Gender Wars - A Femme's Perspective

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by apretty

:i don't feel animosity--i do feel protective of female-identified butches because keeping the *she* in this world has become a subversive act, and i think that's super ballsy

YES! I swear not even 2 days ago I looked at Jackhammer in the middle of a conversation about identities and said that claiming the "she" that I am and that she is in our own separate ways is fucking subversive. (and that's hot)
I see some parallels about it having been a subversive act on the dash site to demand and claim female when things were particularly hostile toward "all things female" there.(my read)

Originally Posted by apretty

:and i'm suspect of the multitudes of young butches that see transitioning as the answer.
and i feel that male-identified/presenting peoples are privileged and i would love if that were acknowledged more often.
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I'm crazy glad you brought this up. I feel like it's a touchy subject about the movement of more young butches toward a Trans identity because I do see layers of "the answer to my "I dont feel ok" problem within that youth community sometimes. And no, it's not really about ageism for me - It is about the youth of anyone's gender identity and how I relate it to what I see as an evolution process for all of us.
Sometimes I have wondered if it is about internal misogyny, about power dynamics, about wanting to gain privilege, about the subversive and intentional "othering" of the self that says "SEEE! SEEEEEE! I really AM a unique and special butterfly!!"
I also recognize that I don't have the right to question any individual's journey to themself, even if it doesn't make sense to me. I would like to understand it though and I hope I get to ask (respectful) questions to make that happen.

Originally Posted by apretty

:again, i don't see a war. i see that society positions women against each other and so unless you've done some work in this area and continue to work pretty hard at not being suspicious of your sisters, you're going to be a product of our society (which sucks, but it is what it is).
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Word. I think this is what Heart has touched on all over the place (not said in a snarky way, but a way that says I recognize she has been advocating for this vehemently and with utter commendable conviction).
I see misogyny dictating that not only are women "less than" men, but that women also must be "less than" each other. Because that whole construct of "You must be this type of woman with x, y, and z characteristics to be considered valid, desireable, acceptable, and any other number of "unattainable" virtues" is at work *within* our own female communities. Hello? Look at the fractioning with the female/male identities in the Butch communities and the "Diamond-encrusted best-Femme-in-the-Universe EWWWWWWWwouldnevereatpussybecauseitsickybutpleaseo penmydoorbecauseImahelplesswiddlekitten" shit that tries to play out in the Femme community.
That shit is not just about people trying to "gender top" one another. It's the ingrained messages that the world feeds us from DAY ONE about who we are supposed to be and how we are supposed to get there.
I'm guilty as FUCK of buying into it in my lifetime - being the "mean girl" who had to automatically hate all amazing women because I wasn't as "insert whatever" as them. Those messages and my own inability to look inward at WHY and question if any of that shit was real ROBBED me of many possibly good friendships with other women because I was too busy being jealous, suspecting them of wanting to fuck my girlfriend, competing, and feeling insecure in the glow of their amazingness. I felt incredibly empowered the minute I said, "No More" to myself and it changed my world for the better.
I'm a better friend because of that, a better partner, and a happier person because I examined and questioned and evolved and am still willing to do more to shed that fucking nasty ass snakeskin of bullshit that the world throws on us the minute we are born if it means I get to have more Junes and Arwens and Divas and Michelleys and Snows and Adeles and Prettys and NJFemmes and Nats and Betes and Irishes in my life.

Originally Posted by apretty

erhaps i'm not getting the war-stuff, but in the end i believe we all know that there's power/strength and safety in numbers--and despite how dreadfully annoying i might find a person's communication style, it behooves us to get along.
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You just nailed the crux of what has been on my mind for the last few days. I have become painfully irritated with some of the squealing "Me-ism" that I have seen in parts of this site but I do examine that as a personal communication style that bothers me no matter what the person might be talking about. That's a personal filter for me, doesn't mean that what the person is saying isn't valid...it just means I have to work a little harder to hear them through the noise that is bothering me.