Dating women with children, any thoughts?

[Bad_boi]

The only reason I don't date women with kids is because I am young and not looking for a long term relationship. I would feel bad if her kids recognised me as their dad and I wasn't wanting to stick around for life. That would be unfair to them.

I suppose if I were older and wanting an LTR and the kids and I got along well and the whole packaged deal worked well I would be all for it.

[DeviantDaddy]

Originally Posted by Bad_boi

The only reason I don't date women with kids is because I am young and not looking for a long term relationship. I would feel bad if her kids recognised me as their dad and I wasn't wanting to stick around for life. That would be unfair to them.

I suppose if I were older and wanting an LTR and the kids and I got along well and the whole packaged deal worked well I would be all for it.

Some people may find this selfish but you know what? It is actually great that you are able to recognize this in yourself and simply accept that it isn't what you are looking for at this time.

Good for you.

[Bad_boi]

Originally Posted by DeviantDaddy

Some people may find this selfish but you know what? It is actually great that you are able to recognize this in yourself and simply accept that it isn't what you are looking for at this time.

Good for you.

I suppose some people might.

But dating someone who is a mother to small children can be complicated and one must consider the whole situation. The saftey and well being of the children should be first and foremost. So in a case where would not be around long term and would not be a father figure the children it is not a good idea if they are too young to comprehend that.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Strappie

I would totally date a Mother, I find Mom's super sexy!

I'm wondering, what is it about moms, that you find so sexy?

[spritzerJ]

This thread has so many thoughtful responses. I am learning much by reading through it. Thank you for providing honest answers and opening to share experiences.

I am the mom of a kiddo at home, just now 6 years. I took nearly 3 years off from dating when my daughter was little (between the end of a relationship and starting to date again). It was tricky to get back into dating. The last time I had she wasn't there and this meant a whole new level of planning and changed what I was looking for.

I've made mistakes when not clear about who I was a mom dating. The biggest was accepting someone's assertion that they wanted a family without leading the discussion about what that meant practically day to day with a young child. I let the cozy dreams be enough. What I did question was not responded to thoughtfully and that should have been a clue to me. My child was intentional and thoughtfully planned. I learned to extend "our" to welcome those that can honor that.

I have made wonderful friends who for whom dating didn't work for but in their respect for my daughter and I's relationship have earned them a welcome spot at our table any day. Treasured friends for sure. In the end when I keep dating private and respectful friendships shared I know my daughter sees the place of friends in our lives. She also has learned a broader understanding of girl/boy presentations. I am grateful again to friends who are themselves, answer blunt little kid questions and let me explain further.

These days I get to be be in love for myself and let the relationship between my dear ones develop in it's own time. I've learned my relationship between myself and my gy can grow at a pace different than the getting to know that happens between my daughter and my gy. I know this seems so obvious they spend much less time together than my gy and I do. Much less time talking. In the past I was thinking we all needed to develop at the same speed. Now we let each develop in time.

Time gives me a chance to watch thoughtfully and protectively for how my daughter responds. At 6 she is a child, but her words and actions are telling. I do not dismiss them as childish I look for stress and respond. Am I thrilled in her moments of trust? Of course and those aren't the only moments I attend to. I am grateful that hy understands this isn't judging hym but being a mom.

[TimilDeeps]

I have. I would, again. or not depends on how the rest of my life goes?

[ruffryder]

Children are the most cherised people in the world. It is very important that people understand that when entering into a relationship with someone that has kids. I think its important to distinguish the difference and be honest with your children when you are going to introduce your kids to a date, mate, or even friend. Kids are affected more than you think by people in their lives.

I have a fifteen year old daughter. I have been introducing her to friends and gfs since she was about six.
I was with a woman that had a daughter about the same age. The kids fought like sisters.. They still very much keep in contact and call each other sister. They have alot of love for each other to this day. I was with another lady that was raising her niece. .another teenager. I found out how to live with girls.. Lol! And how sometimes they just all need their own space and quiet time. No doubt I was the man of the house but sometimes I was outnumbered. He he. .
I've also dated a lady with two sons. I've always wanted a son or more kids unfortunately that relationship didn't Last and I didn't move in with them.

This past year I met a lady that had teens. I found it Very odd that our first get together involved her kids. I was clueless what she wanted with me,a friendship is what we had. We had talked about more possibly? I did mention if she was comfortable with me meeting her kids already. She said it was fine. Needless to say I had more fun, conversed and interacted with her kids more than her and we haven't spoken again since that date. I felt more sorry for the kids than anything.:/

I think there has to be a mutual respect. It doesn't matter if you are the older one, kids need to be respected just as adults do. they learn this from you. They can learn alot and grow up to be great people by what you instill in them. I do believe in parenting and if I have a serious committed relationship I want my mate to be a parent figure with my daughter as I also wish to be with her children. I still to this day get along and have good relationships with children of past relationships. I believe in being a parent, authoritive, having rules, consequences of breaking rules, teaching and learning and also being a friend they can trust and knowing they have someone they can go to when they are in trouble, need advice and someone to turn to for answers. I believe in alone and date time with your mate and also family time and alone time with your kids. I may be the only one that disagrees that kids come first. I think I know what you all are trying to say however when I am in a relationship my partner and child both come first in different ways. They are both Very special to me in their own ways and know that.

