Amongst us butches ..

[Dude]

Originally Posted by Inked_Trinity

A femme always needs reassuring, it's not that she doesn't believe you....she just needs to know that she is still hot in your eyes.

I realize this was posted a month ago but "A femme always needs reassuring"
is along the same lines as " butch's (and/or any gender id here) always need their ego stroked".

Both make me feel queezy and I'm surprised I'm the first to say anything.

True confidence to me, is an inside job.
Not to mention, "always needs reassuring" makes femme's sound weak ,frail, insecure ,brainless and quite exhausting to be with or around.

I hate the premise that any of us people here, are all the same.
The If you've done one, you've done them all mentality get's my goat
every time I see it.
I'm so not an expert on all things femme because fortunately they are all so different and that in itself is THE MOST fascinating thing (to me)

[Chazz]

Confident or not, we all need reassuring.

It's an inside job.

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by Chazz

Confident or not, we all need reassuring.

It's an inside job.

If you asked 20 people at my club, "who is the most confident person here" your replies would EXCLUSIVELY be "Laney" or "A" who is my best friend.

But having the appearance of confidence does not mean that I am not having a bad day b/c of work/illness/traffic or a myriad of other reasons. And when the world gets to be overwhelming, a kind compliment-especially a unique one is much appreciated. Even confident people like to hear that someone admires a certain quality about them, especially when that person is someone whose opinion we value OR when it is a complete stranger.

I went out a few years ago with a platonic friend of mine. We went to the local alt bar AFTER the party at the dungeon. It was easily 2 in the morning. But, as we were waiting to get in, she peered at me and said "your eyes look like works of art." She did not have to say that but she did and, despite her moving away, she will always have a special place in my heart.

About a year prior to that, a woman ahead of me in post-Christmas returns line at Wal-mart (a place that I hate by the way) made my night with a compliment. She told me that my eyes look like polished glass or gemstones. She took a stressful/tiring situation & turned it into a fond memory.

Never doubt the power of a compliment.

[Dominique]

Ya know....just as we ask the gentlemen to respect our femme space....

we should respect the Butch space. I'm not trying to be thread police

BUT, it is marked BUTCH zone and alot of us ladies are in here telling our

Butches what they should be talking about. Fair is fair.....just saying!

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by Dude

I realize this was posted a month ago but "A femme always needs reassuring"
is along the same lines as " butch's (and/or any gender id here) always need their ego stroked".

Both make me feel queezy and I'm surprised I'm the first to say anything.

True confidence to me, is an inside job.
Not to mention, "always needs reassuring" makes femme's sound weak ,frail, insecure ,brainless and quite exhausting to be with or around.

I hate the premise that any of us people here, are all the same.
The If you've done one, you've done them all mentality get's my goat
every time I see it.
I'm so not an expert on all things femme because fortunately they are all so different and that in itself is THE MOST fascinating thing (to me)

Thanks, Dude. I don't know how I missed that quote, and I really appreciate you pointing it out and writing such a great response.

[Red Dirt Girl]

You were maybe the first one to say anything b/c I only now stumbeled upon this thread. I must agree, I was pretty icked-out at the notion that "a femme always needs reassuring". I don't mean to personally criticize the OP, but IMO, that statement was rather a gigantic generalization, and not a very favorable one (although I don't necessarily think that was the intent of the OP). Just my two cents.

Now tell me you love me and that I'm pretty. ("Prettiest" would be even better ...)

Originally Posted by Dude

I realize this was posted a month ago but "A femme always needs reassuring"
is along the same lines as " butch's (and/or any gender id here) always need their ego stroked".

Both make me feel queezy and I'm surprised I'm the first to say anything.

True confidence to me, is an inside job.
Not to mention, "always needs reassuring" makes femme's sound weak ,frail, insecure ,brainless and quite exhausting to be with or around.

I hate the premise that any of us people here, are all the same.
The If you've done one, you've done them all mentality get's my goat
every time I see it.
I'm so not an expert on all things femme because fortunately they are all so different and that in itself is THE MOST fascinating thing (to me)

[DCStone]

I appreciate the thread and all of the comments. I know that as a Stone Butch, I like to feel appreciated. Also, being called sexy or hot is certainly fine by me. Sometimes I am in my head a bit too much and forget to say out loud what I am thinking when I see my girl. She is sexy and beautiful...and needs to hear that from me. Bottom-line...we could all probably use some stroking living in a world that can be very harsh towards those that look or seem different.

[Red Dirt Girl]

If you weren't a SB do you think you wouldn't still like to feel appreciated? I know I would!

Originally Posted by DCStone

I appreciate the thread and all of the comments. I know that as a Stone Butch, I like to feel appreciated. Also, being called sexy or hot is certainly fine by me. Sometimes I am in my head a bit too much and forget to say out loud what I am thinking when I see my girl. She is sexy and beautiful...and needs to hear that from me. Bottom-line...we could all probably use some stroking living in a world that can be very harsh towards those that look or seem different.

[justanolecowboy]

I happen to be of the opinion that all femme women are beautiful ---femmes are amazing - beautiful - intriquing- sexy - captivating women -which is why we butches love them - right? - So it is for us to compliment them before they should need to ask - unless they are asking in that playful teasing way - that only they know how to ask?

