How about butch and butch?

[The_Lady_Snow]

Who can blame her?

[Jane Bond]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Who can blame her?

Your profile sums it all up.

[homoe]

Regardless of a situation, I find making a date with someone while out with someone else, the HEIGHT of bad manners!

[fever]

I see that Jane Bond has recently come to this site, and certainly has some strong opinions. But, instead of bashing her, perhaps our more senior members could guide her how to talk on this particular site. A few senior members seem to enjoy getting the pot stirred, and I am glad that Jane Bond isn't backing down.

However, JB, some femmes don't expect the Butch to pay for things all the time, like to mow the lawn ourselves, although, having help with heavy items, or light items for that matter, are always appreciated. lol As far as withholding sex, that doesn't just happen to butches. It happens in an unhealthy relationship.

Perhaps you just need to look at the types of femmes you are attracted to, and adjust that checklist.

[Medusa]

Folks-

We are getting reported posts for this thread.

This thread is not in the Red Zone and therefore, this should not be a free-for-all for name-calling or getting too personal.
Please be civil to one another and do your best to choose language that is thoughtful and accessible.

Yes, this thread is going to bring up static for some folks but that doesn't mean we need to be cyber-slapping the shit out of each other.

Thanks,
Medusa aka Admin

[JDeere]

I agree with Homoe, it was very bad manners to make another date right in your face, Ia m sorry that happened.

However, who cares if its butch/butch, femme/femme, etc, as long as it is between two conseual adults then it shouldn't matter.

I live by the 3 f's, If you AREN'T Financing, Fucking or Feeding me, then your opinion doesn't matter.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by JDeere

I agree with Homoe, it was very bad manners to make another date right in your face, Ia m sorry that happened.

However, who cares if its butch/butch, femme/femme, etc, as long as it is between two conseual adults then it shouldn't matter.

I live by the 3 f's, If you AREN'T Financing, Fucking or Feeding me, then your opinion doesn't matter.

See, I think that it is only the one I am fucking whose opinion matters.

My parents' opinion when they were financing and feeding me really didn't matter (maybe their rules, but not their opinions on me as a person).

Since then, I have financed and fed myself.

But, I do care about the opinion of those I fuck.

The end.

[Jane Bond]

Originally Posted by fever

I see that Jane Bond has recently come to this site, and certainly has some strong opinions. But, instead of bashing her, perhaps our more senior members could guide her how to talk on this particular site. A few senior members seem to enjoy getting the pot stirred, and I am glad that Jane Bond isn't backing down.

However, JB, some femmes don't expect the Butch to pay for things all the time, like to mow the lawn ourselves, although, having help with heavy items, or light items for that matter, are always appreciated. lol As far as withholding sex, that doesn't just happen to butches. It happens in an unhealthy relationship.

Perhaps you just need to look at the types of femmes you are attracted to, and adjust that checklist.

Thanks Fever, I really appreciate it.
I hate to admit it, but I did most of my lesbian community & PC feminist stuff back in grad school and college, then I got a job, into a LTR and we both drifted away from the latest in Sapphic theory.
The femme behavior I described used a bit of hyperbole, because I had no idea this site was so stacked with PC police, Feminist volunteer editors and other literal types.
I don't back down easily if an issue is important and in real time, but a disagreeable website comment someone made would not make the list.
I am rather new here, but after a few comments, I felt like a thousand ducks had pecked me so I got lost for a while.
As memory serves, I've apologized to a few members whom I had offended, but I'd really prefer to speak my mind and make mistakes in order to learn the newest trends in BF relationships, even if I sound antiquated.
Teaching I like, lecturing, not so much.

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by Jane Bond

<snip> ... because I had no idea this site was so stacked with PC police, Feminist volunteer editors and other literal types.

Read: "I had no idea so many people on one website wouldn't put up with my chest-thumping, antiquated, bullshit ideas about how femmes should behave."

[JDeere]

Hmmmm I kinda wondered by what was meant by the PC police but I got my question answered!

Personally why does it matter it it's butch/butch, you can't help who you fall in love with or date, etc. Love is love.

[Jane Bond]

Originally Posted by homoe

Regardless of a situation, I find making a date with someone while out with someone else, the HEIGHT of bad manners!

No Sh*t! We had just slept together the night before and that always signals to me a rapid approaching commitment. woops.

