Femme Led Relationships and Trans/Butch/Femme Bottoms

[Random]

Originally Posted by Martina

i didn't mean during bdsm play. i meant if you have a D/s relationship. Over time, your sub has to know you if she or he is to serve you well. You have to be KNOWN to them. That is a kind of vulnerability. There are others. But that's the sort of thing i meant.

Ah... Different views...

I don't view what is in me as play... not in the least bit (I understand the way you used it)

For me... My partner is getting to know me, is peeling me like an onion and I her... That is part of any heathy relationship...

For me that has nothing to do with submission and dominance..

[Medusa]

In my relationship with Jack, I am the boss of her.
I am, however, still amused to this day when I think back to how many times someone thought that I was her "Mommy" or that she was my submissive in the bedroom.
*snort*

[Chancie]

Originally Posted by Martina

<snip>

i like seeing boys exposed and hungry and afraid and adoring their Tops.

<snip>

Aw, have you met my Pete?

[Martina]

Originally Posted by Random

For me... My partner is getting to know me, is peeling me like an onion and I her... That is part of any heathy relationship...

For me that has nothing to do with submission and dominance..

No, it doesn't necessarily. It's part of any relationship as you say. But for some people it does have to do with D/s. It does for me, for example, because i am 24/7.

[Isadora]

All relationships are about energy exchange, not necessarily about "power" exchange, but I don't know a relationship that has lasted longer then a couple years that does not at some point deal with balance of "power". Especially since, in my understanding, this is not a BDSM thread and therefore BDSM and D/S relationships have a unique form of power exchange.

My grandmother ran the household. She was bossy. My grandfather adored her and his always strove to make her happy. She led fearlessly. He followed willingly. They, as far as I know, were not a BDSM couple.

My Great Aunt Laura thew her abusive father out of the house when she was 16 and with her brother George (a year older then her) supported and raised her 8 younger brother and sisters and she ran her husband the same way. Mr. Ward did everything she asked and loved her.

I am bossy. I like to be in control until I don't want to be. Heh. I boss Hawk around and have for years (going on 22). It is innate. I do not have a D/s relationship with Hawk. Hawk is not my bottom/boi. Hawk is my spousal unit we have very clear understandings of how our energy is exchanged. Heh.

Now I remember hearing my Grandpa's younger brother once say that my Grandfather was "hen pecked" but I never ever in years of being with them heard him complain or do anything but agree with her. Except when he would slip me money when she was not around. *soft smile* Sometimes outside observations of people's relationships is assumptive and annulling.

I think this is where I get confused when taking/co-opting/borrowing/re-defining D/s leather language (i.e. bottom) and using it in vanilla or other flavors of relationships. I see common language as a feature of a "culture" and when I see it out of cultural contest, I have to be the "hanged man" and look from upside down to see from a different point of view. Everyone does that at a different angle and sometimes no matter how many ways I look at it, it just doesn't work for me. But I always try to look.

So, my point is relationships, are like snowflakes, each one unique and beautiful or disgusting in its own little way.

[Medusa]

I missed this post Isadora, but wanted to say that I found it quite powerful and lovely

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by Isadora

All relationships are about energy exchange, not necessarily about "power" exchange, but I don't know a relationship that has lasted longer then a couple years that does not at some point deal with balance of "power". Especially since, in my understanding, this is not a BDSM thread and therefore BDSM and D/S relationships have a unique form of power exchange.

My grandmother ran the household. She was bossy. My grandfather adored her and his always strove to make her happy. She led fearlessly. He followed willingly. They, as far as I know, were not a BDSM couple.

My Great Aunt Laura thew her abusive father out of the house when she was 16 and with her brother George (a year older then her) supported and raised her 8 younger brother and sisters and she ran her husband the same way. Mr. Ward did everything she asked and loved her.

I am bossy. I like to be in control until I don't want to be. Heh. I boss Hawk around and have for years (going on 22). It is innate. I do not have a D/s relationship with Hawk. Hawk is not my bottom/boi. Hawk is my spousal unit we have very clear understandings of how our energy is exchanged. Heh.

