Relationships - What things do you want & need?

[LieslKate]

Originally Posted by blush

I need someone who can make some kickin' French toast.

I make kick-ass french toast... stuffed sometimes too! Serve it with real butter and warmed maple syrup with lil sausages and bacon on the side... and I have references for it's yummability !

[Jet]

Originally Posted by LieslKate

I make kick-ass french toast... stuffed sometimes too! Serve it with real butter and warmed maple syrup with lil sausages and bacon on the side... and I have references for it's yummability !

Marry me.....

[Just_G]

In any relationship, whether it be with friends or a possible partner, I first and foremost must have trust and honesty. If I can't trust someone, they can't get close to me and I cannot open up to them, and vice versa. I love having healthy, positive, fun people in my life....I refuse to let the unhealthy ones in my life.

When it comes to finding a partner, humor is a MUST for me! I would like to have some things in common, but we don't have to have EVERYTHING in common. I like to do my own thing on occasion, whether it is a boy's night out or hanging with my sister. I also like it when they have things that they want to and can do without me being there all the time.

I would like to have a family. It is just my mom, my sister, and I (and I work with my dad), and I hope that whomever I meet has a family that is welcoming and accepting of our relationship. The possiblility of kids is also something to consider, but the older I get, the less likely that is to happen.

My last gf was what I would consider too time consuming...and perhaps I felt that way because she was not the one. I don't have to be with someone 24/7, but when the right one comes along, I might feel differently. Though I don't ever see myself being the 24/7 kinda guy. I like my ME time....my tool time that settles my mind and makes me productive.

[LieslKate]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

Marry me.....

hmmmmmmmm maybe... grits with that roasted peach and pecan stuffed french toast?

[Sachita]

I use to have a list. It included everything Rogue had on her list and probably a few more things. I spent most of my adult life single. At first it was my choice because I looked around me and didnt see anything about a relationship I wanted for my life. The couples I knew were fighting and the often had secrets. The expectations within a relationship were just too much for me.

Eventually I got around to giving it a roll. I had some good ones, really bad ones and to be honest a list didnt mean anything. In my last relationship, it was awful and it kept me down for a few years but as I look back I see how much it taught me and prepared me for the love of my life.

Today I want someone that is mature, intelligent and compassionate towards humans and animals. Someone that sees the big picture and isnt going to get caught up in the small shit. That if we dont agree, thats ok, we move on and if we fight, thats ok too as long as we stay focused on the big picture.

Today I will not settle for less then I know I deserve and I refuse to be in a relationship just because I'm lonely. Today I want a partner in life and not just a lustful interlude.

I know he will make mistakes and I also know sometimes we'll go in separate directions/paths for a while just as long as we come back around and remember why we got together in the first place.

I am convinced that the secret to a really great relationship is to be commitment in each others happiness. That each day you put your selfishness aside and find ways to make each other happy. It can be anything but the day you dont want to do things to make them happy is the day it begins to fall apart.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by LieslKate

hmmmmmmmm maybe... grits with that roasted peach and pecan stuffed french toast?

have to pass on the grits, darlin'

[Blade]

Perfectly said Ms. Rogue perfectly!

Originally Posted by Rogue

What things do you need to make a relationship last? What things do you look for in a potential partner and why? What things will you NOT tolerate from a relationship?

For me.. relationships are alot of work.. and it takes 2 devoted people to work at it.. relationships are NOT one sided.. there is always 2 sides.. always 2 people (in most cases) *gryn and always twice the amount of work.. working toward life goals and decisions..

To make a relationship last I would require the following things..

* friendship
* open communication - keeps the relationship alive - ask for what you want and need from each other
* loyalty & trust - without this you don't have anything
* hard work and dedication - can lead to a lifetime of happiness
* faith - in the both of us that we are in this together for the long haul

I look for these things in a potential partner..

* friendship
* Love - because it is not just about the good times - love endures all
* Respect - because without it there can only be hurt and pain
* Honesty - because without that you don't have trust
* Trust - because you will make life decisions together or for each other and you have to trust in those decisions
* Monogamy - because I don't like to share emotionally
* Morals, Values & Integrity - because it shows true strength of character

I will NOT tolerate the following from a partner or a relationship..

* Dishonesty - because it hinders trust and you need that to succeed
* Cheating - because it hurts the soul and kills the love
* Disrespect - because it makes you feel belittled and used
* Abuse - in any form, be it, mental, physical, emotional etc. Because it is WRONG - and makes you feel unimportant and harms your sence of self worth

These are my thoughts and perceptions on potential partners and relationships.. I would like to hear your thoughts as well in case I have something new to learn or something new to add to my list..

