PTSD and Trauma recovery

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

So, a few weeks ago something happened which triggered my fight or flight, and PTSD symptoms have or are appearing.

Although I know its not my fault, I feel like it is. Like if I had been hyper-vigilant in the first place, I would not be feeling like this now...which, I know, makes zero sense.

I've been to therapy and am going again Wednesday. I burn Palo Santo and Sage and stretch and chill as much as possible. I'm even praying.

Today at work, I actually told a client she was lying to me (she was) and became angry so quickly, I had to walk away. I have worked here 6 years and never actually said that to anyone. I am horrified at myself...though, not in any trouble at work.

I am hyper sensitive and alert and since I am an empath on top of having PTSD, I am have even been feeling people's thoughts even more personally. Yay.....not.

I just am so frustrated. I will think my PTSD is under control, then something happens to trigger me. Do y'all experience this?

Wanted to vent a little, see how everyone is and ask if this seems normal?

Love and light to you!!!

Hi Doll,

Recently my therapist made a *chronic PTSD* diagnosis on me. It really shocked me because I am apparently uneducated about it. I just always called it old tapes or bad memories surfacing uninvited.

I don’t think we experience the same thing, but I can tell you my anxiety comes out of no where, for no apparent reason. I re-live a feeling that I really don’t want to re-live, but it happens.

Big hugs ((( Apoc ))))

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Hi Doll,

Recently my therapist made a *chronic PTSD* diagnosis on me. It really shocked me because I am apparently uneducated about it. I just always called it old tapes or bad memories surfacing uninvited.

I don’t think we experience the same thing, but I can tell you my anxiety comes out of no where, for no apparent reason. I re-live a feeling that I really don’t want to re-live, but it happens.

Big hugs ((( Apoc ))))

Over and over! I was first diagnosed at 23 and its been with me since (and was before). Things have happened to add to it as well.

I'm sorry that you have PTSD, but glad that you know. Its somehow comforting to know whats wrong.

This most recent episode stemmed from being groped and dismissed by someone in power at my church. It pushed so many buttons for me. I stood up. I told. I wrote and letter to read to him with church leadership and then he did not show up.

Now, he has lost his position, but is still around. I am not really OK. My nerves are just so shot and I am creeped out. I want to punch him in the throat, or run away.

Thank you for the sweet post and the support and for being my friend! xoxo

[candy_coated_bitch]

Apocalipstic, I'm so sorry you went through what you did. It's understandable that it would bring on symptoms. I would be totally off my rocker if that happened to me. That really sucks that you still have to be around him.

I'm proud of you for standing up and telling. That's a big part of healing. Also, it is NOT your fault that it happened or that you are having symptoms crop up. It's only natural.

I hate when there's a lull in symptoms and then BAM! something happens like a slap in the face to bring it all on again. The joys of PTSD--we can learn to cope as best we can but it never really goes away.

My latest is I found out an abusive ex of mine is going to a kink event I am co-hosting Friday night. I have no idea why he would go knowing it's my event other than to be a dick. I had nightmares about him all last night after I found out. I'm trying my best to be prepared and have support people ready and NOT let him ruin my fun but inside I'm still shaking.

Apocalipstic, if you ever need an ear I'm here. Much of what you write resonates with me.

dee, I'm glad you finally have a diagnosis and a name to put to what you were experiencing. That can be really helpful. I know it was for me when I was first diagnosed.

*supportive hugs all around*

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

Apocalipstic, I'm so sorry you went through what you did. It's understandable that it would bring on symptoms. I would be totally off my rocker if that happened to me. That really sucks that you still have to be around him.

I'm proud of you for standing up and telling. That's a big part of healing. Also, it is NOT your fault that it happened or that you are having symptoms crop up. It's only natural.

I hate when there's a lull in symptoms and then BAM! something happens like a slap in the face to bring it all on again. The joys of PTSD--we can learn to cope as best we can but it never really goes away.

My latest is I found out an abusive ex of mine is going to a kink event I am co-hosting Friday night. I have no idea why he would go knowing it's my event other than to be a dick. I had nightmares about him all last night after I found out. I'm trying my best to be prepared and have support people ready and NOT let him ruin my fun but inside I'm still shaking.

