PTSD and Trauma recovery

[FireSignFemme]

Thanks. I've experienced abuse at the hands of both men and women too. None of it felt good but I found the abuse handed down by women especially painful, more so than what I experienced with men, even when the abuse wasn't as intense. As much work as I've done in therapy over the years I still don't understand, fully get why that is.

[FireSignFemme]

My son and I went out and over breakfast had a good talk. He has the same concerns I do about the apartment J and I looked at but even so thinks I should move if I'm approved. As he pointed out every place has it's pros and cons but we're not talking amenities, interior design, just being picky. We're talking basic safety.

I don't know I don't feel scared being here. I mean I left home for good three days after turning fifteen and compared to the places I stayed back then, oh this is a cake walk, complete and total joy, gun fire and all. However no this is not a place I want any grandchild of mine to ever be exposed to.

I once had a therapist tell me I should ask myself - Is this something I would want for my children, anyone else I love and care about? And if the answer is no then I shouldn't find it acceptable for me either. I should be just as protective of myself as I am of others.

Fact is often times I worry more about the well being, health and safety of strangers than I worry about the well being, health and safety of me. Most of my life I've just felt young and strong and invincible. It's only now in my mid 50's I'm starting to think Hmm... maybe not so much.

And even more depressing it's only going to keep getting worse. Well unless I have much better luck than Ponce de Leon did in finding that fountain of youth. Instead I'm finding out the worst thing about getting older isn't as I thought growing uglier, it's going to be not being able to run faster.

[Apocalipstic]

So, a few weeks ago something happened which triggered my fight or flight, and PTSD symptoms have or are appearing.

Although I know its not my fault, I feel like it is. Like if I had been hyper-vigilant in the first place, I would not be feeling like this now...which, I know, makes zero sense.

I've been to therapy and am going again Wednesday. I burn Palo Santo and Sage and stretch and chill as much as possible. I'm even praying.

Today at work, I actually told a client she was lying to me (she was) and became angry so quickly, I had to walk away. I have worked here 6 years and never actually said that to anyone. I am horrified at myself...though, not in any trouble at work.

I am hyper sensitive and alert and since I am an empath on top of having PTSD, I am have even been feeling people's thoughts even more personally. Yay.....not.

I just am so frustrated. I will think my PTSD is under control, then something happens to trigger me. Do y'all experience this?

Wanted to vent a little, see how everyone is and ask if this seems normal?

Love and light to you!!!

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

So, a few weeks ago something happened which triggered my fight or flight, and PTSD symptoms have or are appearing.

Although I know its not my fault, I feel like it is. Like if I had been hyper-vigilant in the first place, I would not be feeling like this now...which, I know, makes zero sense.

I've been to therapy and am going again Wednesday. I burn Palo Santo and Sage and stretch and chill as much as possible. I'm even praying.

Today at work, I actually told a client she was lying to me (she was) and became angry so quickly, I had to walk away. I have worked here 6 years and never actually said that to anyone. I am horrified at myself...though, not in any trouble at work.

I am hyper sensitive and alert and since I am an empath on top of having PTSD, I am have even been feeling people's thoughts even more personally. Yay.....not.

I just am so frustrated. I will think my PTSD is under control, then something happens to trigger me. Do y'all experience this?

Wanted to vent a little, see how everyone is and ask if this seems normal?

Love and light to you!!!

Hi Doll,

Recently my therapist made a *chronic PTSD* diagnosis on me. It really shocked me because I am apparently uneducated about it. I just always called it old tapes or bad memories surfacing uninvited.

I don’t think we experience the same thing, but I can tell you my anxiety comes out of no where, for no apparent reason. I re-live a feeling that I really don’t want to re-live, but it happens.

Big hugs ((( Apoc ))))

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Hi Doll,

Recently my therapist made a *chronic PTSD* diagnosis on me. It really shocked me because I am apparently uneducated about it. I just always called it old tapes or bad memories surfacing uninvited.

I don’t think we experience the same thing, but I can tell you my anxiety comes out of no where, for no apparent reason. I re-live a feeling that I really don’t want to re-live, but it happens.

Big hugs ((( Apoc ))))

Over and over! I was first diagnosed at 23 and its been with me since (and was before). Things have happened to add to it as well.

I'm sorry that you have PTSD, but glad that you know. Its somehow comforting to know whats wrong.

This most recent episode stemmed from being groped and dismissed by someone in power at my church. It pushed so many buttons for me. I stood up. I told. I wrote and letter to read to him with church leadership and then he did not show up.

Now, he has lost his position, but is still around. I am not really OK. My nerves are just so shot and I am creeped out. I want to punch him in the throat, or run away.

Thank you for the sweet post and the support and for being my friend! xoxo

[candy_coated_bitch]

Apocalipstic, I'm so sorry you went through what you did. It's understandable that it would bring on symptoms. I would be totally off my rocker if that happened to me. That really sucks that you still have to be around him.

I'm proud of you for standing up and telling. That's a big part of healing. Also, it is NOT your fault that it happened or that you are having symptoms crop up. It's only natural.

I hate when there's a lull in symptoms and then BAM! something happens like a slap in the face to bring it all on again. The joys of PTSD--we can learn to cope as best we can but it never really goes away.

My latest is I found out an abusive ex of mine is going to a kink event I am co-hosting Friday night. I have no idea why he would go knowing it's my event other than to be a dick. I had nightmares about him all last night after I found out. I'm trying my best to be prepared and have support people ready and NOT let him ruin my fun but inside I'm still shaking.

Apocalipstic, if you ever need an ear I'm here. Much of what you write resonates with me.

dee, I'm glad you finally have a diagnosis and a name to put to what you were experiencing. That can be really helpful. I know it was for me when I was first diagnosed.

*supportive hugs all around*

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

Apocalipstic, I'm so sorry you went through what you did. It's understandable that it would bring on symptoms. I would be totally off my rocker if that happened to me. That really sucks that you still have to be around him.

I'm proud of you for standing up and telling. That's a big part of healing. Also, it is NOT your fault that it happened or that you are having symptoms crop up. It's only natural.

I hate when there's a lull in symptoms and then BAM! something happens like a slap in the face to bring it all on again. The joys of PTSD--we can learn to cope as best we can but it never really goes away.

My latest is I found out an abusive ex of mine is going to a kink event I am co-hosting Friday night. I have no idea why he would go knowing it's my event other than to be a dick. I had nightmares about him all last night after I found out. I'm trying my best to be prepared and have support people ready and NOT let him ruin my fun but inside I'm still shaking.

Apocalipstic, if you ever need an ear I'm here. Much of what you write resonates with me.

dee, I'm glad you finally have a diagnosis and a name to put to what you were experiencing. That can be really helpful. I know it was for me when I was first diagnosed.

*supportive hugs all around*

Thank you CCB! I am going to try church this Sunday and see how it goes. If I can't make myself go, then I may visit some other churches. I have therapy today to discuss more.

That is so freaking rude and over bearing of your ex to come to your kink night. OMG. I would be so freaked out too. I will be sending light and love to you. Is it tomorrow?

I will keep in mind when I need to talk CCB. I super appreciate that.

xoxoxoxox

J