "butch" , I dont feel anything. not femme or butch. I simply exist.
I dont feel very feminine or masculine at all. But sometimes the balance i seem to have shifts one way or the other and then i return to the middle. and i tend to be extremely flexible when it comes to a partner. if she is more masculine iam usually more submissive unless she is. and if shes femme I can be her gentleman . I comfortably shift according to the needs or vibes she gives off , but its not something i do at will , it just kinda happens naturally by itself.

I hope it's OK for me to comment in this thread even though I'm not butch. There's no need for you to make decisions about how to present. It's really, REALLY perfectly OK to just be who you are in the moment. No one else gets to tell you how that 'should' be, or to identify you as butch or femme. Simply existing is just fine. Most of the butch and femme women I know simply exist, which places them somewhere in a vast galaxy of possible presentations. A few of those women are extraordinarily masculine, and others are really traditionally feminine. Most of the others fall somewhere in between. They aren't posturing. It's just who they are. And that's great.

By the way, I understand that there's a societal assumption that masculine=dominant, and feminine=submissive. That assumption is problematic for many of us. You can be very masculine and not at all dominant, and vice versa.

[Corkey]

Just as cloths don't make the person, hair styles, shoes,shirts kilt, whatever one wears does not make them who they are. I could wear a dress and still be presenting as male, you'd soooo know the difference. Here's the thing, how ever she presents doesn't change who she is. Humans have been trying to figure this thing out for millinia, (sp) and it still comes down to ....Be You.