I posted this some time ago on another site.. but thought it would do well here so I brought it over!

*hugs*
Rogue

[Jet]

Someone who is secure in their sexuality and sticks with it.

I never saw this thread until now.

[Strappie]

I "want" to be happy... but "need" a girl *smirk*

[LieslKate]

Originally Posted by Strappie

I "want" to be happy... but "need" a girl *smirk*

Dammit you haven't found one yet???????? What are all those Minnesotaaaa grrlies thinking????

[AzAshburn]

I don't need a perfect partner.. I just need someone who loves me deeply, understands me well, be loyal to me and most of all, accepts me as I am.. Someone who will not take me for a ride and leave me stranded in the middle of the road.. btw I have written a poem..just to share

Where Is That Special Someone?

There is someone that I would yearn to find,
Someone that would be able to read my complicated mind,
Someone that would make my heart beats fast,
Someone that would make forget me about the painful past,
Someone that would make me dare not to speak into her eyes,
Someone that would teach me the purest meaning of sacrifice,
Someone that would make me feel the time that flies is never enough,
Someone that would make me feel so loved with her sacred touch,
Someone that would make me calm by just looking at her face,
Someone that would make my life full of grace,
Someone that would melt my ego just with her simple smile,
Someone that would make me so close to her instead of the thousand miles,
Someone that would never leave me alone through my thick and thin,
Someone that would always be in my sweetest dream,
Someone that would make me feel brand new every day,
Someone that would always stand by my side no matter come what may,

Where Is That Special Someone?

[oboejive]

I have been with my partner over 5 years. I love her dearly, we live together, and she is caring, compassionate, and supportive. However, we are both really busy as well. She works 60 hours a week (give or take), and I work 40 hours, am in school online, and I perform in local GLBT wind ensemble here in South Florida. Well, I wanted everyone's take on this. For those of you who have been in long-term relationships/partnerships, do you ever experience lesbian bed death? Or a lack of sex? I have a sex drive, but my partner claims she has none now, and I don't even remember the last time we had sex. Does this happen a lot? I guess that sex is something I need too, and we've talked about marriage, but we are having difficulties getting around the whole sex thing. Thoughts?

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by oboejive

I have been with my partner over 5 years. I love her dearly, we live together, and she is caring, compassionate, and supportive. However, we are both really busy as well. She works 60 hours a week (give or take), and I work 40 hours, am in school online, and I perform in local GLBT wind ensemble here in South Florida. Well, I wanted everyone's take on this. For those of you who have been in long-term relationships/partnerships, do you ever experience lesbian bed death? Or a lack of sex? I have a sex drive, but my partner claims she has none now, and I don't even remember the last time we had sex. Does this happen a lot? I guess that sex is something I need too, and we've talked about marriage, but we are having difficulties getting around the whole sex thing. Thoughts?

The phrase lesbian bed death always makes me touchy.

I might be sensitive to it, being a lesbian and all...

I believe that all relationships go through periods of time when sex may wax and wane.

I was married to a bio man in my early 20's that had virtually zero sex drive, so I try not to generalize.

My GF and I will be be together 2 years in the beginning of December.

Did we have way more sex in the first 8-12 months; yes. Absolutely.

After that, it did fall off. I think that between my very demanding job and hers, we let life get in the way.

Then she got laid off and I know that affected her libido.

I know folks in their 80's and 90's still have sexual relationships but I am sure it is not nightly, either.

I know I had a much greater libido until after I had a total hysterectomy.

50% of a woman's testosterone is produced by her ovaries. If ovaries are removed, one will have a marked drop in testosterone. At least with menopause, the drop is more gradual than immediate.

The point that I am making is that life stressors, unverbalized anger or irritation with a partner or medical reasons or not putting the effort into ensuring a sexual relationship is maintained; can affect a sexual relationship.

About 3 months ago we both decided that it was not acceptable to let our sex life slide. Even with love, I believe that good sex is the glue of a relationship.

We make dates at least once per week to have sex. Regardless of what is going on! You know something, we always get in the mood and are always so glad and happy that we did.

We made a commitment to each other to not let it slide again. We really try to be open and honest about how we are feeling, even if it is difficult or makes us feel vulnerable or embarrassed.

It is really critical to be able to communicate about this.

I hope this helps a little.

Good luck.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by oboejive

I have been with my partner over 5 years. I love her dearly, we live together, and she is caring, compassionate, and supportive. However, we are both really busy as well. She works 60 hours a week (give or take), and I work 40 hours, am in school online, and I perform in local GLBT wind ensemble here in South Florida. Well, I wanted everyone's take on this. For those of you who have been in long-term relationships/partnerships, do you ever experience lesbian bed death? Or a lack of sex? I have a sex drive, but my partner claims she has none now, and I don't even remember the last time we had sex. Does this happen a lot? I guess that sex is something I need too, and we've talked about marriage, but we are having difficulties getting around the whole sex thing. Thoughts?

