Femme Led Relationships and Trans/Butch/Femme Bottoms

[SuperFemme]

Bottoming. It's not exclusive to BDSM. That is incredibly limiting.

[Jess]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Bottoming. It's not exclusive to BDSM. That is incredibly limiting.

In my relatively limited history, I had until here and now never heard anyone outside of a BDSM relationship refer to themselves as a bottom or top for that matter. If this is yet another new use of an old term then I have been remiss.

Could you please clarify the use of this term for me outside of the obvious BDSM connotation?

Thank you.

[Jess]

Thanks June. My only other guess was that it was a sexual positioning kind of usage of the term.

FYI, I think bossy women are hot. rawr

[SuperFemme]

Bottoming for *me* is not about a sexual position. I am not in the leather scene but I don't think one has to be in order to enjoy sexual power exchanges.

I get that Bottom traditionally is talked about in the leather sense, but I think that it has expanded beyond that.

I mean NO disrespect to anyone for whom Bottoming IS a leather activity. I appreciate all realms of sexuality.

eta: if we want to deconstruct this further please pm me. i don't want to derail this thread.

[weatherboi]

my first relationship was Femme led and i was bottom in bed and the decision making. No BDSM involved at all. i don't feel like that relationship was about power exchange as much as it was about it just being natural...i mean there is an obvious power exchange but it was something we fell into. we did not speak about it or negotiate anything...it was just a natural flow.

Good thing to bring up and look at!!!
Thanks!!!

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Bottoming. It's not exclusive to BDSM. That is incredibly limiting.

Originally Posted by June

I'm going to redirect this back to the topic, which is:

Femme led Relationships and Trans/Butch Bottoms

I think it has been made clear by the placement of the thread and subsequent conversations that this is not specifically a BDSM D/s thread, but rather for the discussion of Butches and Transmen who happen to like "Bossy Girls/Women". Of course there will be an aspect of BDSM D/s included because there is definite cross-over.

However, in answer to Jess' question, even though you didn't ask me, without sharing too much, I am not involved in a D/s relationship with my partner, however, I do consider myself as a bottom in bed. That may not jibe up with how it works for you, but it does, so far work for us.

And, I'm also real, real bossy.

Carry on - Please be respectful, and if you find there are folks you can't or won't see eye to eye with, then please don't engage with them, poke at them, etc. And this extends to partners, lovers and friends.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by weatherboi

my first relationship was Femme led and i was bottom in bed and the decision making. No BDSM involved at all. i don't feel like that relationship was about power exchange as much as it was about it just being natural...i mean there is an obvious power exchange but it was something we fell into. we did not speak about it or negotiate anything...it was just a natural flow.

Good thing to bring up and look at!!!
Thanks!!!

Thank you for this thread btw. It's been really thought provoking and constructive for me.

I use to tell people when asked what I was into "erotic control". In my opinion female domination was not BDSM. There are elements within FD that look like BDSM and when one is a seductress hunting and harvesting erotic control they before artful with the play. I became experienced at BDSM play not because I flog someone and get off on rolling a whip against naked flesh but the dynamic it's building between the two of us. I don't need to have bdsm play in my D/s to feel a power exhausting. The subtle innuendos that seduce us deeper into that sexual space is chemistry unlike the typical vanilla dynamic. For me it's constant and always there even when we are appearing to be the typical butch-femme couple, laying on my back getting fucked or cuddling up on his shoulder.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by June

I'm going to redirect this back to the topic, which is:

Femme led Relationships and Trans/Butch Bottoms

I think it has been made clear by the placement of the thread and subsequent conversations that this is not specifically a BDSM D/s thread, but rather for the discussion of Butches and Transmen who happen to like "Bossy Girls/Women". Of course there will be an aspect of BDSM D/s included because there is definite cross-over.

However, in answer to Jess' question, even though you didn't ask me, without sharing too much, I am not involved in a D/s relationship with my partner, however, I do consider myself as a bottom in bed. That may not jibe up with how it works for you, but it does, so far work for us.

And, I'm also real, real bossy.

Carry on - Please be respectful, and if you find there are folks you can't or won't see eye to eye with, then please don't engage with them, poke at them, etc. And this extends to partners, lovers and friends.

I like that, "Bossy Bottom". I would say that could define me but I think it's much deeper then that but what a great term.

[christie]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Bottoming. It's not exclusive to BDSM. That is incredibly limiting.

This is where it gets sticky for me. We redefine words.

Bottoming, as I understand it, and as I checked with a fellow kinkster with over 30 years experience, was a term coined to define a role for an individual on the receiving end of a scene who was not in a definable relationship with the Dominant/Sadist/Master (no offense meant to using nonfemale descriptors - assume them included)

I am curious to know how you see bottoming outside a power exchange/BDSM dynamic.

[christie]

Originally Posted by christie0918

This is where it gets sticky for me. We redefine words.

Bottoming, as I understand it, and as I checked with a fellow kinkster with over 30 years experience, was a term coined to define a role for an individual on the receiving end of a scene who was not in a definable relationship with the Dominant/Sadist/Master (no offense meant to using nonfemale descriptors - assume them included)

I am curious to know how you see bottoming outside a power exchange/BDSM dynamic.

I don't normally quote myself, but I thought I made it clear in my post that I acknowledged how bottoming can be about how you fuck, but also that the OP went on to clarify that wasn't the intent (or at least thats how I read it).

That being said, what other ways is "bottom" used if not in a BDSM/sexual connotation?