So what does being Bisexual, mean to you ?

[Daddiesgirl]

I have been having this same conversation with my gf who identifies as a soft butch. I am bi and have always been with both men and women sexually. The strange thing is that I never did develop feeling for another woman outside of being friends. It was purely sexual. I was married to a man for several years and have two small children and not once during my marriage did I have the urge to be with women. I was happy and he satisfied me. Once we divorced I was free to be with women again which I did, but again, there was no emotional attachment. Then I met my gf. She's AMAZING! I fell for her hard and fast. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. I had never loved a man like I love her. Perhaps before when I was with women I never felt an emotional attachment because they were all femmes and my gf is very much butch. I don't know. All I know is that she has a VERY hard time dealing with the fact that I'm bi. She is very insecure about it and always says that she fears that she's not going to be enough for me. I can't fix her insecurities, all I can do is try to make sure she knows that I love her and want to be with only her. But back to the original question, I do identify as bi and although before it was purely for sexual reasons, it isn't any longer. <3 LML <3

[Cin]

When someone posts something as charged as what Starbuck did people will naturally be moved. Her nearly gleeful portrayal of her powder keg existence is almost painful to read. We have all experienced betrayal on some level, perhaps even been the one to betray so it is difficult to remain objective. Also considering the stigma that seems to still be associated with bisexuality it was with a distinct lack of forethought that Starbuck chose to post her story in a thread entitled so what does bisexuality mean to you. And I also believe she vastly misjudged the mood of her audience.

When someone wants to respond to a post where they find the behavior of the poster unacceptable there are really only two ways to go, there will be degrees of variance within the responses but still only two ways to go. You either want to make your moral outrage clear or you want to help the person understand where their actions will ultimately lead. Either is perfectly acceptable and not at all attached to the gender of the people involved.

You can be outraged because of what Starbuck is doing to others. You may understand the pain and damage she is and will cause from a place of experience. In which case your response will naturally come from that understanding. You can share your disgust as well as your extreme displeasure at the way she is adding to the stereotype of the cheating greedy bisexual. And it is certainly an understandable position. However, I don’t believe to choose another less judgmental approach means one does not understand the severity of what she is doing. Nor does it have to mean you believe that it is okay to do what she is doing. Or that it is okay to do it because it is men who are being cheated on.

I think people stop listening when they feel judged and attacked. And it is not necessary to care about this. It is perfectly acceptable to judge and to share your moral outrage. Let me put a great degree of emphasis on that. Perfectly acceptable indeed. But I also think it is okay to try to reach the person by keeping the lines of communication open. Perhaps you will be responsible for helping someone achieve that "ahah" moment by remaining compassionate and not beating the person over the head with your moral outrage. Either way is okay. But I don’t think one’s choice has to be based on what is the gender of the person being cuckolded

[AishasWrath]

It means that gender isn't as much of a factor in whether I'm attracted to someone else, compared to other things about them.

[storyspinner70]

This is something that is VERY near and dear to me, and something I've dealt with all my life. I am bi. Probably actually pan, because I can't see myself not being attracted to someone because they are transitioning or do not identify as a certain gender. I am currently rabidly in love with a woman, and do not see that changing at any point in the future.

So, what does being bi mean to me? It means I have to listen to people spout the most ridiculous nonsense I've ever heard. It means people feel that I owe them an explanation as to why I have the NERVE to be attracted to more than one sex. It means I have to sit here and read about how I'm just confused, how I'm really straight or I'm really lez but just haven't got the guts yet to make a decision. It means I have to deal with constant harassment and abuse from the LGBT community that should have my back more than anyone else. It means I have to listen to men cackle and ask for a threesome while I listen to lesbians talk about how they could NEVER date a bisexual like we are the worst people there could possibly be on the face of the earth. You have no idea how much I've cried in my life because of shit like that, and how I'm near tears now because I remember how worthless that casual dismissal used to make me feel. Like, "Who cares what kind of person you are? One word makes you nothing to me."

It means I probably shouldn't have stepped foot on this thread, because I get enraged at injustice and people who feel the need to tell me that because my heart and mind and soul are open to anyone who is worthy of my time and love that there is somehow something wrong with how I choose to live my life. And no, I'm not aiming this entirely at people on this site or this thread, but some of you...some of you are here spouting exactly the misunderstanding and deliberate, willful discrimination I deal with every single day of my life.

This is what being bisexual means to me. My heart and life and arms are open for anyone who is smart enough, sexy enough, funny enough, and clever enough to catch my attention. I am not only attracted to butch women, like they're some kind of replacement for the men I "really" want. In fact, the majority of the women I loved have been femme. And no, I'm not secretly lesbian and trying to hide it, either. In fact, I'm pretty much running about 50/50 with the gender of people I have loved in my life.

