Relationships - What things do you want & need?

Smiling · 05-28-2015, 08:31 PM

Okay, forget all that nonsense I spouted in here before; I didn't know what I was talking about.

Love, schmove. I changed my mind and now I just want someone who is willing to take care of all the pest control and I don't care about anything else, okay? I'm going to have nightmares tonight about the family of the HUGE bug I just killed coming back to exact their vengeance upon me as I sleep.

lol, and you will totally score if, much like St. Patrick driving all the snakes out of Ireland, you remove all the bugs and arachnids and snakes and whatever else might be living here. Bonus points for their relocation in lieu of extermination.

But don't dare touch those bees! I like those.

imperfect_cupcake · 05-30-2015, 08:51 PM

Here is a great example of what I mean by intimacy and ease, rather than intensity and clash

Science Says Lasting Relationships Come Down To 2 Basic Traits

"The masters, by contrast, showed low physiological arousal. They felt calm and connected together, which translated into warm and affectionate behavior, even when they fought. It’s not that the masters had, by default, a better physiological make-up than the disasters; it’s that masters had created a climate of trust and intimacy that made both of them more emotionally and thus physically comfortable."

The difference between how couples react to each other seem to indicate how long they will last.

Read more: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/ar...#ixzz3bgFn4aRe

JDeere · 05-30-2015, 08:53 PM

I want someone who wants ALL of me! Is that so damn hard to come by?

imperfect_cupcake · 05-30-2015, 09:14 PM

Personally? Yes, it is. Usually people are swept up in their ideas and ideals of others, rather than the reality of the other.

I think it will take someone a really long time to know if they want *all* of me. Because they won't know all of me till they spend a long time getting to know who the hell I am. And how I am with different people and different situations.

So, yes, I think is a very rare thing to come by. And even rarer to have it mutual.

JustLovelyJenn · 05-31-2015, 10:21 AM

Recently... I am realizing how important it is to me that my partner and I are sexually compatible. This doesn't just mean... its good. It means common interests in the bedroom... my kink list is fast becoming part of the interview process.

anotherbutch · 05-31-2015, 12:43 PM

Honesty, integrity, a little vanity, and maybe a little humility would be nice... but I must say, sanity has to be at the top of the list.

Sammy583 · 05-31-2015, 01:58 PM

In the future I will be looking for someone who is..
caring, honest, knows who they are, knows what they want in life, works for what they want, puts themselves and people they care about first in life.

Someone who can be serious at times it is needed but also someone who can handle my sarcasm and also has a sense of humor.

Someone who has dreams, passion and ambition.

Someone who is strong, will do what's needed to take care of themselves, me and us just as I always would as well.

VintageFemme · 11-27-2015, 08:12 PM

Lately it seems those that I'm dating and/or meeting are looking more for a girl friend than a girlfriend. It seems they are more interested in hanging out and having someone to talk to, etc. And while that's all fine and well, it's absolutely not what I need in a relationship. Maybe it's my age group. I dunno. I so hope not. I need a good old fashioned butch/femme full on relationship that includes passion and excitement as well as companionship and comfort. Goddess, I hope I'm just in some kind of bad juju place and this is not the way it is or is going to be in my future. I couldn't bear that.

As for 'the list' - someone who is...

creative
independent
sexual
extremely witty
charming/old fashioned
grounded with spontaneous tendencies

I need a lot of attention when I need it and then a lot of space when I need that too. I'm so freaking hard to handle, it's insane so I need a lot of patience and sticktoitnivness. Yeah, that's what I need in a relationship, sticktoitniveness.

imperfect_cupcake · 11-28-2015, 03:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VintageFemme

Lately it seems those that I'm dating and/or meeting are looking more for a girl friend than a girlfriend. It seems they are more interested in hanging out and having someone to talk to, etc. And while that's all fine and well, it's absolutely not what I need in a relationship. Maybe it's my age group. I dunno. I so hope not. I need a good old fashioned butch/femme full on relationship that includes passion and excitement as well as companionship and comfort. Goddess, I hope I'm just in some kind of bad juju place and this is not the way it is or is going to be in my future. I couldn't bear that.

