Lack of understanding of genderqueer

[Esme nha Maire]

Originally Posted by ClintB

Gender queer is a term that I'm starting to explore for myself.

Honestly I'm always a little late to my own party. Every since I can remember I was misgendered. In high school I tried girly but I never cared about cloths and frequently bought men's cloths... just because I liked them. I embraced an andogenous look when I came out, but girlfriends who were more butch than I pressured me to try be more feminine. It didn't work and it only made me feel more ashamed that I was failing girl school all over again... and self destructive behavior.

I'm trying to stop all the bullshit. I struggle to find a "professional" look that I am comfortable in, but in my day to day life I've cut my hair how I want, and now strictly wear men's clothing. I have some chest dysphoria I'm trying to figure out.

The problem with butch is that it's such a heavy label. I've not known a butch community that doesn't get into strong arming each other into stereotypes. I am sorry if that's totally wrong... it's just been my experience. I don't want another title I have to defend using. Gender queer is not at title I've fully adopted. I am in a confused state for gender... I'm not sure if I never was truly of girl, or if I've finally given up after being kicked out of the girl club so many times. :/

And that's a huge reason why I've come to these boards.

I hope you manage to feel comfortable with who you are as soon as possible, ClintB! (hugs). I've waaay less experience of life than most here (I mean, varied experiences of life. I may have existed longer than a lot of the folk here, but it's been a very narrow existence for much of it) but one thing that helped me somewhat through times when I felt pushed hither and thither by a world determined to try to make me what I was not was my namesake, Esme Weatherwax (from Terry Pratchett's Discworld stories) who is renowned for being herself just as hard as she can, whom I've long regarded as a bit of a role model.

There are various names for people that insist you have to be in this or that group and fit some preconceived notions of what it means to be in this or that group. Let's be gentle and call these people idiots. I think what they're really concerned about is their own self-identity, they want it affirmed - and if you don't fit their idea of themselves, they don't see you as being part of their group/clique whatever. That does have a certain utility, to an extent, as it allows us to quickly identify folk we might be interested in, or wish to avoid, but it becomes invidious when it's used to attack or criticise folk just for being themselves. There are always mavericks, outliers, in any sizable group of people. The idiots can make it feel painful to be one that doesn't quite fit in, but it emphatically is OK to be different, if you are.

May you find your way to happier times soon, dear. xx