The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

[Linus]

Originally Posted by Pretty Woman

But Portia Derossi isn't femme! She is a straight chick that was looking for a publicity boost! But did anyone see the Cynthia Nixon interview last week where she referred to her butch fiancee as 'a man with boobs'? Honestly, I was offended as it struck me as apologetically homophobic!

I couldn't disagree more. I often feel that the only 'acceptables' are femmes...the straighter looking the better. And that butches only get noticed by the MSM when the media wants us for a freak show. Sort of analogous to when the local news only shows the Radical Fairies at gay pride.

But do they see them as femmes or feminine lesbians??

[Pretty Woman]

Originally Posted by Semantics

Oh. Do you know her?

She's married to a woman. I don't really know how either she or her wife identify but I think it's unkind to reduce a couple's relationship to a "publicity boost".

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I've no clue if Portia is a Femme, or uses that gender identity, I believe though she has been dating women since 04 how long do we hold on to the straight chick label before we are ok'd to be gay, queer etc?

To both, I do know (of) her in the one degree of separation kind of way. Do either of you?

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Pretty Woman

To both, I do know (of) her in the one degree of separation kind of way. Do either of you?

How come she had girlfriends before Ellen?

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Pretty Woman

To both, I do know (of) her in the one degree of separation kind of way. Do either of you?

No, I have no friends who know of her, know her, so no I don't know her enough to say if she is Femme, straight, or if she is out to trick the world with her wiley straight ways and pretend she is gay.

I am clueless... I just figured she was married to Ellen, dated some singer in 04 who happened to be a woman, made her a lil on the gay side of the spectrum.

I am wrong, I guess?

[SuperFemme]

I'm not willing to denounce any Queer's membership to Queerdom, especially when they've come out in Hollywood. I wish MORE people in the entertainment industry would be out...I really do.

[JustJo]

Hi everyone

I've been reading this thread since it started and was all ready to post...and then Linus tossed this one in there...

Originally Posted by Linus

But do they see them as femmes or feminine lesbians??

Now, I know this was about mainstream media and all of that public perception stuff, but it also got me thinking...and I've been chewing on it ever since. I'm one of those who took a very long time to figure myself out...for a variety of reasons I won't even begin to go into here. What I do know is that when I finally discovered the butch-femme community it clicked and felt right to me in a way that neither the straight community or the andro-lesbian community did.

I know I'm femme. It's when I start trying to explain and define it that I get into rough ground...and Linus' post is a part of that.

I'm naturally pretty feminine, and am comfortable with that. I wear skirts and dresses, like my nails manicured and prefer kitten heels to pretty much anything else. I like to cook, love to bake, am squeamish, giggle...pretty cliched stuff. However, I'm also stubborn, headstrong, extremely independent and capable. I have an advanced degree, a professional job, and run my own life. I don't need anyone to take care of me...never have since the age of about 14. Anyone who tries to tell me how to think will get an earful...and then some.

So am I "feminine" in the traditional sense? In some ways, yes. In others, not even close. Maybe what I am is not so much feminine as feminist...defining my own femaleness on my own terms.

So then the lesbian part of Linus' question...am I? Well, yea...based on the fact that I'm in a relationship with and love a woman...yes. However, the woman I love is butch... and I'm not attracted at all to feminine or androgynous women. So...what does this all mean?

Am I femme because I'm attracted to butches? That can't be it...I see plenty of femmes who are attracted to other femmes. And if I'm not in a relationship with a butch it isn't like my identity vanishes either. I can be a celibate femme, a femme who loves other femmes, a femme who loves butches....all of those are still femme...even if they aren't my style of being femme.

All of these are spinning around in my head right now....feminine, feminist, femme...and I don't know where the lines are for me. In many ways, I wear the label "femme" as a way to help others know me, at least a little, before they know me for real...as my own unique self. I'm left feeling that my screen name describes it better than my femme label....because when it all boils down to what's really true and important...I'm just Jo.