For the Love of Intentions!!

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

This is a really interesting thread. I was not sure what GoF was referring to at first and so I went back to see the threads she had started. Yes I can see what she is saying.

I also went back to the old Dash site and looked up my old posts!! Wow was that fun, hilarious, cringe worthy and instructive. I got piled on regularly there. Because I tend to be clueless sometimes the piling did not register with me and I doggedly kept going. I learned a lot from that piling. In some cases I learned that the people I was talking with did not care what my intentions were or just plain did not like them. What do you do then? The Diva referred to this in that there is no right or wrong. That seems to be the way forward.

I do not tend to take piling personally. I know that is not the case for everyone. I am not special or better in that way. It is just how I am, especially here and in writing. Had I been piled on in person I think I would feel very differently.

Does anyone else feel ok with being piled on? Or asked to "do the work"? Is that a bad thing? Is it ok when someone has been around awhile or not? How can others feel comfortable posting but still engage in conversation? By conversation I mean that others might disagree or maybe even not be nice.

I think this conversation goes well beyond this site to include all other social media and face-to-face conversations.

Thank you for starting the the thread GoF!

Being piled on... It happened to me in a red zone topic. i was not taken to task but SO many people spoke out in opposition of my standpoint. i stopped posting and started listening. i kept thinking, how can so many people be wrong? Then i realized, Holy Heck its me who has it wrong!

Then i was driving to work and a light bulb went off. i had to unwire and rewire my thought process around the subject and i did, and i felt good about it. Seeing things from others' perspective is not as easy as it sounds. i was completely humbled by it all.

i was SO glad for that experience, i still am.

[julieisafemme]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Being piled on... It happened to me in a red zone topic. i was not taken to task but SO many people spoke out in opposition of my standpoint. i stopped posting and started listening. i kept thinking, how can so many people be wrong? Then i realized, Holy Heck its me who has it wrong!

Then i was driving to work and a light bulb went off. i had to unwire and rewire my thought process around the subject and i did, and i felt good about it. Seeing things from others' perspective is not as easy as it sounds. i was completely humbled by it all.

i was SO glad for that experience, i still am.

Yeah that has happened to me a lot! Just recently in the Miley Cyrus thread and talking about appropriation. That is why I come here!

Sometimes people are nice about it and sometimes they are not. I am ok with that.

Miss Tick mentioned that sometimes the naive question can be hurtful. Not intentionally so but hurtful nonetheless. There are no stupid questions but there are stupid places to ask them. I was told quite clearly that my white person musings were hurtful and that it would be best to take those up with other white people or read some Tim Wise. In other words...do the work! So my intentions really did not mean much in this situation.

I don't hold anyone responsible for my learning or my feelings and social interaction. That is on me. While it is admirable to try and be kind and patient always towards all it is not realistic. If you ask a question you have to be prepared for the answer. Or for someone not wanting to answer.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

If you ask a question you have to be prepared for the answer. Or for someone not wanting to answer.

Exactly.

If someone, whether brand spanking new or well-seasoned, asks a question or brings up a topic, they need to be well aware that they have no control over the responses received and they need to be prepared to accept what follows.

They might not agree with how the discussion flows or with other viewpoints, but if you open a door, you have to expect daylight to come in. Otherwise, you are living in the dark ages.