Dating women with children, any thoughts?

[spritzerJ]

This thread has so many thoughtful responses. I am learning much by reading through it. Thank you for providing honest answers and opening to share experiences.

I am the mom of a kiddo at home, just now 6 years. I took nearly 3 years off from dating when my daughter was little (between the end of a relationship and starting to date again). It was tricky to get back into dating. The last time I had she wasn't there and this meant a whole new level of planning and changed what I was looking for.

I've made mistakes when not clear about who I was a mom dating. The biggest was accepting someone's assertion that they wanted a family without leading the discussion about what that meant practically day to day with a young child. I let the cozy dreams be enough. What I did question was not responded to thoughtfully and that should have been a clue to me. My child was intentional and thoughtfully planned. I learned to extend "our" to welcome those that can honor that.

I have made wonderful friends who for whom dating didn't work for but in their respect for my daughter and I's relationship have earned them a welcome spot at our table any day. Treasured friends for sure. In the end when I keep dating private and respectful friendships shared I know my daughter sees the place of friends in our lives. She also has learned a broader understanding of girl/boy presentations. I am grateful again to friends who are themselves, answer blunt little kid questions and let me explain further.

These days I get to be be in love for myself and let the relationship between my dear ones develop in it's own time. I've learned my relationship between myself and my gy can grow at a pace different than the getting to know that happens between my daughter and my gy. I know this seems so obvious they spend much less time together than my gy and I do. Much less time talking. In the past I was thinking we all needed to develop at the same speed. Now we let each develop in time.

Time gives me a chance to watch thoughtfully and protectively for how my daughter responds. At 6 she is a child, but her words and actions are telling. I do not dismiss them as childish I look for stress and respond. Am I thrilled in her moments of trust? Of course and those aren't the only moments I attend to. I am grateful that hy understands this isn't judging hym but being a mom.

[TimilDeeps]

I have. I would, again. or not depends on how the rest of my life goes?

[jac]

Originally Posted by jenna8987

These days I get to be be in love for myself and let the relationship between my dear ones develop in it's own time. I've learned my relationship between myself and my gy can grow at a pace different than the getting to know that happens between my daughter and my gy. I know this seems so obvious they spend much less time together than my gy and I do. Much less time talking. In the past I was thinking we all needed to develop at the same speed. Now we let each develop in time.

Time gives me a chance to watch thoughtfully and protectively for how my daughter responds. At 6 she is a child, but her words and actions are telling. I do not dismiss them as childish I look for stress and respond. Am I thrilled in her moments of trust? Of course and those aren't the only moments I attend to. I am grateful that hy understands this isn't judging hym but being a mom.

Yes, different relationships grow at different paces and with different significance. It doesn't mean the love and acceptance aren't just as deep seated in the heart. Some things can't be rushed and it isn't always up to the adult to determine the pace. Children are much wiser than given credit for. The young ones have a natural instict to determine who is safe and who isn't... allow them to make this realization in a healthy manner and in their time, in their understanding and with loving adult guidence.

I look forward to growing with both of these relationships at their own pace and in thier own way. I love to watch a mother and child bond (I have three of my own). None of them are the same... like snowflakes, all are different, unique and precious in their own way. I also enjoy creating a seperate bond with her child, one that all three of us can appreciate and feel safe in. Bring on the moments yet to come and let's cherish those we have already created...

[Lizzy]

I think it is different every time. I have been in a long on and off relationship but I try to keep the door open between my kids and my partner. It took them many years to develop a bond as my kids were very resentful at first. They felt like it was my partners fault that I was no longer with their Dad.The reality was it had nothing to do with my partner but they were young and didn't understand. As they have gotten older they built up trust with my partner but it was a long and bumpy road.