If you do not plan to have an open relationship, I would not consider marrying someone who is sexually incompatible. I understand that five years together is a lot of time and a lot of love. I am not saying break up now or anything, but do not get married. I have seen so many sexual partners of asexual people become depressed and unhappy.

[Gráinne]

Originally Posted by oboejive

I have been with my partner over 5 years. I love her dearly, we live together, and she is caring, compassionate, and supportive. However, we are both really busy as well. She works 60 hours a week (give or take), and I work 40 hours, am in school online, and I perform in local GLBT wind ensemble here in South Florida. Well, I wanted everyone's take on this. For those of you who have been in long-term relationships/partnerships, do you ever experience lesbian bed death? Or a lack of sex? I have a sex drive, but my partner claims she has none now, and I don't even remember the last time we had sex. Does this happen a lot? I guess that sex is something I need too, and we've talked about marriage, but we are having difficulties getting around the whole sex thing. Thoughts?

Everybody's "busy". I too have a combination of work, school, kids, volunteering, and the rest of my life. The day I find that being busy has wiped my sex drive is the day I know I'm Way too busy.

Assuming that your partner is not asexual (and it sounds like the drive just went pfft and used to exist), then, IMO, sex by whatever definition and activity with the one you love is one of life's greatest joys. That to me is part of the point of being in a relationship. Without that sexual relationship you share with none other, you have a living arrangement
I'm not saying that life doesn't tank sex here and there, but if you honestly can't remember, that's too long.

Assuming, also, that both of you are healthy and have no chronic illnesses or hormonal issues that can underlie a flat desire, then my advice isn't to chalk it up to "oh wells, LBD happens, we're not different from any other couple", but to really look at what's going on. I would be extremely hurt if my partner told me she had no sex drive, as she's supposed to find me irresistible . Are you both avoiding the sexual side of your relationship through working? This is going to take some difficult conversations and it might be worth seeing a LBGT counselor.

Martina is right, and I can tell you from experience, do not get married before you really resolve this issue. Otherwise, bad or nonexistent sex issues will mushroom like a smoke cloud through the rest of your otherwise very compatible relationship. Good luck.

[JDeere]

Someone who doesn't make promises, they know they can't keep! Or runs off when they find out about other aspects of my life.

[Liam]

I want a partner who appreciates sharing the daily acts of living. One who is capable of communicating difficult things without raising their voice, and can have difficult discussions, rather than walking away or ending the relationship. I want to be with a woman/girl who adores me, as much as I adore her, one who loves being sexual and kinky and isn't afraid to make noise. I want a partner who enjoys taking walks with me, someone who readily shares what is going on in their life and mind, enjoys expressing their creativity, and likes to read books.

I know there are more things, but this is what is on my mind this evening.

[Sweet Bliss]

I've resisted saying I give up meeting someone. But really, I give up. Looking in my area or online makes no difference. I don't know how other peeps find true love. The whole concept escapes me. Totally. Despite my attitude I would genuinely like a butch friend to just hang with and do stuff.

But have pretty much given up on that also.

Ideally would enjoy two sided conversations, coffee in the early morning air. Deep discussion. Sharing, mutual compassion, empathy and humor.

Ya I know. Good luck with that.

[RockOn]

Must have four paws on the ground ... that is the extent of my close relationships ... and I am good with it.

My trust tends to thin out in a hurry regarding anything else. I don't even want to be bothered. Please leave me out of your happy horse chit. (translation: sweet candy-coated lies)

I love my dog ... and about 3 people.

[Gaige]

Originally Posted by Sweet Bliss

I've resisted saying I give up meeting someone. But really, I give up. Looking in my area or online makes no difference. I don't know how other peeps find true love. The whole concept escapes me. Totally. Despite my attitude I would genuinely like a butch friend to just hang with and do stuff.

But have pretty much given up on that also.

Ideally would enjoy two sided conversations, coffee in the early morning air. Deep discussion. Sharing, mutual compassion, empathy and humor.

Ya I know. Good luck with that.

I can’t say that I’ve given up. I’m just not actively searching. My work schedule is not ordinary and I’m not sure most femmes wouldn’t mind it. So I’m with you on the butch-femme friendship idea. Since I don’t have a lot of time to dedicate to a relationship, I’ve been thinking that what I want is a friendship with a femme. No expectations. No pressure to find time to meet up. Just 2 friends hanging out when time allows. Yep, that’s what I want.