Femme Led Relationships and Trans/Butch/Femme Bottoms

[weatherboi]

hi adorable-
thanks for putting forth such effort! great post!

Originally Posted by adorable

Thanks for starting this thread weatherboi. I started to post yesterday and stopped. I try to stay out of ID type threads due to the level of nastiness that normally results from them. Who we all are is complicated. There is nothing wrong with being just who you are and how you are - even if it makes sense only to you. What I have seen is that people are quick to say "YOU can't be that way because that doesn't work in MY head." lol. As if, how I am somehow makes them something else. Or the way that it works in my head means that I am trying to somehow negate how they feel even though I am talking about what works for ME. MY TRUTH. It doesn't belong to anyone else. I love it though when people say "No, you are wrong." Really? Why? What makes them right? Apparently, they think so - that makes it true.

i get this and see it in most aspects of my life being trans

Those things that are hot for us, our kinks and perversions are very personal and I think, they should be celebrated. I do now consider myself a submissive - that acknowledgement and understanding seemed to take FOREVER for me. I did consider it weak - although I wanted the exact same things as I do now, I called it something else before - anything but submissive. It was hard for me to understand the power exchange and the powerful stance of submitting. That I wasn't submitting to someone who was better then me somehow - that is where my head took it. (My ego hates that line of thinking.) I am a strong personality. I run things for a living. I had a million things that I thought meant that I was not a submissive or would make a horrible submissive. lol. I asked a ton of questions, I read a lot, I talked to other submissives and dom(me)s. Now I GET IT. Finally. And some people may still not consider me to be a submissive. What matters to me is that I do (and -->HE does. lol) I don't need the world to get it.

i could see where ego could get in the way of submitting...i know if my Ms sniffs out any cockiness or ego stuff that is getting in the way of my service she speaks to me about it

Submissive - the word - has the perception of weakness associated with it by society. Dominance is rewarded. Being on the bottom, we have been taught, doesn't seem quite so successful as being on the top of - well anything. What I wanted was to be submissive without the negative societal implications that I was somehow weaker for it.

I bottom ONLY to masculine male IDs and I top ONLY to feminine female IDs. It is very specific and about extremes for me. And it's not enough for them to have the right ID, they have to have the right look, attitude and level of disturbed-ness that works for me too. Now that may seem outwardly to be straightforward misogyny. It's not that I see male as more powerful and women as weaker in day to day life - but how I want to fuck and be fucked has very little with day to day life. It does have everything to do with perversion, my idea of hotness, a fucked up childhood and the twisted way that my mind works. Some people get off on the opposite, or something in between or riding a life size my little pony around the house. Somethings work and somethings just don't for each of us.
yeah i get it the whole raw dirty rough painful aspect of play/sex and that we all have our kink. i however cant view my Ms or any woman as weak in any aspect of my life, because this kink life i live touches me to some degree 24/7

I think we can all agree though that having a life size my little pony is hot.
how about hello kitty?

Society in general accepts my outward appearance more readily than others, in the same way that people just "get" (even though they have no idea about the REAL reason for why) that I want to be topped by a male ID. They don't question my desire for that in the same way they would you for wanting to be topped by a femme. I've heard people say a real butch doesn't_____ !! (Just fill in anything like a mad lib - just about every verb works.) Hearing that shit is like nails on a chalkboard for me. Like some people refer to their partner as "my old lady." Ugh. Welcome to 2010 folks....

There is so much more I'd like to say but now it would head off into the butch femme thing for me - which NEVER EVER works - so I will stop. Great thread!

maybe you should open a thread to discuss the topic you are halting on...it may be a good thing.