The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by Pretty Woman

Thanks for the open door, Lady Snow. And yes what you say does make sense and I get the connection but I just happen not to be interested too much in supporting folks that are just coming out. We can discuss later if you'd like. I realize it's not a popular opinion here.
Not sure where to start to introduce my femmeness to the rest of you on this thread. Let's see. Out as a femme for about 3 decades (although I didn't have the language for it back then) starting in a small town in GA where there were lots of butches (on a military base) and not so many visible femmes. Moved to DC--NO FEMMES TO BE FOUND, and not so many butches either. Been in NYC for about 20 years and landed first at the Lesbian Herstory Archives where the founders--Joan Nestle and Deb Edel--really introduced me to BF herstory and I began to lean into my own femme identity.
My first BF sexual experience was with a butch who notched her belt on newly minted femmes, straight women exploring sexuality to be more to the point. At the time that worked for me too as I was interested in another butch but had no sexual experience and didn't want to try it out first with someone that I was way more than a little bit hot for. And, I had one relationship that ended when the butch figured hy was more attracted to elusive and challenging straight women than to femmes. Devestated at the time but in retrospect a great learning for me.
I look very straight on first glance, but as you wrote in an earlier post here, it doesn't take 5 minutes in a conversation to figure out that I'm femme. In some sense the fact that in my earlier life I 'could pass' helped me to come out. I was tired of the heteronormative assumptions by everyone, including a very dyke older boss at the time. I have a son who I raised alone (he's 33 now) and in addition to my appearance that sealed the straight assumption since it was long before butches and femmes had babies of their own accord.
I work in a field dominated by straight men and I know that I've fully swallowed my femme self because none of them try to hit on me anymore!
Enough rambling for now, but happy to say more as we get to know each other here.

I am having a very hard time with what you are saying here... in one sentence you say...

Originally Posted by Pretty Woman

...landed first at the Lesbian Herstory Archives where the founders--Joan Nestle and Deb Edel--really introduced me to BF herstory and I began to lean into my own femme identity.

And you also say...

Originally Posted by Pretty Woman

I just happen not to be interested too much in supporting folks that are just coming out.

I'm not saying you should be the poster child for coming out as Queer or Femme or whatever... but in this thinking, it's like not caring about how you got to where you are today. They helped you figure yourself out by the introduction to Herstory, yet you have no interest in keeping that movement and vision alive by continuing to support it?

I'm incredibly perplexed by this...