My butch is everything to me. She is not a replacement for a man in my life. She is not an experiment. She is not someone to keep me occupied until a man comes along. She is, and will always be, my world. And no, it's not that I have zero interest in men anymore. I'm not miraculously gay now. But what I am is completely in love and fiercely dedicated to the love of my life - my butch.

And yes, I get infuriated at the fact people dare to make assumptions about me and what I feel and what makes me happy. If all goes like I want it to, I will never have another lover, and I'll be just fine with that. I won't miss a man or start pining after them. I've seen plenty I thought were gorgeous or sexy in the three years I've been with my butch, and I've never once been dissatisfied with my life or my lover.

That is what being bi means to me: a life of love, happiness, discrimination, pain and anger.

[Beast Lee]

I met a guy once who said " I think bisexual people are just confused, no offense." I honestly replied " I'm not offended, I think that straight and gay people are missing out on half the fun." Both sexes have amazing qualities that the other is lacking (except for me).

[Bel]

Since the 80s and popularized in the 90s, bisexuality has been defined by various bisexual communities as "attraction to more than one gender." This is the definition that has endured. Robyn Ochs, a bisexual activist, has also expanded on that to include "not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.” Which is wonderful!

Like all the other letters in LGBT/QUILTBAG, the B is a community term. There are many ways to be bisexual (bi/pan/omni/polysexual/ace, etc) but the foundation of our orientation moves bilaterally along the sexuality spectrum without settling on a specific point of that spectrum. Just like the L in LGBT does not signify what type of lesbian one is (femme? butch?), the B does not specify what type of bisexual one is.

It's a wonderfully open category.

If anyone wants to discuss more about this, I'm game.

I've been bi my whole life, and experienced "attraction to more than one gender" for decades without ever having been with a AMAB person (which eventually happened.) Because it's about attraction to more than one gender, it doesn't mean that bisexual people attach gender to biology—bisexual spaces that I've been to over the years have consistently practiced this distinction. And those that don't quickly learn....

It's about attraction and potential, not necessarily sex.

And hello to all, this is my first post after visiting on-and-mostly off since 2012!

[indigo]

"Bisexual", it's the expression that I currently use when coming out to my friends and family, which is a step by step process. Still, I can't yet wrap my mind around why i am not really confortable with this term.

[Bel]

Originally Posted by indigo

"Bisexual", it's the expression that I currently use when coming out to my friends and family, which is a step by step process. Still, I can't yet wrap my mind around why i am not really confortable with this term.

Hi Indigo!
Well, we're all socialized to have zero pride regarding the term 'bisexual'. All we mostly hear outside of bi circles, is negative and damaging. As long as you are accepting who you are on your own terms, that's more important than any label, of course. But labels are only as useful as the community they make/gather...so I hope you can find some sources and spaces of bisexual solidarity that make you feel great about what bi consciousness stands for today!

And I hear you on the step-by-step process!

[Soft*Silver]

I am a bio female femme who is married to a bio male who identifies as a woman privately. He (the pronoun he prefers at the moment) is a submissive femme at home. And other places. (But doesnt present 24/7 everywhere)

I qualify as bisexual. So does he as he enjoys all genders like I do. We have an open agreement that we can have other indulgences (sex) in our lives if we chose and would consider a poly marriage if the right person was found.

I have only been attracted to butch women. I have dated trans men too. And lived asexually for awhile. I just dont have an attraction to other femme women except my husband Go figure this all out!!

So all that sounds very complicated. But its not. Or it shouldnt be. I am getting really tired of the many many labels I have to "qualify" myself under. (I cant even buy a pride flag now without it adding race (brown and black) to it, when its suppose to be about orientation, not race. I am gypsy. Where is my stripe in our flag?)

[indigo]

Originally Posted by Bel

Hi Indigo!
Well, we're all socialized to have zero pride regarding the term 'bisexual'. All we mostly hear outside of bi circles, is negative and damaging. As long as you are accepting who you are on your own terms, that's more important than any label, of course. But labels are only as useful as the community they make/gather...so I hope you can find some sources and spaces of bisexual solidarity that make you feel great about what bi consciousness stands for today!

And I hear you on the step-by-step process!

But why is that so? I can't yet draw on broad experiences as I am like "in the making" with this part of my identity. I have lesbian friends who have absolutely no problem with bisexual women/ people - and also, why should they? Yet one of them told me that for some this is problematic. For me this term somehow fits because I had relationships with men and this didn't feel wrong but at the same time it was not "it", so to speak, and yeah I was always into women as far as I can remember, at least since my teenage-hood. Then, doesn't the term bi-sexual indicate the dichotomy of sexes - a notion that I find questionable in many ways.