Femme Led Relationships and Trans/Butch/Femme Bottoms

weatherboi · 05-15-2010, 11:06 PM

Hi Becca-
Thanks for taking the time to post about your relationship and experiences. Evolution is great between 2 people. Switching is cool. I have never been involved in a relationship where we switched. I think it would be hard for me to Top my Ms. Confusing for me. Now don't get me wrong I can reciprocate fucking her but I will never be topping her. Make sense? Has switching ever been a struggle in your D/g dynamic?

Quote:

Originally Posted by MidnightBlueEyes

I can totally relate to this subject... I am a Switch. I began my relationship with my Daddy as his babygirl.. We evolved into a D/s D/g relationship.

My Daddy is an FTM and is also a Switch. We both have a dominant and a submissive side. He is predominantly my Daddy/Sir, I am his babygirl/submissive. But I am also Mistress to his submissive boy side.

I have had to watch my lesbian friends look of disgust when I explain why I call my partner "he". Add to that trying to explain D/s roles I very rarely will explain I also have a submissive boy... I refuse to subject him to anyone who will put him down or make him feel bad. Of course I also live in the bible belt.

If my friends judge my relationship ANY PART of my relationship I let them fade into my past as I don't have time for people like that. My boy is very special to me and I will protect him with my life... Just as Daddy protects his babygirl with his life. My two best (straight) friends know about my submissive boy and I know they will always be respectful toward my relationship.

I have not discussed this openly much because being a Switch is often looked up negatively as well.

I really am happy to see the positiveness this community is showing on Butch Femme Planet. I am pleased that Daddy and I have joined this site... And I am very glad you started this thread weatherboi.. I am so glad you felt secure enough to discuss how you feel and how others have made you feel when they are disrespectful to your Ms.

I look forward to reading further comments on this subject.

Becca

Isadora · 05-15-2010, 11:32 PM

I have been served by four bois in my life. Their strength and butchness was never questioned...they all have both. The ridicule they put up with from femmes who were disappointed they were "really not tops", to butches into butches who can't figure out what they see in Me, to being hurt as the big bad butch top next to them goes into a fit of frenzied denial when mistaken for a bottom (like it was some kind of horrid possibility), to the butch top who tells them bottom butches are only good for a blow job, to being asked if hy wore frilly panties, too...all insulting, all hurtful and all unnecessary.

D once said to me, "Ma'am, I am the butch of your dreams and the bottom of your fantasies." Hy was both and wonderful.

Sachita · 05-16-2010, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Isadora

D once said to me, "Ma'am, I am the butch of your dreams and the bottom of your fantasies." Hy was both and wonderful.

OMG that would melt me. I got goose bumps just reading it.

WingsOnFire · 05-15-2010, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by weatherboi

Hi Becca-
Thanks for taking the time to post about your relationship and experiences. Evolution is great between 2 people. Switching is cool. I have never been involved in a relationship where we switched. I think it would be hard for me to Top my Ms. Confusing for me. Now don't get me wrong I can reciprocate fucking her but I will never be topping her. Make sense? Has switching ever been a struggle in your D/g dynamic?

I am a dominant woman in my everyday life.. I am a Scorpio. So I have a dominant personality which allows me to be a switch. In submitting I release the stresses that life throws my way. I can not even begin to express what it means to me to be a submissive. I also cant express what it means to me to be Mistress to my submissive boy. When you are given control over someones life in that way it is an honor that I do not take lightly...

I can totally understand you not being able to top your Ms.... actually I am not sure I can imagine anyone topping her... maybe just my perception??? But that does not make you weak in ANY WAY... to me a submissive has to be strong as steal... with the control we give up we must have given complete trust to our Dominant.. there is nothing weak about that...

As to your question first my babygirl side and submissive side of my dynamic are totally separate. I am predominantly a submissive now when I was 100% babygirl when our relationship began... So I was making sure to clarify the answer to your question as it really doesnt pertain to my babygirl side as Daddy is ALWAYS present when I am in babygirl mode if you want to call it that...

As far as switching within my D/s relationship it can sometimes be difficult to switch within your own relationship but it is very rarely an issue... Having a dominant side allows me to express that side of myself yet express my submissive side which is as much a part of me as breathing is. I have had people tell me that they can switch but not with their partner... I can and have topped another submissive but I can understand how some can not imagine switching with their Dominant... Or might have a Dominant who is not a switch which of course would require having another submissive to top.

My primary role is submissive, Daddy/Sir's primary role is Dominant. So for me I have not really had any issues with switching within our relationship. He is always very conscious of my emotional state and realizes if I am capable of being Dominant or not.

Hope that makes sense... I am half asleep.. We took a nap this afternoon which has me up WAYYY past my bedtime.

Becca

DamonK · 05-15-2010, 11:40 PM

Not to confuse anyone here...

As MBE said, I am a Switch. However, being called "Damon" instantly brings out the dominance, the Daddy, the Sir, the asshole -- whatever you want to call me when I'm "him".

Therefore, to make it easier, if I'm in the boy headspace, and don't need to be yanked out of boyspace, I'm called "J". Yes there's an entire name with it, but... well I have to have a FEW secrets, yanno.