[grenade]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

I'm wondering, what is it about moms, that you find so sexy?

I will answer this from my own perspective. I never felt sexier in my life than I did with an 9 month baby belly in stretch lace. There was something to pregnancy that unleashed the woman in me and left me no longer a girl. Something changed inside. I am more confident now, stretch marks and saggy bits, than I ever was when my body was "perfect' to mainstream society.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by grenade

I will answer this from my own perspective. I never felt sexier in my life than I did with an 9 month baby belly in stretch lace. There was something to pregnancy that unleashed the woman in me and left me no longer a girl. Something changed inside. I am more confident now, stretch marks and saggy bits, than I ever was when my body was "perfect' to mainstream society.

That's so beautiful! I wonder what moment made me realize I'm "no longer a girl," as you felt, pregnant and in stretch lace. I think there have been more than a few! You've got me daydreaming about it...

[jac]

Originally Posted by jenna8987

These days I get to be be in love for myself and let the relationship between my dear ones develop in it's own time. I've learned my relationship between myself and my gy can grow at a pace different than the getting to know that happens between my daughter and my gy. I know this seems so obvious they spend much less time together than my gy and I do. Much less time talking. In the past I was thinking we all needed to develop at the same speed. Now we let each develop in time.

Time gives me a chance to watch thoughtfully and protectively for how my daughter responds. At 6 she is a child, but her words and actions are telling. I do not dismiss them as childish I look for stress and respond. Am I thrilled in her moments of trust? Of course and those aren't the only moments I attend to. I am grateful that hy understands this isn't judging hym but being a mom.

Yes, different relationships grow at different paces and with different significance. It doesn't mean the love and acceptance aren't just as deep seated in the heart. Some things can't be rushed and it isn't always up to the adult to determine the pace. Children are much wiser than given credit for. The young ones have a natural instict to determine who is safe and who isn't... allow them to make this realization in a healthy manner and in their time, in their understanding and with loving adult guidence.

I look forward to growing with both of these relationships at their own pace and in thier own way. I love to watch a mother and child bond (I have three of my own). None of them are the same... like snowflakes, all are different, unique and precious in their own way. I also enjoy creating a seperate bond with her child, one that all three of us can appreciate and feel safe in. Bring on the moments yet to come and let's cherish those we have already created...

[Lizzy]

I think it is different every time. I have been in a long on and off relationship but I try to keep the door open between my kids and my partner. It took them many years to develop a bond as my kids were very resentful at first. They felt like it was my partners fault that I was no longer with their Dad.The reality was it had nothing to do with my partner but they were young and didn't understand. As they have gotten older they built up trust with my partner but it was a long and bumpy road.

[Just_G]

I have dated women with kids, and would do so again in a heartbeat!

It is not easy dating a woman with kids, but to me, it's worth it. I say it isn't easy because sometimes things get cancelled, and plans can change in the drop of a hat, but you have to learn to go with the changes of plans. I have had to give away tickets to the ballet, cancel dinner reservations, and even had to cancel a get-away-for -two.....all of which were just things that happen. Other plans can be made. Movie nights in when a kid is sick is quite relaxing. I have even had to step up and take care of the kids when their mom had to work late....I didn't mind at all....in fact, I loved that I was able to be there for them.

I know that kids come first. I know that sometimes kids can be difficult. Women that have children have something different about them and I can't explain it, I just know that if I met a woman with kids, I would definitely date her if we had a connection.

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by Just_G

I have dated women with kids, and would do so again in a heartbeat!

It is not easy dating a woman with kids, but to me, it's worth it. I say it isn't easy because sometimes things get cancelled, and plans can change in the drop of a hat, but you have to learn to go with the changes of plans. I have had to give away tickets to the ballet, cancel dinner reservations, and even had to cancel a get-away-for -two.....all of which were just things that happen. Other plans can be made. Movie nights in when a kid is sick is quite relaxing. I have even had to step up and take care of the kids when their mom had to work late....I didn't mind at all....in fact, I loved that I was able to be there for them.

I know that kids come first. I know that sometimes kids can be difficult. Women that have children have something different about them and I can't explain it, I just know that if I met a woman with kids, I would definitely date her if we had a connection.

Someone needs to snatch you up right quick, G!!! You are a gem!

[SugarFemme]

I would date someone with kids. For sure. I have one daughter. She is the light in my eyes. I always wanted more children but was not able to have any more. I am capable of loving ALL kids...yours, mine and ours. Kids bring such a special dynamic to the relationship. One that makes me so happy.