As for 'the list' - someone who is...

creative
independent
sexual
extremely witty
charming/old fashioned
grounded with spontaneous tendencies

I need a lot of attention when I need it and then a lot of space when I need that too. I'm so freaking hard to handle, it's insane so I need a lot of patience and sticktoitnivness. Yeah, that's what I need in a relationship, sticktoitniveness.

Vintage, we may want completely different things but I often feel like I am the only person in butch-femme land who wants what I do. Mostly I get people who want what I feel are rigid formulaic formal and stiff awkward (for me) dates that don't feel that treat me like an individual girl. Just a cut out gender representative to shovel fill in the blank formula romance on. And I feel invisible and sad rather than romanced.

It feel pretty much like I'm the only one that feels this way too.

I think it's a human condition to feel that way.

JDeere · 11-28-2015, 09:10 AM

Sex and attention! Lots of both please. If I don't get either often I turn into Mr. Asshole.

VintageFemme · 11-28-2015, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Vintage, we may want completely different things but I often feel like I am the only person in butch-femme land who wants what I do. Mostly I get people who want what I feel are rigid formulaic formal and stiff awkward (for me) dates that don't feel that treat me like an individual girl. Just a cut out gender representative to shovel fill in the blank formula romance on. And I feel invisible and sad rather than romanced.

It feel pretty much like I'm the only one that feels this way too.

I think it's a human condition to feel that way.

I feel invisible a lot of the time too.

JustLovelyJenn · 11-30-2015, 08:54 PM

This made me smile today... and it seemed appropriate for here.

Happyfemme · 07-16-2018, 06:36 PM

I need for the person to be kind, caring, respectful, intelligent, hard working, understanding, protective, and perform gender in a masculine way. Also no issues with alcohol, substances, or other addictive behaviors. The person and I are focused on each other and how to build the relationship. There should never be a situation in which the person is putting me or others down.
I want the person to be older than I am.

clay · 07-16-2018, 08:27 PM

That is a great list happyfemme. Wishing you much success in finding that in someone.

I love to see love stories happen!

Happyfemme · 07-28-2018, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Happyfemme

I need for the person to be kind, caring, respectful, intelligent, hard working, understanding, protective, and perform gender in a masculine way. Also no issues with alcohol, substances, or other addictive behaviors. The person and I are focused on each other and how to build the relationship. There should never be a situation in which the person is putting me or others down.
I want the person to be older than I am.

I think I enjoy most of these qualities in friends as well.

05-28-2015, 08:31 PM	#1
Smiling Senior Member How Do You Identify?: with a distinct flair Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: somewhere else Posts: 1,852 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,623 Thanked 4,388 Times in 1,009 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Okay, forget all that nonsense I spouted in here before; I didn't know what I was talking about. Love, schmove. I changed my mind and now I just want someone who is willing to take care of all the pest control and I don't care about anything else, okay? I'm going to have nightmares tonight about the family of the HUGE bug I just killed coming back to exact their vengeance upon me as I sleep. lol, and you will totally score if, much like St. Patrick driving all the snakes out of Ireland, you remove all the bugs and arachnids and snakes and whatever else might be living here. Bonus points for their relocation in lieu of extermination. But don't dare touch those bees! I like those. __________________ Beauty is truth's smile when she beholds her own face in a perfect mirror. -Rabindranath Tagore Last edited by Smiling; 05-28-2015 at 08:36 PM. Reason: I'm actually traumatized.