Apocalipstic, if you ever need an ear I'm here. Much of what you write resonates with me.

dee, I'm glad you finally have a diagnosis and a name to put to what you were experiencing. That can be really helpful. I know it was for me when I was first diagnosed.

*supportive hugs all around*

Thank you CCB! I am going to try church this Sunday and see how it goes. If I can't make myself go, then I may visit some other churches. I have therapy today to discuss more.

That is so freaking rude and over bearing of your ex to come to your kink night. OMG. I would be so freaked out too. I will be sending light and love to you. Is it tomorrow?

I will keep in mind when I need to talk CCB. I super appreciate that.

xoxoxoxox

J

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

Thank you CCB! I am going to try church this Sunday and see how it goes. If I can't make myself go, then I may visit some other churches. I have therapy today to discuss more.

That is so freaking rude and over bearing of your ex to come to your kink night. OMG. I would be so freaked out too. I will be sending light and love to you. Is it tomorrow?

I will keep in mind when I need to talk CCB. I super appreciate that.

xoxoxoxox

J

I'm glad you have therapy to try and sort out the church situation. I hope it goes ok, no matter which avenue you choose.

Thank you for your words regarding my ex. I think it's super rude to come to my event as well. I can't help but wonder if he has ulterior motives. But he's been told by officials of the dungeon we're holding it at, that he is not to interact with me. I wish he'd just stay away. *sigh

Yes, the event is tomorrow night.

You're welcome about the offer to talk if you need it. I figure we need to support each other!

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

I'm glad you have therapy to try and sort out the church situation. I hope it goes ok, no matter which avenue you choose.

Thank you for your words regarding my ex. I think it's super rude to come to my event as well. I can't help but wonder if he has ulterior motives. But he's been told by officials of the dungeon we're holding it at, that he is not to interact with me. I wish he'd just stay away. *sigh

Yes, the event is tomorrow night.

You're welcome about the offer to talk if you need it. I figure we need to support each other!

Thank you! CCB! My therapist thinks I might want to change churches. I'm not really religious and I go to Unity, which is a woo church which focuses on all humanity being ONE and connected, which I believe. Its been so helpful to me since Yvette died. She took me there before she died, so its a connection to her in a way. I think I will try this Sunday and see what happens. If this does not work, there is a Unitarian church close to me, or maybe I just need to go back to Adult Children of Alcoholics? Who knows.

Super creepy to be in dungeon with anyone who has been abusive to you. I would also question motives. Maybe he will behave and not interact, though I think the damage is done just saying he will be there. UGH.

Best to you tonight! Will keep you in my thoughts.

I am exhausted this week from worrying. Are you?

I hope we all have a peaceful Friday! xoxoxoxoxxo

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

Thank you! CCB! My therapist thinks I might want to change churches. I'm not really religious and I go to Unity, which is a woo church which focuses on all humanity being ONE and connected, which I believe. Its been so helpful to me since Yvette died. She took me there before she died, so its a connection to her in a way. I think I will try this Sunday and see what happens. If this does not work, there is a Unitarian church close to me, or maybe I just need to go back to Adult Children of Alcoholics? Who knows.

Super creepy to be in dungeon with anyone who has been abusive to you. I would also question motives. Maybe he will behave and not interact, though I think the damage is done just saying he will be there. UGH.

Best to you tonight! Will keep you in my thoughts.

I am exhausted this week from worrying. Are you?

I hope we all have a peaceful Friday! xoxoxoxoxxo

Good luck with church!!! I was wondering if you might think about changing. I think do whatever you need to do. Obviously. But let me know what you decide and how it goes and all that. I kinda hope you get to stay at your current church because it seems to mean a lot to you, but please don't do it at the expense of your sanity.

Yes, seeing one's abuser in a dungeon is REALLY a scary thought I can tell you from experience. I thought about not going. I'm going to go though to not him win. I don't think I'm going to do my scene as planned though. He's totally destroyed my tough, Domme energy. Which makes me feel like shit. I'm eating myself up.

I am so exhausted from this week I went back to bed and slept till one today lol.

I will keep you in my thoughts this weekend as well.