[MarineCorps1]

I've dated women with kids, and I'd totally do it again. I like kids - but I tend to spoil them....

[ValKyrie]

I have 3 kids and I am with someone who has 2 kids. We each have our kids half of the time and have arranged so our kids have opposite schedules, i.e. when her kids are with us, mine are with their other parent, visa versa. They overlap about once or twice a month. We love that we both have kids. It makes it easier to understand that to each of us, our kids come first. We have similar parenting styles that fit really well together.

When we first started dating, we waited about 4 months before we met each others kids. We felt like it was really important to wait to see how serious we were with each other before we brought the kids in the equation. I would never have my kids meet someone who I wasn't serious about.

We are getting ready to make the move in together. I have been at her house when my kids are with their dad and she has been at my house when her kids are with their mom, so we have basically been cooexisting together for a little while without actually living full time in the same house.

The one thing that is always important to me is that our kids are first to each of us. If it's not, that's absolutley a deal breaker.

[Deborah]

I hope this doesnt sound bad but 'only if they were grown and sucessfully out on their own'.

I love kids and babys and I love love love being a YiaYia but I have raised mine and I was a very hands on mom, my son was my life...he is now 34 and has his own life. I adore his children/my grandchildren and my niece's baby....and I love anyone's kid that come into my life.

And because I believe it should be all about them and that is what they deserve from us as parents... I would not even start dating someone with kids...because it is my turn...I want it to be about me and my partner at this point in my life.

Would I date someone that didnt like kids HELL NO....because we are going to be grandparents and I love that role!!!![/I]

[Blade]

Sort of weird I just posted in the age difference thread and am about to say what I am. Typically women my age don't have small children, though certainly there are instances where they might. So I really don't have to worry about that, staying in my own age range. I love children and wouldn't have a problem dating a woman with small children, normally they love me.

Teenagers and young adults are another story. I welcome the opportunity to be a part of their lives as well as there mothers. However there are teens and young adults who have figured out how to push their Mom's buttons, or how to get by with being disrespectful to her. I don't tolerate disrespect to well. I was raised in a very strict home, and taught above all, "I can't make you love me but I can make you respect me". When I hear a child regardless of age, smart mouth or be disrespectful to any adult, it's all I can do not to blow a head gasket.

So the bottom line is I don't have a problem with small children or grown ones as long as they know their role and are respectful to their Mom. Simply because if she can't get their attention, I will and I'm not always nice about it. Sometimes this might create a problem, but the fact is, I'm in charge of my space and in my space all people are respectful of one another.

[JustJo]

I'm a mom of a great (almost) 15 year old boy, and I stayed single until he was 13...primarily because I didn't trust my own judgment on the safety and suitability of any step-parent I would bring into his life.

Contrary to the common wisdom that says "don't introduce your kids to your partner until you're serious", I would never recommend getting "serious" with someone before bringing them into your child's life....at least enough to see how they interacted in the course of normal daily (sometimes challenging) life. That means more than a weekend....more than a trip to an amusement park. It means getting ready for school, haggling over homework, family dinner, and preferably some normal types of outings. People have different parenting styles, and blending families is far more difficult than most people want to admit.

It's easy to look through the rose-colored glasses of love (or lust) and think everything will be fine. But, no matter how much a potential partner loves their child, their former partner's child, their neice, their nephew, or their grandchild....it's no guarantee that they're going to love yours, or that your parenting styles won't clash.

[princessbelle]

This is really a complex situation when dating someone with kids. There are so many, many variables that play into it. No doubt we all want what is best for our kids and our prospective partners and it can get quite sticky from what i've read here and seen with my own eyes and ears.

I can only say that i am very happy that the way i approached the matter, when my kids were young, and i believe it was the right decision.

When my kids were 14 and 17, i met a woman in New Mexico that i was very fond of. She visited me several times, however, i did not let her stay at my house. I, in my mind, was protecting them from what may not continue and didn't want to disrupt their lives into my perhaps short term relationship. She got a hotel room each time. I spent a lot of time with her but did not neglect my kids and was home every night. She was not invited to my home...right away.

Several visits back and forth happened before i was convinced that the attraction was one that was going to most likely last. That was my first step. I then introduced my kids to her. They all really liked each other and this was the second part of my journey, making sure they all got along. Kids are not dumb. If they see red flags it's good to listen to them. After a year of dating back and forth i invited her to live with me.

That relationship lasted 10 years. I do feel i did it correctly for *me* and *my* family. I would not have ever considered anything sooner than that length of time when my kids were younger. But, that's just me. IMO no one will ever love our kids like we do. So, there is the "it can get sticky part".

Now that my kids are grown, it is really just my personal preference, however, they are never too quiet about giving me their blessing or voice of concern. And it's one i definitely still listen to.

Really to each his/hys/her own. But it is most important that our children's well being come way before any feelings of love.

I'm sure we can all agree on that.