Relationships - What things do you want & need?

[JDeere]

I want someone who wants ALL of me! Is that so damn hard to come by?

[imperfect_cupcake]

Personally? Yes, it is. Usually people are swept up in their ideas and ideals of others, rather than the reality of the other.

I think it will take someone a really long time to know if they want *all* of me. Because they won't know all of me till they spend a long time getting to know who the hell I am. And how I am with different people and different situations.

So, yes, I think is a very rare thing to come by. And even rarer to have it mutual.

[JustLovelyJenn]

Recently... I am realizing how important it is to me that my partner and I are sexually compatible. This doesn't just mean... its good. It means common interests in the bedroom... my kink list is fast becoming part of the interview process.

[anotherbutch]

Honesty, integrity, a little vanity, and maybe a little humility would be nice... but I must say, sanity has to be at the top of the list.

[Sammy583]

In the future I will be looking for someone who is..
caring, honest, knows who they are, knows what they want in life, works for what they want, puts themselves and people they care about first in life.

Someone who can be serious at times it is needed but also someone who can handle my sarcasm and also has a sense of humor.

Someone who has dreams, passion and ambition.

Someone who is strong, will do what's needed to take care of themselves, me and us just as I always would as well.

[JDeere]

Someone who can show their feelings, even if they are scared to death!

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by JDeere

Someone who can show their feelings, even if they are scared to death!

< would fail miserably at that!

Not my strong point. 11 years in a culture where it's considered rude to be emotionally expressive (it's perceived that to do so is requiring those around you to cope with them) so I tend to keep my feelings to myself unless it's very private. However, I'm completely open and vocal about what I *think*

But those are two different things.

Good for you for knowing what you need in that regard!

[VintageFemme]

Lately it seems those that I'm dating and/or meeting are looking more for a girl friend than a girlfriend. It seems they are more interested in hanging out and having someone to talk to, etc. And while that's all fine and well, it's absolutely not what I need in a relationship. Maybe it's my age group. I dunno. I so hope not. I need a good old fashioned butch/femme full on relationship that includes passion and excitement as well as companionship and comfort. Goddess, I hope I'm just in some kind of bad juju place and this is not the way it is or is going to be in my future. I couldn't bear that.

As for 'the list' - someone who is...

• creative
• independent
• sexual
• extremely witty
• charming/old fashioned
• grounded with spontaneous tendencies

I need a lot of attention when I need it and then a lot of space when I need that too. I'm so freaking hard to handle, it's insane so I need a lot of patience and sticktoitnivness. Yeah, that's what I need in a relationship, sticktoitniveness.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by VintageFemme

Lately it seems those that I'm dating and/or meeting are looking more for a girl friend than a girlfriend. It seems they are more interested in hanging out and having someone to talk to, etc. And while that's all fine and well, it's absolutely not what I need in a relationship. Maybe it's my age group. I dunno. I so hope not. I need a good old fashioned butch/femme full on relationship that includes passion and excitement as well as companionship and comfort. Goddess, I hope I'm just in some kind of bad juju place and this is not the way it is or is going to be in my future. I couldn't bear that.

As for 'the list' - someone who is...

• creative
• independent
• sexual
• extremely witty
• charming/old fashioned
• grounded with spontaneous tendencies

I need a lot of attention when I need it and then a lot of space when I need that too. I'm so freaking hard to handle, it's insane so I need a lot of patience and sticktoitnivness. Yeah, that's what I need in a relationship, sticktoitniveness.

Vintage, we may want completely different things but I often feel like I am the only person in butch-femme land who wants what I do. Mostly I get people who want what I feel are rigid formulaic formal and stiff awkward (for me) dates that don't feel that treat me like an individual girl. Just a cut out gender representative to shovel fill in the blank formula romance on. And I feel invisible and sad rather than romanced.

It feel pretty much like I'm the only one that feels this way too.

I think it's a human condition to feel that way.

[JDeere]

Sex and attention! Lots of both please. If I don't get either often I turn into Mr. Asshole.

[boioboi]

Want: sex (minimum twice a week), homecooked meals, attention, weekly date nights, monthly road trips, listening without fixing things

Need: naked snuggle time on a nightly basis, make out sessions, trust, honesty, authenticity, kisses, empathy, compassion, patience, understanding

[VintageFemme]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Vintage, we may want completely different things but I often feel like I am the only person in butch-femme land who wants what I do. Mostly I get people who want what I feel are rigid formulaic formal and stiff awkward (for me) dates that don't feel that treat me like an individual girl. Just a cut out gender representative to shovel fill in the blank formula romance on. And I feel invisible and sad rather than romanced.

It feel pretty much like I'm the only one that feels this way too.

I think it's a human condition to feel that way.

I feel invisible a lot of the time too.

[angelface]

Originally Posted by VintageFemme

I feel invisible a lot of the time too.

As I get older (and hopefully wiser), I've thrown away the long list of requirements needed to make a relationship perfect for me. If I'm to deeply connect with my potential partner then it is paramount that we truly see each other, hear each other and ultimately understand one another and not use some generic check list of preconceived traits that may or may not meet our true needs, wants and desires.
Yes it's important to have sexual chemistry, a meeting of the minds and an emotional connection but I feel this is often adds to the confused at the start of a relationship when you're in a state of limerence which has no longevity.

[JustLovelyJenn]

This made me smile today... and it seemed appropriate for here.

[Happyfemme]

I need for the person to be kind, caring, respectful, intelligent, hard working, understanding, protective, and perform gender in a masculine way. Also no issues with alcohol, substances, or other addictive behaviors. The person and I are focused on each other and how to build the relationship. There should never be a situation in which the person is putting me or others down.
I want the person to be older than I am.

[clay]

That is a great list happyfemme. Wishing you much success in finding that in someone.

I love to see love stories happen!

[Happyfemme]

Originally Posted by Happyfemme

I need for the person to be kind, caring, respectful, intelligent, hard working, understanding, protective, and perform gender in a masculine way. Also no issues with alcohol, substances, or other addictive behaviors. The person and I are focused on each other and how to build the relationship. There should never be a situation in which the person is putting me or others down.
I want the person to be older than I am.

I think I enjoy most of these qualities in friends as well.