Help me write this - discussion of gender dynamics in lesbian community

Martina · 09-21-2012, 10:05 PM

I think it's a perfectly good choice to want to hang out with other dykes or non-butch-femme queer folk. It does require some educating. *yuck*

But I have had to do that with straight people re queer stuff and with queer and straight people re leather stuff.

I find leather people to be, in general, cooler about gender. I have to admit that non-butch-femme leather dykes do tend to be more judgmental even though they see butch and femme all over the place. That's my personal experience.

I had a bisexual Dominant who was much cooler about gender than a dyke Domme. I was wearing more make-up and jewelry back then, and she wanted me to not wear it because it didn't please her. That was entirely fair given our connection. BUT it didn't please her because she thought of femininity as pandering to men, as something shameful. A proud woman, in her mind, did not need that stuff. It's hard to educate from below, and I am not sure I did. That relationship did not last long.

AND as a femme who doesn't do much dressing up or wear much make-up or jewelry, I have gotten WAY WAY WAY more shit from my butch-femme community than I have from straight folks. And that hurts a hell of a lot more.

So, it seems to me there's always a battle.

Anyway, I totally totally get wanting to be among queer folk.

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09-21-2012, 10:05 PM	#24
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,284 Times in 4,166 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I think it's a perfectly good choice to want to hang out with other dykes or non-butch-femme queer folk. It does require some educating. yuck But I have had to do that with straight people re queer stuff and with queer and straight people re leather stuff. I find leather people to be, in general, cooler about gender. I have to admit that non-butch-femme leather dykes do tend to be more judgmental even though they see butch and femme all over the place. That's my personal experience. I had a bisexual Dominant who was much cooler about gender than a dyke Domme. I was wearing more make-up and jewelry back then, and she wanted me to not wear it because it didn't please her. That was entirely fair given our connection. BUT it didn't please her because she thought of femininity as pandering to men, as something shameful. A proud woman, in her mind, did not need that stuff. It's hard to educate from below, and I am not sure I did. That relationship did not last long. AND as a femme who doesn't do much dressing up or wear much make-up or jewelry, I have gotten WAY WAY WAY more shit from my butch-femme community than I have from straight folks. And that hurts a hell of a lot more. So, it seems to me there's always a battle. Anyway, I totally totally get wanting to be among queer folk.