[imperfect_cupcake]

It's ok. I get fucked off because I tend to wind up with butches who: want me to be a house maid and do all the cleaning, do all the cooking, make sure we are on par with writing budget costs, play nursey for them whenever they get sick, look after their dog(s) when they are hung over, do the grocery shopping, do all the admin stuff with bills and letters, talk to the health services and bank and gas people if they call and out my number as the contact, talk to their parents and charm them when they don't want to talk to them, deal with their siblings in the same way, buy the birthday and Christmas presents for their family members, remind them of appointments, do their fucking laundry, and because I'm a massage therapist, give them a nice rub too. All while I'm working to bring in cash.

Cause I'm the girl. And if I don't do it, I'm a selfish princess and they pull the Little Lord Fauntleroy move of sulking in a corner for days and expecting me to emotionally care take and suck up and ask whats wrong honey?

And this is why I don't ever, ever want to live with someone again. I know it's not all butches. Just mostly the ones I attract as I'm a giant magnet because I'm codependent and *will* care take to exhaustion because of my upbringing. People will take advantage of that self destructive streak of mine.

So I'm going to date but only who don't want a domestic servant, PA and nurse because I won't be living with them.

That crosses about 90% of folks off the list. That's ok. I'd rather be on my own and happy, than taken for granted and sad and tired and lonely over it.

I've been single 3 years now and it's bliss. And I am thinking about femme daddies.

Also, my dyke flatmate has her gf over and she's cleaning the house for us every day. I've never had a housewife before. Fuck me, having a maid is great!

Which only underlines why I ain't doing it anymore lol

If you want a house cleaner - hire one
If you want a PA - hire one
If you want a massage therapist my rates are $90 for 60 minutes.

If you want a companion, a friend, someone to laugh with and hot sex, let's hang out.

Femme Daddies and strapping Stems included.

I think we all get fed up when we let others take advantage of things we aren't good with, with our boundaries. Solution? Get better boundaries.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Oh, as an aside

We only have the words you use to go on. No tone, no body language. So unless you type #hyperbole #imbeinoverdramatic next to what you write, we have no idea you don't mean what you say.

And that's Dutchess Feminazi to you.

[Jane Bond]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Oh, as an aside

We only have the words you use to go on. No tone, no body language. So unless you type #hyperbole #imbeinoverdramatic next to what you write, we have no idea you don't mean what you say.

And that's Dutchess Feminazi to you.

Dear Dutchess Feminazi,
As far as body language goes, I always stand up to post messages so I can twerk. As I twerk and type, I read aloud in a voice that tries to imitate Leonard Cohen.
As far as meaning what I say; to tell you the truth, sometimes I lie.
Ooops, just kidding.

[Jane Bond]

[QUOTE=imperfect_cupcake;1027939]It's ok. I get fucked off because I tend to wind up with butches who: want me to be a house maid and do all the cleaning, do all the cooking, make sure we are on par with writing budget costs, play nursey for them whenever they get sick, look after their dog(s) when they are hung over, do the grocery shopping, do all the admin stuff with bills and letters, talk to the health services and bank and gas people if they call and out my number as the contact, talk to their parents and charm them when they don't want to talk to them, deal with their siblings in the same way, buy the birthday and Christmas presents for their family members, remind them of appointments, do their fucking laundry, and because I'm a massage therapist, give them a nice rub too. All while I'm working to bring in cash.<<<

You really mean that you've encountered some butches who are that demanding and locked in that kind of 1950s male husband stereotype? I have never met a femme who would do all that, or any butch who expected her femme to act that way. The femmes I have known and loved have been feminists, had careers, took no sh*t, but they were nurturing, sexy, fun to be around and willing to split household duties and expenses 50/50. Not to mention the lingerie, ooh la la.

