How about butch and butch?

imperfect_cupcake · 11-22-2015, 07:18 PM

[quote=Jane Bond;1028082]

Quote:

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

It's ok. I get fucked off because I tend to wind up with butches who: want me to be a house maid and do all the cleaning, do all the cooking, make sure we are on par with writing budget costs, play nursey for them whenever they get sick, look after their dog(s) when they are hung over, do the grocery shopping, do all the admin stuff with bills and letters, talk to the health services and bank and gas people if they call and out my number as the contact, talk to their parents and charm them when they don't want to talk to them, deal with their siblings in the same way, buy the birthday and Christmas presents for their family members, remind them of appointments, do their fucking laundry, and because I'm a massage therapist, give them a nice rub too. All while I'm working to bring in cash.<<<

You really mean that you've encountered some butches who are that demanding and locked in that kind of 1950s male husband stereotype? I have never met a femme who would do all that, or any butch who expected her femme to act that way. The femmes I have known and loved have been feminists, had careers, took no sh*t, but they were nurturing, sexy, fun to be around and willing to split household duties and expenses 50/50. Not to mention the lingerie, ooh la la.

It's starts off that way. Then several years later it winds up being very different. I'm no carpet. I would never agree to such a thing. But four years later, after an egalitarian start, that is, very much what happens. I'm not old school. I'm post modern and feminist. Yet, still shit happens. I'm not blaming others- like I said before, when you posted about the *other* women you dated... The ones who were not like the ones in your above quoted post? The "gimme gimme" femmes (your descriptors) that you dated? Member talking abut those ones?

I will repeat what I said previously, I need better boundaries so that slippage doesn't happen four years later. I don't personally trust myself that after years of being with someone happens, and their behaviour starts doing what others have done, I will say clean up your act or hit the highway. I didn't with my exwife, instead I made allowances and excuses because life was being hard to her. And I loved her and cared about her.

It's not always simple. I find things go very much into dynamics that slowly slip, over the years, when living with someone. So, my choice is to just not. They have their place, I have mine. We treat each other's houses like little holidays. I've always preferred that. They do their own house chores, I hire a cleaner for mine (I'm not a haus frau), my money is mine and theirs is theirs to do with as they wish, not my biz. I can invite my mates over for a cocktail at 10pm, I don't have to ask if it's ok.

I just like the set up better. Keeps my sex drive healthy to have my own space.
I feel better about my boundaries. They don't have to be my daddy ALL the time, and I'm not their mum. I just like our independence

Different boats, different floats.

Good luck with yours

Jane Bond · 11-25-2015, 11:43 PM

[quote=imperfect_cupcake;1028105]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jane Bond

It's starts off that way. Then several years later it winds up being very different. I'm no carpet. I would never agree to such a thing. But four years later, after an egalitarian start, that is, very much what happens. I'm not old school. I'm post modern and feminist. Yet, still shit happens. I'm not blaming others- like I said before, when you posted about the *other* women you dated... The ones who were not like the ones in your above quoted post? The "gimme gimme" femmes (your descriptors) that you dated? Member talking abut those ones?

I will repeat what I said previously, I need better boundaries so that slippage doesn't happen four years later. I don't personally trust myself that after years of being with someone happens, and their behaviour starts doing what others have done, I will say clean up your act or hit the highway. I didn't with my exwife, instead I made allowances and excuses because life was being hard to her. And I loved her and cared about her.

It's not always simple. I find things go very much into dynamics that slowly slip, over the years, when living with someone. So, my choice is to just not. They have their place, I have mine. We treat each other's houses like little holidays. I've always preferred that. They do their own house chores, I hire a cleaner for mine (I'm not a haus frau), my money is mine and theirs is theirs to do with as they wish, not my biz. I can invite my mates over for a cocktail at 10pm, I don't have to ask if it's ok.

I just like the set up better. Keeps my sex drive healthy to have my own space.
I feel better about my boundaries. They don't have to be my daddy ALL the time, and I'm not their mum. I just like our independence

Different boats, different floats.

Good luck with yours

<<<<<

I understand what you're saying, and I'm pleasantly startled to realize I feel almost the same way. By that I mean I may want to settle down in the same house with a partner one day, but it's not going to be anytime soon. Yeah, I recall mentioning the gimme gimmes, but I was freshly back on the dating scene and my picker had to be recalibrated several times at first.
I like women like I like wine--the older the vintage...nevermind... I don't want to draw any more gunfire.

imperfect_cupcake · 11-26-2015, 08:00 AM

[quote=Jane Bond;1028788]

Quote:

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

<<<<<

I understand what you're saying, and I'm pleasantly startled to realize I feel almost the same way. By that I mean I may want to settle down in the same house with a partner one day, but it's not going to be anytime soon. Yeah, I recall mentioning the gimme gimmes, but I was freshly back on the dating scene and my picker had to be recalibrated several times at first.
I like women like I like wine--the older the vintage...nevermind... I don't want to draw any more gunfire.

We'll thing is, people here are just as opinionated as you are. I've gotten into full on scraps with lots of people here, mostly years ago. I got my arse handed to me on a plate a few times. I stuck around and learned how to socially understand posting in large forums.

Understanding number one - people don't know context to your comments unless you actually tell them.
Understanding number two - saying, yeah, ok that was kinda shit. Sorry. And meaning it rather than trying to always keep a wry upper hand works well. But then I used to apologise for a living and having to explain to hospital workers that saying "sorry" to patients saved a fuckton of bad feelings, upset and me having to mediates formal complaint.

Cheek is hard to read in text from those you don't know. And it's really culturally dependant on it being funny.

Don't take it personally. And saying things in like "I don't want to draw more gunfire" ... Dude, put a cup on

it won't stop people from voicing their opinions on the subjects you talk about anymore than it would stop you from responding to their posts.

It's a discussion forum. People are going to tell you exactly what they think. If you don't like certain posters, block them. You won't see their posts. I have a couple people blocked.

That's just an aside about posting in large, community based forums. Some of us "know each other" for 15 years.

I personally miss the big meaty topics with lots of argumentation and critical thinking. And if you used some faulty thinking, you got called out on it. If you couldn't say "oh, right. Shit. Ok. I see your point" then you looked like a complete twat. That, at least, still happens here. People speak out and people take things on the chin.

Anyway, back to the thread. Sorry for the derail.