So, speaking as J for now...

Is it difficult at times? Hell yes.
Does it get confusing at times? Hell yes.
Overall, do I love being able to be both? Hell yes.
Have I thought of giving it up -- the switching? Hell yes.
Would I give it up? Hell no.

Why is this?

This is not the correct thread, but as some may know, I have bipolar. My moods experience ups and downs that I can't control. The meds help me.

For me, being a switch is the "med" for my dominance. I get stuck in topspace and drop into an almost-depression when I come down from topspace. The submission allows me to balance.

I can't dominate all the time. I can't submit all the time.

Do people look at us like we're nuts? Yeah fairly regularly.

Do the same rules apply for me? Yes. If, as a boy, I do something wrong, I get punished. I have assignments. I have things I'm supposed to do. I do my best to get everything done.

How do we keep the distinctions separate? Very, very carefully. I'm supposed to journal regularly in order to check in. I switch from Sir to boy for approximately an hour every couple of days to check in. If there is something planned that is a special treat that I would enjoy as a boy, I switch. For example, a trip to the zoo. Gotta see those tigers. Gotta GET one of those tigers but I keep getting told no.

Being a Switch is a compromise. I suppose you could think of it as having 2 relationships. We don't have any real "set" times that I'm dominant and she's submissive, or vice versa.

It depends on the day, the situation, and our surroundings.

J

Sachita · 05-16-2010, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by weatherboi

. Now don't get me wrong I can reciprocate fucking her but I will never be topping her. Make sense? Has switching ever been a struggle in your D/g dynamic?

Do me, this way NOW! lol- yes I understand. You exist to please her at any capacity. Perfect sense.

WingsOnFire · 05-16-2010, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sachita

Do me, this way NOW! lol- yes I understand. You exist to please her at any capacity. Perfect sense.

Oh yes... the fact that a submissive may participate in the act of intercourse does not in any way change the roles they play in their relationship.... it just expresses the fact that the submissive strives to please his/her Mistress and does exactly as he/her is told. yummy...

DamonK · 05-16-2010, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MidnightBlueEyes

Oh yes... the fact that a submissive may participate in the act of intercourse does not in any way change the roles they play in their relationship.... it just expresses the fact that the submissive strives to please his/her Mistress and does exactly as he/her is told. yummy...

You wouldn't know anything about this, would you?

J

05-15-2010, 11:32 PM	#2
Isadora Member How Do You Identify?: Momma, Ma'am Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: I am in love. Truly Madly Deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: California Posts: 997 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 502 Thanked 2,127 Times in 559 Posts Rep Power: 2369288	I have been served by four bois in my life. Their strength and butchness was never questioned...they all have both. The ridicule they put up with from femmes who were disappointed they were "really not tops", to butches into butches who can't figure out what they see in Me, to being hurt as the big bad butch top next to them goes into a fit of frenzied denial when mistaken for a bottom (like it was some kind of horrid possibility), to the butch top who tells them bottom butches are only good for a blow job, to being asked if hy wore frilly panties, too...all insulting, all hurtful and all unnecessary. D once said to me, "Ma'am, I am the butch of your dreams and the bottom of your fantasies." Hy was both and wonderful. __________________ "I have a respect for manners as such, they are a way of dealing with people you don't agree with or like." Margaret Mead Read me! www.leatherati.com

05-15-2010, 11:40 PM	#5
DamonK Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: May 2010 Location: . Posts: 2,199 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,527 Thanked 7,762 Times in 1,881 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Not to confuse anyone here... As MBE said, I am a Switch. However, being called "Damon" instantly brings out the dominance, the Daddy, the Sir, the asshole -- whatever you want to call me when I'm "him". Therefore, to make it easier, if I'm in the boy headspace, and don't need to be yanked out of boyspace, I'm called "J". Yes there's an entire name with it, but... well I have to have a FEW secrets, yanno. So, speaking as J for now... Is it difficult at times? Hell yes. Does it get confusing at times? Hell yes. Overall, do I love being able to be both? Hell yes. Have I thought of giving it up -- the switching? Hell yes. Would I give it up? Hell no. Why is this? This is not the correct thread, but as some may know, I have bipolar. My moods experience ups and downs that I can't control. The meds help me. For me, being a switch is the "med" for my dominance. I get stuck in topspace and drop into an almost-depression when I come down from topspace. The submission allows me to balance. I can't dominate all the time. I can't submit all the time. Do people look at us like we're nuts? Yeah fairly regularly. Do the same rules apply for me? Yes. If, as a boy, I do something wrong, I get punished. I have assignments. I have things I'm supposed to do. I do my best to get everything done. How do we keep the distinctions separate? Very, very carefully. I'm supposed to journal regularly in order to check in. I switch from Sir to boy for approximately an hour every couple of days to check in. If there is something planned that is a special treat that I would enjoy as a boy, I switch. For example, a trip to the zoo. Gotta see those tigers. Gotta GET one of those tigers but I keep getting told no. Being a Switch is a compromise. I suppose you could think of it as having 2 relationships. We don't have any real "set" times that I'm dominant and she's submissive, or vice versa. It depends on the day, the situation, and our surroundings. J