Caregivers and Stress

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by Kelt

Well folks, after three days of mother being bat-shit crazy, I've got her moved.

She's got her things, she's in a place I consider to be much safer, and she has little to worry about. There is the potential for a good life for her there if she chooses to avail herself of all it has to offer.

I've got it set up pretty much hotel style where she just signs for things and it all gets put on one monthly statement, one copy to me ,one copy to her finance boys who pay it after I approve. She will never have to see it. So as long as she is on campus I don't have to worry about her losing a checkbook or weird amounts of cash. They drive her around to appointments and whatever else she wants, so that gets her off the road too.

I also got in touch with the corp my father used to work for and talked to them about the problem with no piece of paper being safe around her and was trying to work it out where I would get all the paperwork at my home and if something needed to be signed, I could send it to my notary and have them take just that one thing to her home and handle it the rest of the way for me. No dice from the pension folks.

I'm not and don't want to be full POA unless she is incapacitated medically, it's a dignity thing, I don't want to have her declared incompetent until I really have to. So they (Boeing) have a nifty little work around where I can do just a corporate POA so that I control all of the things around pensions, medical, etc for that company only. She still gets to be "independent", but I can take care of quite a few of the issues for her.

I got that all officially signed and sent off yesterday, huge sigh of relief for me.

So now of course her car is officially dead, and the AC which I tested fine the day before I last left has also bitten the dust. It's pretty hot here and guess who is using the house as temp lodging until it sells?

Slowly, very slowly, things are starting to fit into place. Two more days to get her unpacked and take care of a couple other meetings and I get to drive home Saturday (and listen to another audio book, life saver), then I get my own life for a couple of weeks which I hope will involve watching my new seedlings take off in the garden!

Eight days.

I got a call today from one of the campus ministers (she's an atheist, that's a whole other story) who met her today while she was out walking on the grounds. She got turned around and was trying to orient herself by local businesses, which she does well, and did exactly what I told her to do: when you pass someone while exploring smile and say hello, they may be nice or grumpy or you could make a new friend. Hey, it works for me...

Anyway, they struck up a conversation and whatever transpired led him to look up her contact number and give me a call. I think it'll be alright, I explained about her husband of 60 years recently dying and that she just moved in a week ago and was under a lot of stress.... I appreciate that he was concerned and maybe simply taking an interest, but I can't have this go sideways, not yet.

ETA: Three hours later when I talked to her on the phone and asked how her daily walk had gone she had no recall of meeting anyone. In two or three days she'll think of it, maybe.

I really thought this was under control and I could go back to portions of my life for a while. I'm going over week after this but it was to be the last interval visit for a while so I can get some things done at home while she adapts. I am calling her everyday for now for a while and she gets that if I just keep a regular visiting pattern she will not grow into her new life and will just wait for the next time I show up. She also knows and is seemingly okay with the fact that at some point very soon I have to do a medical thing that will possibly clip my wings for several months.

I am so worried that they will ask her to leave because of cognition/memory problems. I am still working with her Dr to look for other causes beyond the normal altzheimers screenings, she just had another test today, for carotid artery blockage. I meet with her Dr next week to go over results but I don't think that's it. I'll ask for a referral to a neurologist but don't know what else to do. I couldn't even get a tour of the really good memory care facility without a diagnosis.

Grief is hitting her really hard now that so many of the other distractions have been removed. I don't think there is anything I can do besides let some time pass and just be available to talk to if she wants. The minister was very nice and is also a grief counselor so he may check in on her a bit. I just really need this situation to hold together for awhile, since I am pursuing this medically and had her checked before we moved her in, I think it's safe, but what next?