Now I remember hearing my Grandpa's younger brother once say that my Grandfather was "hen pecked" but I never ever in years of being with them heard him complain or do anything but agree with her. Except when he would slip me money when she was not around. *soft smile* Sometimes outside observations of people's relationships is assumptive and annulling.

I think this is where I get confused when taking/co-opting/borrowing/re-defining D/s leather language (i.e. bottom) and using it in vanilla or other flavors of relationships. I see common language as a feature of a "culture" and when I see it out of cultural contest, I have to be the "hanged man" and look from upside down to see from a different point of view. Everyone does that at a different angle and sometimes no matter how many ways I look at it, it just doesn't work for me. But I always try to look.

So, my point is relationships, are like snowflakes, each one unique and beautiful or disgusting in its own little way.

You have such a beautifully articulate and yet simple way of saying things. Sometimes I struggle with words, finding definitions that dont fit just so I can communicate without being misunderstood. How I am, like you bossy etc, on a day to day is not part of the Goddess Femdom Diva in me. That aspect of me looks for magic, a connection way beyond words that leaves me breathless.

I was speaking to a boi that is wanting my attention trying to describe who i am and the type of connection I'm looking for. Aside from my day to day, a strong bossy independent woman, the Mistress in me needs a constant tempo and exchange of adoration and worship. This can only be met by one who truly has a need and desire to give this. It won't work if you're giving it just to win me. They need to give as much as I need to take or in some cases receive what I project.

I will be the first one to say "I'm a bitch with double standards." I think its great when hy says "I love that about you."

[The_Lady_Snow]

...................

[Waldo]

Leave it to Snow to whore around for conversation.

xo Snowy.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Waldo

Leave it to Snow to whore around for conversation.

xo Snowy.

Well it is Saturday night, it's how it rolls...

[waxnrope]

Originally Posted by Isadora

All relationships are about energy exchange, not necessarily about "power" exchange, but I don't know a relationship that has lasted longer then a couple years that does not at some point deal with balance of "power". Especially since, in my understanding, this is not a BDSM thread and therefore BDSM and D/S relationships have a unique form of power exchange.

My grandmother ran the household. She was bossy. My grandfather adored her and his always strove to make her happy. She led fearlessly. He followed willingly. They, as far as I know, were not a BDSM couple.

My Great Aunt Laura thew her abusive father out of the house when she was 16 and with her brother George (a year older then her) supported and raised her 8 younger brother and sisters and she ran her husband the same way. Mr. Ward did everything she asked and loved her.

I am bossy. I like to be in control until I don't want to be. Heh. I boss Hawk around and have for years (going on 22). It is innate. I do not have a D/s relationship with Hawk. Hawk is not my bottom/boi. Hawk is my spousal unit we have very clear understandings of how our energy is exchanged. Heh.

Now I remember hearing my Grandpa's younger brother once say that my Grandfather was "hen pecked" but I never ever in years of being with them heard him complain or do anything but agree with her. Except when he would slip me money when she was not around. *soft smile* Sometimes outside observations of people's relationships is assumptive and annulling.

I think this is where I get confused when taking/co-opting/borrowing/re-defining D/s leather language (i.e. bottom) and using it in vanilla or other flavors of relationships. I see common language as a feature of a "culture" and when I see it out of cultural contest, I have to be the "hanged man" and look from upside down to see from a different point of view. Everyone does that at a different angle and sometimes no matter how many ways I look at it, it just doesn't work for me. But I always try to look.

So, my point is relationships, are like snowflakes, each one unique and beautiful or disgusting in its own little way.

This thread is not a place that I thought to view. I believed that there was nothing for me here. However, one doesn't learn anything by avoiding ...

Your post, Isadora, certainly changed my thinking. What you have is deep and powerful and interrogates the binary traps in which we have a tendency to set for ourselves ... and others. You've planted fertile soil in which to grow. I have learned much from it ... and sense there are things ... yes, for me ... within in which I need to consider. A week's worth of reflection at least ... I'm slow, what can I say?

Thanks for eloquent way of saying it, and thanks to WB for starting this thread ...

[bigbutchmistie]

Great thread...