Sexual Abuse: Coping, Recovery and Survival

Andrew, Jr. · 04-19-2010, 03:16 PM

Did anyone catch Oprah today? It was Mo'Nique's family being interviewed, mainly her older brother, Gerald Imes. He acknowledges that he molested Mo'Nique AND apoligized to her.

Gerald Imes alledges that his drug abuse and the fact that he was sexually molested as a youngster caused him to abuse his younger sister. I am not sure I really buy into this logic. But that is just me.

Andrew

Gemme · 04-19-2010, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Did anyone catch Oprah today? It was Mo'Nique's family being interviewed, mainly her older brother, Gerald Imes. He acknowledges that he molested Mo'Nique AND apoligized to her.

Gerald Imes alledges that his drug abuse and the fact that he was sexually molested as a youngster caused him to abuse his younger sister. I am not sure I really buy into this logic. But that is just me.

Andrew

I didn't see the show but I think it's plausible. Sexual abuse tends to be a vicious cycle, spread like a contagious disease, from one generation to the next.

Also, drugs are fully capable of causing violent and/or abusive behavior in people. So, it's possible. But it's possible that someone could be using those things as an excuse for behavior that may or may not have occurred without the drugs and abuse. It's really very hard to tell sometimes.

Andrew, Jr. · 04-20-2010, 04:56 PM

I agree Gemme. I just am a bit shocked that he (Gerald Imes) choose to be so open on public TV about raping his younger sister. I would think that would be more appropriate to be discussed with a therapist. I don't know anything about drug abuse, and even when my older sister was abusing cocaine I was 19 years younger than she was.

dixie · 04-30-2010, 08:01 PM

Hmm... I've been posting in the mental illness thread, and I've really had to stop and think about something that is weighing heavily on my mind and affecting my mental wellbeing. I haven't been able to speak this "horror" out loud and in all honesty only two people closest to me even know about it. I'm hoping that eventhough I can't force the words out of my lips, that actually seeing the words take shape will help me. And I hope that this is the right place to post this. Anyway, here goes:

A little background on me: I may be a 5'4" tall femme, but I have always been a self-proclaimed "badass". I always stand up for the underdog even if it sometimes takes force. When I walk into the local bars I know most everyone by name and generally like everyone there whether they are gay, lesbian, trans, etc doesn't matter. We're like a family and they know that I will stand up for that family. When someone gets too drunk and starts harassing or bullying another person, they know that I am usually the one who steps in and does damage control. I never pick fights or start trouble, but I have no problem defending myself and/or others if I feel there is an injustice going on. I'm kinda fearless for the most part, in any given situation like that. Now, keep that in mind....

On the eve of Good Friday, I became the victim of a sexual assualt. A straight male thought it would be "good fun" to rape the "dyke". I am so ashamed to say that I was in such shock that I couldn't even fight back. I couldn't scream, I couldn't fight him off, I couldn't do anything. I don't understand! Where was all my bravado? Why did the badass protector in me retreat? Why could I not stop this?? Why couldn't I protect myself???

I sit and I cry and I truly don't know... I always had that misguided thought that "oh, that could never happen to me" and "oh, I know I could fight back". And then, this horror DID happen to me. And I couldn't do anything. I couldn't stop it. It's like I shrank into myself and a part of me died while this was happening. The physical violation doesn't even compare to the emotional and mental violation. I just don't understand. I wrote above about my stupid little badass personality. Where the hell was it when I actually needed it??? Does anyone have any idea why I allowed this to happen to myself?? Please! Someone tell me! I don't understand it!! I feel so ashamed and so disgusted... I can't even force the words out of my mouth. And I truly wish that this was something that I could shove into a file in the back of my mind and lock the door on it. But I can't. I just can't stop feeling like it's my fault that I couldn't stop it...

Gemme · 05-01-2010, 12:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dixielady

Hmm... I've been posting in the mental illness thread, and I've really had to stop and think about something that is weighing heavily on my mind and affecting my mental wellbeing. I haven't been able to speak this "horror" out loud and in all honesty only two people closest to me even know about it. I'm hoping that eventhough I can't force the words out of my lips, that actually seeing the words take shape will help me. And I hope that this is the right place to post this. Anyway, here goes:

A little background on me: I may be a 5'4" tall femme, but I have always been a self-proclaimed "badass". I always stand up for the underdog even if it sometimes takes force. When I walk into the local bars I know most everyone by name and generally like everyone there whether they are gay, lesbian, trans, etc doesn't matter. We're like a family and they know that I will stand up for that family. When someone gets too drunk and starts harassing or bullying another person, they know that I am usually the one who steps in and does damage control. I never pick fights or start trouble, but I have no problem defending myself and/or others if I feel there is an injustice going on. I'm kinda fearless for the most part, in any given situation like that. Now, keep that in mind....

On the eve of Good Friday, I became the victim of a sexual assualt. A straight male thought it would be "good fun" to rape the "dyke". I am so ashamed to say that I was in such shock that I couldn't even fight back. I couldn't scream, I couldn't fight him off, I couldn't do anything. I don't understand! Where was all my bravado? Why did the badass protector in me retreat? Why could I not stop this?? Why couldn't I protect myself???