However like others have posted I don't just think it is across the board not just femmes - we seem to have a hard time accepting compliments sometimes or off put someone who does - a simple smile or thank you is all that is needed - to rebuff someones genuine compliment is to take away their (blessing) so to speak.

We all need to compliment each other more - butches and femmes alike - and not just about clothing - but the way perhaps she smiles or how her eyes twinkle when she sees you or the shy way she slowly takes your hand - or perhaps how boldly and passionately she kisses you in public - just because - or the way she tosses her head back and laughs - that is just so amazing - lots of ways to compliment ---my advice --take notice of them all!

[intrigue_in916]

Originally Posted by NIGHTrambler

I happen to be of the opinion that all femme women are beautiful ---femmes are amazing - beautiful - intriquing- sexy - captivating women -which is why we butches love them - right? - So it is for us to compliment them before they should need to ask - unless they are asking in that playful teasing way - that only they know how to ask?

However like others have posted I don't just think it is across the board not just femmes - we seem to have a hard time accepting compliments sometimes or off put someone who does - a simple smile or thank you is all that is needed - to rebuff someones genuine compliment is to take away their (blessing) so to speak.

We all need to compliment each other more - butches and femmes alike - and not just about clothing - but the way perhaps she smiles or how her eyes twinkle when she sees you or the shy way she slowly takes your hand - or perhaps how boldly and passionately she kisses you in public - just because - or the way she tosses her head back and laughs - that is just so amazing - lots of ways to compliment ---my advice --take notice of them all!

WOW! Night that is well put. And if I might add HOTT

[clay]

agrees with intrigue...and yes night...very well put! I am one who loves to compliment "people" on something I may admire about them, or what they may have on..be it clothes..be it cologne..be it a smile...and am easily "bruised" when someone isn't able to accept it just for what it is..a COMPLIMENT. Caring and concern, being ones also...let it just be simply that...care and concern..and a compliment...thanks for the post! Clay

Originally Posted by intrigue_in916

WOW! Night that is well put. And if I might add HOTT

[Deborah*]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Why when a femme asks you how she looks in an outfit .. Does she think your lying when you tell her she looks amazing ?

Sorry, I'm a femme answering this at a butch area of the planet.

I honestly believe it's due to low self-esteem. There are many women with self-esteem issues who would react like this, it's because (in my opinion) they truly feel on the inside that they're not deserving of the compliment.

Deborah

[homoe]

I've never experienced a femme not believing me when I said she looked good in something..........Compliments are wonderful things, they cost nothing to give and it can make a person's whole day!

[cathexis]

Originally Posted by homoe

I've never experienced a femme not believing me when I said she looked good in something..........Compliments are wonderful things, they cost nothing to give and it can make a person's whole day!

Jest with me a minute. Maybe all the femmes were good at deception in order to have an easy "icebreaker" to a hot butch. lol

Or you are correct about them believing you, and you did make their day.

OR maybe they were very gullible OR both even!

[homoe]

Originally Posted by cathexis

Jest with me a minute. Maybe all the femmes were good at deception in order to have an easy "icebreaker" to a hot butch. lol

Or you are correct about them believing you, and you did make their day.

OR maybe they were very gullible OR both even!

................

[homoe]

Originally Posted by homoe

I've never experienced a femme not believing me when I said she looked good in something..........Compliments are wonderful things, they cost nothing to give and it can make a person's whole day!

I'm in a super good mood today and I plan on complimenting any and all women I run across today.....

[laura4daddy]

Originally Posted by homoe

I've never experienced a femme not believing me when I said she looked good in something..........Compliments are wonderful things, they cost nothing to give and it can make a person's whole day!

Please excuse me, I'm a noob I know but I loved this quote ^.

And yes I totally agree. I have suffered with low self esteem and apparently am told I'm quite attractive but it definitely means a lot when someone looks you in the eye and you can tell they mean it when they compliment you no matter how small, having spent some time getting ready and trying to look your best I guess it's validation in a way but for me, perhaps it's a femme thing but I love dressing to please or to impress so it's almost like an achievement to get a 'you look nice' as most likely I wanted to impress someone or catch someone's eye in the first place. Hope that makes sense.

[homoe]

Originally Posted by laura4daddy

Please excuse me, I'm a noob I know but I loved this quote ^.

And yes I totally agree. I have suffered with low self esteem and apparently am told I'm quite attractive but it definitely means a lot when someone looks you in the eye and you can tell they mean it when they compliment you no matter how small, having spent some time getting ready and trying to look your best I guess it's validation in a way but for me, perhaps it's a femme thing but I love dressing to please or to impress so it's almost like an achievement to get a 'you look nice' as most likely I wanted to impress someone or catch someone's eye in the first place. Hope that makes sense.

I had to look up "noob"....

[Stone-Butch]

I think every femme deserves a complement just for being a femme and taking her time to look her best regardless of her original appearance. Inside is so much more impressive than outside in my opinion. Besides guys there might be a super brain in there and more than likely is. Brains, talent and a good heart far outdoes appearances. If she is good looking that is a bonus.