Poly Relationships

[Ms. Meander]

Being an ethical non-monogamist is not all fun a games, in case anyone is wondering. Although there are plenty of fun and games, there is also a good measure of work. Work on oneself, self-searching honesty and humility. Work on relationships and communication skills. Lots and lots of intention and implementation. Boundary discovery and establishment. Attention to feelings, needs, and desires - hers, hers, mine, her partner's - and the cat's.

It is work. I asked for it, and I am being given every opportunity to test my commitment to growth and change - the opportunity to walk my talk. And I am giving myself the opportunity to create the life I want, in open, meaningful relation to others.

I'm pleased with what I'm learning about myself, so far. And I am having a whole lot of fun along the way!

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by Ms. Meander

Being an ethical non-monogamist is not all fun a games, in case anyone is wondering. Although there are plenty of fun and games, there is also a good measure of work. Work on oneself, self-searching honesty and humility. Work on relationships and communication skills. Lots and lots of intention and implementation. Boundary discovery and establishment. Attention to feelings, needs, and desires - hers, hers, mine, her partner's - and the cat's.

It is work. I asked for it, and I am being given every opportunity to test my commitment to growth and change - the opportunity to walk my talk. And I am giving myself the opportunity to create the life I want, in open, meaningful relation to others.

I'm pleased with what I'm learning about myself, so far. And I am having a whole lot of fun along the way!

It is a lot of work no matter how simple or complex your relationships. In fact I was lying in my bed the other morning (I often wake up very early, light a candle, play music and think) at how much I've changed over the years. There's so many things about being single and a lone I really love. When I think about being in a relationship, especially the wrong relationship it freaks me out a little. I'm so comfortable in my own skin and with my own company that I question if its healthy. lol I love company and I'd love to be in love but honestly I wonder if that "right" person exist. My EX was a lot like me and it was really nice. We didn't always question each other and we both enjoyed our alone space and time together. We didn't have to make excuses or worry about stupid shit. Had she not cheated and lied to me I would have had the perfect partner. But I would have eventually come to some of the realizations I have this past year so maybe not.

I'm not sure how hard I'm willing to work anymore or how much BS I'm willing to endure for the sake of a relationship. I know it sounds like I;ve given up but I really haven't. I think for sure that I'd like an intelligent, strong, compassionate, well rounded partner and if they are not as submissive as I might like or need that they would be ok with me having slaves. I've thought about this long and hard lately. I could only ever be really sexually intimate (kissing on the mouth, fucking etc.) with one person, however I can play and have D/s relationships with others.

Again, I"m just looking and waiting for the right person(s). They would need to be very secure and self sufficient.

[Martina]

IMO, if any of this facilitates your personal growth, it's worth it. If you are in a committed relationship for life that at least is not tearing you down, it's worth it. If you are young and have massive amounts of bandwidth to spare and are having a hell of a great time, it's worth it.

Otherwise, it is TOO much work. Unless you just have play partners or are quite selfish. As I get older, I am less of a fan of poly -- for me. It's fine if the person in my life wants poly as long as the other people in her life don't fuck up my peace with their stoopid drama. I would rather go on a meditation retreat or go to a concert or travel. Getting old, I guess.

Plus my job is a people job. And truly I have already learned a lot about myself. I am not as interested in me as I used to be. All a function of age, I guess. No regrets. We change.

Originally Posted by Ms. Meander

Being an ethical non-monogamist is not all fun a games, in case anyone is wondering. Although there are plenty of fun and games, there is also a good measure of work. Work on oneself, self-searching honesty and humility. Work on relationships and communication skills. Lots and lots of intention and implementation. Boundary discovery and establishment. Attention to feelings, needs, and desires - hers, hers, mine, her partner's - and the cat's.

It is work. I asked for it, and I am being given every opportunity to test my commitment to growth and change - the opportunity to walk my talk. And I am giving myself the opportunity to create the life I want, in open, meaningful relation to others.

I'm pleased with what I'm learning about myself, so far. And I am having a whole lot of fun along the way!

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by Martina

IMO, if any of this facilitates your personal growth, it's worth it. If you are in a committed relationship for life that at least is not tearing you down, it's worth it. If you are young and have massive amounts of bandwidth to spare and are having a hell of a great time, it's worth it.

Otherwise, it is TOO much work. Unless you just have play partners or are quite selfish. As I get older, I am less of a fan of poly -- for me. It's fine if the person in my life wants poly as long as the other people in her life don't fuck up my peace with their stoopid drama. I would rather go on a meditation retreat or go to a concert or travel. Getting old, I guess.

Plus my job is a people job. And truly I have already learned a lot about myself. I am not as interested in me as I used to be. All a function of age, I guess. No regrets. We change.

amen! I'm totally with you Martina!

There are so many things that are important to me. I value all the things I've worked so hard to arrive at. Even the cartoon people that have come to work for me in the past few years.... now I am more careful about how I exchange energy. In fact most of the time lately I get up, bust my ass and do shit myself. There is a sense of pride and its liberating but I'm also not 20 any more and there aren't enough hours in the day. I'd love to have a housemate but worry that it will disrupt the tranquility I have here. Even the dogs feel it.

[MsM]

Poly is a tough nut for sure. I was poly for years, 12 to be exact, probably more than that without the label. I really thought it was my only option as I am so fluid that I never could find one person who met all those needs.

I needed a butch to my femme, a boy to my Lady, and a Daddy to my little girl. I'm not a switch when it comes to Dominance, but even I have my little moments where I want to be safe and protected. But as a very typical Scorpio, I'm sexually possessive, and struggle with jealousy once I'm intimate with someone and they are intimate with someone else.

I am blessed beyond belief to have found someone who fits all those niches in my head and I for her. I never thought there was someone like me out there. So at 40, I gave up poly and committed myself to a monogamous relationship. I've never been happier.

I still think poly can work, and have seen it work. I no longer believe it works (or ever worked) for me.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by MsMarla

I needed a butch to my femme, a boy to my Lady, and a Daddy to my little girl. I'm not a switch when it comes to Dominance, but even I have my little moments where I want to be safe and protected. .

If I found that all in one person I would commit to monogamy. Lucky you!

[MsM]

Originally Posted by Sachita

If I found that all in one person I would commit to monogamy. Lucky you!

Very lucky! It was funny when we met we both kept trying to stick to the role we were 'supposed' to be. Then we started slowly seeing other traits that we knew matched our 'other' traits. It was a lot of fun realizing we needed to throw out every rule book we ever had in our heads and make new ones, just for us.

Love that boy! This weekend is our 1 year anniversary.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by MsMarla

Very lucky! It was funny when we met we both kept trying to stick to the role we were 'supposed' to be. Then we started slowly seeing other traits that we knew matched our 'other' traits. It was a lot of fun realizing we needed to throw out every rule book we ever had in our heads and make new ones, just for us.

Love that boy! This weekend is our 1 year anniversary.

You know its so cool when you meet highly evolved spirits who are fluid and move easily. I am a complex woman and although strong and stubborn I have many aspects to my nature. It's so refreshing to meet people who are flexible and have a sense of adventure. Life is ever changing and moving. This is why I hate labels. I could never fit in one nor would I want to,

[DanzAmazon]

I know I've come into the middle of the convo, but I just had to say that I couldn't agree more. If I found all those attributes in one person, I certainly would consider monogamy, but I would also be quite suspicious of the "too good to be true". Thanks for sharing all.

Originally Posted by Sachita

If I found that all in one person I would commit to monogamy. Lucky you!