[imperfect_cupcake]

[quote=Jane Bond;1028082]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

It's ok. I get fucked off because I tend to wind up with butches who: want me to be a house maid and do all the cleaning, do all the cooking, make sure we are on par with writing budget costs, play nursey for them whenever they get sick, look after their dog(s) when they are hung over, do the grocery shopping, do all the admin stuff with bills and letters, talk to the health services and bank and gas people if they call and out my number as the contact, talk to their parents and charm them when they don't want to talk to them, deal with their siblings in the same way, buy the birthday and Christmas presents for their family members, remind them of appointments, do their fucking laundry, and because I'm a massage therapist, give them a nice rub too. All while I'm working to bring in cash.<<<

You really mean that you've encountered some butches who are that demanding and locked in that kind of 1950s male husband stereotype? I have never met a femme who would do all that, or any butch who expected her femme to act that way. The femmes I have known and loved have been feminists, had careers, took no sh*t, but they were nurturing, sexy, fun to be around and willing to split household duties and expenses 50/50. Not to mention the lingerie, ooh la la.

It's starts off that way. Then several years later it winds up being very different. I'm no carpet. I would never agree to such a thing. But four years later, after an egalitarian start, that is, very much what happens. I'm not old school. I'm post modern and feminist. Yet, still shit happens. I'm not blaming others- like I said before, when you posted about the *other* women you dated... The ones who were not like the ones in your above quoted post? The "gimme gimme" femmes (your descriptors) that you dated? Member talking abut those ones?

I will repeat what I said previously, I need better boundaries so that slippage doesn't happen four years later. I don't personally trust myself that after years of being with someone happens, and their behaviour starts doing what others have done, I will say clean up your act or hit the highway. I didn't with my exwife, instead I made allowances and excuses because life was being hard to her. And I loved her and cared about her.

It's not always simple. I find things go very much into dynamics that slowly slip, over the years, when living with someone. So, my choice is to just not. They have their place, I have mine. We treat each other's houses like little holidays. I've always preferred that. They do their own house chores, I hire a cleaner for mine (I'm not a haus frau), my money is mine and theirs is theirs to do with as they wish, not my biz. I can invite my mates over for a cocktail at 10pm, I don't have to ask if it's ok.

I just like the set up better. Keeps my sex drive healthy to have my own space.
I feel better about my boundaries. They don't have to be my daddy ALL the time, and I'm not their mum. I just like our independence

Different boats, different floats.

Good luck with yours

[Martina]

Originally Posted by Jane Bond

You really mean that . . .

Really??? ======

[SaltyButch]

You know it's funny the things that pop up on your screen and catch your attention on any given day. So I saw this thread and my old self would have just scanned and moved on, but my new self feels the need to comment.

I have evolved as a person and moreso a gay person over the years....and anyone who knows me will tell you that I adore femmes and the energy they exude. Let me also say that I feel that everyone should love and enjoy whomever they wish with the obvious caveats attached.

I detest labels but sometimes you just need to wear one...I am a female identified butch, that is but one "label". I've noticed that at times the energy that exudes from someone just gets to me and I've been even more surprised that it's from another butch. I readily admit that this has been with online conversation and has led to some very hot and intimate discussions....so the butch/butch desire doesn't seem so taboo to me anymore. I'm not sure if I could pursue this in real time but you know I've learned never say never. Life is too short not to enjoy it and with whoever brings the joy to you.

[Nat]

It's funny - I'm not used to reading comments like the ones posted by Jane in this space but wow do I ever hear those comments in person, especially one-on-one. In the real world, Jane's perspective is unfortunately the norm in some places. Happily not here.

A while back, I crossed a few butches off the dating list for complaining about what femmes are like in what seemed like a cartoonish way. It feels like in the real world - at least in central Texas - people either don't know what a femme is at all or imagine we are cartoons. As I told a friend at the time though, I'm done teaching femme 101. *shrug*

As far as butch and butch goes - if I were butch, I would be all about it.

[Jane Bond]

Originally Posted by Nat

It's funny - I'm not used to reading comments like the ones posted by Jane in this space but wow do I ever hear those comments in person, especially one-on-one. In the real world, Jane's perspective is unfortunately the norm in some places. Happily not here.

A while back, I crossed a few butches off the dating list for complaining about what femmes are like in what seemed like a cartoonish way. It feels like in the real world - at least in central Texas - people either don't know what a femme is at all or imagine we are cartoons. As I told a friend at the time though, I'm done teaching femme 101. *shrug*

As far as butch and butch goes - if I were butch, I would be all about it.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Wow, I feel like the donkey in a game of pin the tail on the donkey.
I have to admit, I don't have much experience with sites like this where people free-style their comments. Perhaps (hopefully) I am making all the mistakes right away so I can get past them asap. Or...maybe I am a donkey. Hmm.