I sit and I cry and I truly don't know... I always had that misguided thought that "oh, that could never happen to me" and "oh, I know I could fight back". And then, this horror DID happen to me. And I couldn't do anything. I couldn't stop it. It's like I shrank into myself and a part of me died while this was happening. The physical violation doesn't even compare to the emotional and mental violation. I just don't understand. I wrote above about my stupid little badass personality. Where the hell was it when I actually needed it??? Does anyone have any idea why I allowed this to happen to myself?? Please! Someone tell me! I don't understand it!! I feel so ashamed and so disgusted... I can't even force the words out of my mouth. And I truly wish that this was something that I could shove into a file in the back of my mind and lock the door on it. But I can't. I just can't stop feeling like it's my fault that I couldn't stop it...

First, I'm very sorry that this happened. Please stop being so hard on yourself. This is a very horrible thing that has happened to you. TO you. It does not, in any way, define who you are or what you are made of.

If it happened to someone you loved, would you think it was their fault? Of course not and this was not your fault in any way, shape or form.

Second, most everyone knows about the fight or flight survival instincts. Not everyone knows that there is another 'f'...freeze. It sounds like that is what you did and it was instinctual and it did what it was designed to do...keep you alive. Though I don't know you in real time, I can honestly say that I am very happy for that and I'm sure your family and friends feel the same way.

Strength is not always found one fell swoop but in the journey afterwards. Many blessings to you and thank you for being brave enough to post your story.

adorable · 05-01-2010, 12:45 AM

Sometimes the strongest thing to do is not fight back. It might have saved your life.

Andrew, Jr. · 05-01-2010, 09:20 AM

I just don't understand and will never be able to wrap my head around the joy of rape. Never.

I know when my sisters came to me for protection when I was maybe 5 or 6 yo, I tried to stand up to my father who was in his mid to late 40's. I have survivors guilt for that. I will take that with me to the day I die.

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04-19-2010, 03:16 PM	#1
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Did anyone catch Oprah today? It was Mo'Nique's family being interviewed, mainly her older brother, Gerald Imes. He acknowledges that he molested Mo'Nique AND apoligized to her. Gerald Imes alledges that his drug abuse and the fact that he was sexually molested as a youngster caused him to abuse his younger sister. I am not sure I really buy into this logic. But that is just me. Andrew

04-20-2010, 04:56 PM	#3
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	I agree Gemme. I just am a bit shocked that he (Gerald Imes) choose to be so open on public TV about raping his younger sister. I would think that would be more appropriate to be discussed with a therapist. I don't know anything about drug abuse, and even when my older sister was abusing cocaine I was 19 years younger than she was.

04-30-2010, 08:01 PM	#4
dixie Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: I usually just poke it with a stick. Preferred Pronoun?: Bitch Relationship Status: Intertwined deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: We're all a little mad here. Posts: 6,627 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,972 Thanked 21,383 Times in 4,808 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Hmm... I've been posting in the mental illness thread, and I've really had to stop and think about something that is weighing heavily on my mind and affecting my mental wellbeing. I haven't been able to speak this "horror" out loud and in all honesty only two people closest to me even know about it. I'm hoping that eventhough I can't force the words out of my lips, that actually seeing the words take shape will help me. And I hope that this is the right place to post this. Anyway, here goes: A little background on me: I may be a 5'4" tall femme, but I have always been a self-proclaimed "badass". I always stand up for the underdog even if it sometimes takes force. When I walk into the local bars I know most everyone by name and generally like everyone there whether they are gay, lesbian, trans, etc doesn't matter. We're like a family and they know that I will stand up for that family. When someone gets too drunk and starts harassing or bullying another person, they know that I am usually the one who steps in and does damage control. I never pick fights or start trouble, but I have no problem defending myself and/or others if I feel there is an injustice going on. I'm kinda fearless for the most part, in any given situation like that. Now, keep that in mind.... On the eve of Good Friday, I became the victim of a sexual assualt. A straight male thought it would be "good fun" to rape the "dyke". I am so ashamed to say that I was in such shock that I couldn't even fight back. I couldn't scream, I couldn't fight him off, I couldn't do anything. I don't understand! Where was all my bravado? Why did the badass protector in me retreat? Why could I not stop this?? Why couldn't I protect myself??? I sit and I cry and I truly don't know... I always had that misguided thought that "oh, that could never happen to me" and "oh, I know I could fight back". And then, this horror DID happen to me. And I couldn't do anything. I couldn't stop it. It's like I shrank into myself and a part of me died while this was happening. The physical violation doesn't even compare to the emotional and mental violation. I just don't understand. I wrote above about my stupid little badass personality. Where the hell was it when I actually needed it??? Does anyone have any idea why I allowed this to happen to myself?? Please! Someone tell me! I don't understand it!! I feel so ashamed and so disgusted... I can't even force the words out of my mouth. And I truly wish that this was something that I could shove into a file in the back of my mind and lock the door on it. But I can't. I just can't stop feeling like it's my fault that I couldn't stop it...

05-01-2010, 12:45 AM	#6
adorable Member How Do You Identify?: Sarcastically Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home of the Yankee's Posts: 752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,708 Thanked 2,644 Times in 590 Posts Rep Power: 12725119	Sometimes the strongest thing to do is not fight back. It might have saved your life.

05-01-2010, 09:20 AM	#7
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	I just don't understand and will never be able to wrap my head around the joy of rape. Never. I know when my sisters came to me for protection when I was maybe 5 or 6 yo, I tried to stand up to my father who was in his mid to late 40's. I have survivors guilt for that. I will take that with me to the day I die.