Open Letter: Dear Femme

[Puplove]

Originally Posted by blush

I get your point, but I don't think allowing someone to open a door for me or show those "old school" manners means that I've handed over my power.

For me, it's a cultural way of showing respect. When Goof does it, it's one of his ways of taking care of me. Certainly it's not the only way, but it was the way I was raised, so it is familiar and comfortable to me. I actually feel more powerful with those manners because I feel like I am being deferred to.

I agree with this - for me, I hold the power to decide to allow someone to open a door, get me a drink, etc. (it's not always a butch/femme situation, I like to do the same for other folks when it would be a nice, friendly, non-patronizing thing to do). I love receiving these compliments in that spirit of respect, and I am more powerful for complimenting them back with my acceptance.

However, if I wait for a butch or anyone else to speak/do something for me because I feel afraid or if I believe that someone won't like me or won't think I'm as cute if I show I have a brain and speak for myself, I just handed over every ounce of self and power to another. (does not apply to when I don't speak up etc because I have chosen to be in that dynamic with another).

And considering what Cara said about not posting - I also often do not post in serious threads because others either say what I would have said before I get caught up in the thread and the point has been made, or because I feel I can learn a lot more from listening/reading rather than thinking up what I want to say. Maybe I silence myself, but I don't see it that way.

P.S. About being academic enough - to me, the more academically something is said, the less effectively and meaningfully it gets communicated. Simple is powerful.