PTSD and Trauma recovery

[dark_crystal]

i have therapy this morning for the first time in two weeks and i did not do any of my homework (log cognitive distortions, list 5 good things that happened each day)

We will have a lot to talk about though bc i applied for a job three hours out of town. SHE will be thrilled but i feel all kinds of conflicted over it.

It's good bc there will be no homophobia and it's exactly the same pay at exactly the right level for me to step into at a big system. The best possible position i could hope for, really. Most librarians would be over the moon.

I just feel it's not right to relocate with our parents as ill as they are. Except my sister is planning to. And it is only 3 hours away.

i'm like, hoping not to be called

[candy_coated_bitch]

I have therapy today too. I might do EMDR if I'm feeling strong enough. I'm going out with a friend after so that should be good.

d_c, I kinda hope you do get a call lol. But I understand being hesitant to relocate, especially your ill parents. But it sounds like a great opportunity. I hope you are able to sort some of this stuff in therapy.

I'll keep you guys posted about my session, especially if we do EMDR.

[Apocalipstic]

Sending love and light to you as you do EMDR and wait for job news!

I did EMDR yesterday at therapist. Melted my brain. But I was able to remember some things I think will help in my quest to get better. I was so very tired after, but I talked to friends who love me and laughed a lot, which I think really helped.

I love that we have this place to share.

[Sparkle]

Have any of you tried Somatic Therapy?

I had a therapist, ever so briefly, that specialized in Somatic technique. But she relocated back to Brooklyn and my life got too busy to find another.

I think there are similarities with EMDR (which i struggled with.)

Intellectually, somatic resonated with me because it’s about regulating and finding balance and a steady natural fluctuation between our sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. That makes so much sense. The part I find harder to explain/describe is the technique they use to address individual traumatic events that have created unhealthy biofeedback loops (PTSD.) I had one truly amazing session that rewrote a day of trauma so simply and effectively - ans I can’t stop thinking about it.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Sparkle

Have any of you tried Somatic Therapy?

I had a therapist, ever so briefly, that specialized in Somatic technique. But she relocated back to Brooklyn and my life got too busy to find another.

I think there are similarities with EMDR (which i struggled with.)

Intellectually, somatic resonated with me because it’s about regulating and finding balance and a steady natural fluctuation between our sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. That makes so much sense. The part I find harder to explain/describe is the technique they use to address individual traumatic events that have created unhealthy biofeedback loops (PTSD.) I had one truly amazing session that rewrote a day of trauma so simply and effectively - ans I can’t stop thinking about it.

How does it work? Is it talk therapy or are there earphones or something sensory or kinetic associated?

[dark_crystal]

I found this article on Somatic Therapies, which include EMDR and Somatic Experiencing. I did not vet the source so YMMV.

I get the basic principle but i am wondering how it would work with cPTSD? Like, we can't do The Rape or The Battery or The Bullying. Like, I have so many traumas that i cannot even keep track at this point.

How is the therapist going to know which one is causing the disruption? And if they all are, how will we ever get through all of them when i can't even make a complete list anymore AND new ones keep happening?

My big issue is emotional avoidance-- i see myself do it all the time, like when we are helping my dad into and out of his wheelchair from the car, etc.

It is difficult to watch, so i am busily examining the trees next to the car, or the cracks in the pavement, etc. all while my hands are holding onto his belt, etc.

I am guiding him and encouraging him but i am also dividing my focus so that i can turn my attention away from the sadness i see to the wasp nest on the garage or whatever, like "oh god oh god poor dad why why why why-- hey i wonder if those are yellowjackets or dirt daubers i should google-- oh go oh god why why-- hey that crack in the pavement looks like a slice of pizza-- oh no he had an accident he must be so humiliated-- hey look the azaleas are blooming"

Traumas that happen during that process get kind of cocooned and submerged and overlooked but they are piling up still almost weekly. Any therapy that has to do with reexperiencing memories is not going to find all of the memories, is all i am saying.

[candy_coated_bitch]

I ended up not having therapy Wednesday as Masshealth fucked up my ride. I was and am really disappointed, as I really needed that session. But I'll be back on Tuesday.

I had one therapist in the past who was big on Somatic techniques and sometimes I found it helpful and sometimes I found it even more triggering. It often caused me to dissociate, as I carry so much trauma my body does not want to experience or remember and forcing it does not help. And yes, it is also difficult with c-ptsd to untangle the threads where one trauma ends and the next begins. And there's the constant re-traumatization as d_c described. It wasn't for me. I find EMDR much more helpful though I didn't realize EMDR actually falls under Somatic Therapies, but it makes sense.

I fired that old therapist who kept triggering me and forcing me into traumas I wasn't ready for and constantly dissociating. It just didn't work out between us

[cathexis]

Originally Posted by dark_crystal

I found this article on Somatic Therapies, which include EMDR and Somatic Experiencing. I did not vet the source so YMMV.

I get the basic principle but i am wondering how it would work with cPTSD? Like, we can't do The Rape or The Battery or The Bullying. Like, I have so many traumas that i cannot even keep track at this point.

How is the therapist going to know which one is causing the disruption? And if they all are, how will we ever get through all of them when i can't even make a complete list anymore AND new ones keep happening?

My big issue is emotional avoidance-- i see myself do it all the time, like when we are helping my dad into and out of his wheelchair from the car, etc.

It is difficult to watch, so i am busily examining the trees next to the car, or the cracks in the pavement, etc. all while my hands are holding onto his belt, etc.

I am guiding him and encouraging him but i am also dividing my focus so that i can turn my attention away from the sadness i see to the wasp nest on the garage or whatever, like "oh god oh god poor dad why why why why-- hey i wonder if those are yellowjackets or dirt daubers i should google-- oh go oh god why why-- hey that crack in the pavement looks like a slice of pizza-- oh no he had an accident he must be so humiliated-- hey look the azaleas are blooming"

Traumas that happen during that process get kind of cocooned and submerged and overlooked but they are piling up still almost weekly. Any therapy that has to do with reexperiencing memories is not going to find all of the memories, is all i am saying.

Couple of womyn I know have done a repeat scene of The Rape or Battery where they've taken control. It's pretty edgy, but if it works then more power to them. Doing that is something I have mentioned to my Partner.