05-30-2015, 08:53 PM	#3
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,833 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	I want someone who wants ALL of me! Is that so damn hard to come by? __________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein

05-31-2015, 10:21 AM	#5
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,992 Times in 3,684 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Recently... I am realizing how important it is to me that my partner and I are sexually compatible. This doesn't just mean... its good. It means common interests in the bedroom... my kink list is fast becoming part of the interview process. __________________ --Jenn

11-27-2015, 08:12 PM	#8
VintageFemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Outside Posts: 2,299 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,828 Thanked 7,620 Times in 1,655 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Lately it seems those that I'm dating and/or meeting are looking more for a girl friend than a girlfriend. It seems they are more interested in hanging out and having someone to talk to, etc. And while that's all fine and well, it's absolutely not what I need in a relationship. Maybe it's my age group. I dunno. I so hope not. I need a good old fashioned butch/femme full on relationship that includes passion and excitement as well as companionship and comfort. Goddess, I hope I'm just in some kind of bad juju place and this is not the way it is or is going to be in my future. I couldn't bear that. As for 'the list' - someone who is... creative independent sexual extremely witty charming/old fashioned grounded with spontaneous tendencies I need a lot of attention when I need it and then a lot of space when I need that too. I'm so freaking hard to handle, it's insane so I need a lot of patience and sticktoitnivness. Yeah, that's what I need in a relationship, sticktoitniveness. __________________ Unfinished Business & Open to Serendipity

11-30-2015, 08:54 PM	#12
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,992 Times in 3,684 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	This made me smile today... and it seemed appropriate for here. __________________ --Jenn

05-30-2015, 08:51 PM	#2
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Here is a great example of what I mean by intimacy and ease, rather than intensity and clash Science Says Lasting Relationships Come Down To 2 Basic Traits "The masters, by contrast, showed low physiological arousal. They felt calm and connected together, which translated into warm and affectionate behavior, even when they fought. It’s not that the masters had, by default, a better physiological make-up than the disasters; it’s that masters had created a climate of trust and intimacy that made both of them more emotionally and thus physically comfortable." The difference between how couples react to each other seem to indicate how long they will last. Read more: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/ar...#ixzz3bgFn4aRe

05-30-2015, 09:14 PM	#4
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Personally? Yes, it is. Usually people are swept up in their ideas and ideals of others, rather than the reality of the other. I think it will take someone a really long time to know if they want all of me. Because they won't know all of me till they spend a long time getting to know who the hell I am. And how I am with different people and different situations. So, yes, I think is a very rare thing to come by. And even rarer to have it mutual.

05-31-2015, 12:43 PM	#6
anotherbutch Senior Member How Do You Identify?: butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single and very content this way... Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: the midwest Posts: 1,784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 317 Thanked 1,298 Times in 365 Posts Rep Power: 9955620	Honesty, integrity, a little vanity, and maybe a little humility would be nice... but I must say, sanity has to be at the top of the list.

05-31-2015, 01:58 PM	#7
Sammy583 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Working on it. Join Date: May 2015 Location: SunShine State Posts: 80 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39 Thanked 178 Times in 42 Posts Rep Power: 1294001	In the future I will be looking for someone who is.. caring, honest, knows who they are, knows what they want in life, works for what they want, puts themselves and people they care about first in life. Someone who can be serious at times it is needed but also someone who can handle my sarcasm and also has a sense of humor. Someone who has dreams, passion and ambition. Someone who is strong, will do what's needed to take care of themselves, me and us just as I always would as well.

11-28-2015, 09:10 AM	#10
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,833 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Sex and attention! Lots of both please. If I don't get either often I turn into Mr. Asshole.

07-16-2018, 06:36 PM	#13
Happyfemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Engaged Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: United States Posts: 1,666 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,303 Thanked 4,940 Times in 1,495 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I need for the person to be kind, caring, respectful, intelligent, hard working, understanding, protective, and perform gender in a masculine way. Also no issues with alcohol, substances, or other addictive behaviors. The person and I are focused on each other and how to build the relationship. There should never be a situation in which the person is putting me or others down. I want the person to be older than I am.

07-16-2018, 08:27 PM	#14
clay Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch (Silver Fox) Dom Daddi Preferred Pronoun?: 50 Shades of Clay Darker & Deeper Relationship Status: married to my forever Join Date: May 2011 Location: salt air & sandy beaches Posts: 13,136 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 97,020 Thanked 31,666 Times in 7,748 Posts Rep Power: 21474864	That is a great list happyfemme. Wishing you much success in finding that in someone. I love to see love stories happen! __________________ To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness. ~Robert Brault