PTSD and Trauma recovery

[dark_crystal]

I got the results from my autism assessment yesterday and YEP it's autism.

The psychologist said my autism is very close to fully camouflaged, and that is taking a lot of energy from me and causing physical exhaustion and extreme anxiety.

Another issue with autism is extreme naivete and gullibility. I have always fallen prey to exploiters, manipulators, and narcissists and this is extremely common with autism. We have no defense against it.

So, I have been doing all of this work to treat my anxiety and exhaustion and vulnerability BUT they are never going to change. Surviving at work is never going to get any easier for me. The toll it takes on me is never going to decrease.

My assistant was manipulating me and exploiting me for ten years. For ten years i saw her as my safe person at work. Before i started getting promoted, I would cry to her about my ex-supervisors bullying me. Her friendship was fake that entire time. She was using me to climb the ladder.

My "good" assistant told me after the incident that she goes to church with my "evil" assistant's ex-supervisor, and that lady told her that my evil assistant did this to both of her previous supervisors, too. She pretended to be their best friend until they promoted her. Both of them were also on the spectrum.

She is also in the process of divorcing her sweet, nerdy little husband. I guess he, too, has outlived his usefulness to her.

These fake friendships happen to me over and over, and autism makes it almost impossible to see while it is happening. I just do not feel there are any kind of skills i can learn that will ever protect me. It is just guaranteed to happen eventually any time i am out in the world without Mr. Jenny.

SO

I have decided not to go back to work. Not at the library, not at another library, not at Wal-mart, not anywhere. No job is ever going to be safe for me.

I told Mr. Jenny i work for her now.

She has a lot of questions about that because both of us are on my job's health insurance. I told her we have a LOT of things to figure out!

[easygoingfemme]

Originally Posted by dark_crystal

I got the results from my autism assessment yesterday and YEP it's autism.

The psychologist said my autism is very close to fully camouflaged, and that is taking a lot of energy from me and causing physical exhaustion and extreme anxiety.

Another issue with autism is extreme naivete and gullibility. I have always fallen prey to exploiters, manipulators, and narcissists and this is extremely common with autism. We have no defense against it.

So, I have been doing all of this work to treat my anxiety and exhaustion and vulnerability BUT they are never going to change. Surviving at work is never going to get any easier for me. The toll it takes on me is never going to decrease.

My assistant was manipulating me and exploiting me for ten years. For ten years i saw her as my safe person at work. Before i started getting promoted, I would cry to her about my ex-supervisors bullying me. Her friendship was fake that entire time. She was using me to climb the ladder.

My "good" assistant told me after the incident that she goes to church with my "evil" assistant's ex-supervisor, and that lady told her that my evil assistant did this to both of her previous supervisors, too. She pretended to be their best friend until they promoted her. Both of them were also on the spectrum.

She is also in the process of divorcing her sweet, nerdy little husband. I guess he, too, has outlived his usefulness to her.

These fake friendships happen to me over and over, and autism makes it almost impossible to see while it is happening. I just do not feel there are any kind of skills i can learn that will ever protect me. It is just guaranteed to happen eventually any time i am out in the world without Mr. Jenny.

SO

I have decided not to go back to work. Not at the library, not at another library, not at Wal-mart, not anywhere. No job is ever going to be safe for me.

I told Mr. Jenny i work for her now.

She has a lot of questions about that because both of us are on my job's health insurance. I told her we have a LOT of things to figure out!

Wow, that is a lot of information to receive and process- while being validating of your experiences and helping you to make choices moving forward that are safe and good for you. I'm sure it will take some figuring out but the goal is worth it.

[GeorgiaMa'am]

Originally Posted by dark_crystal

I got the results from my autism assessment yesterday and YEP it's autism.

The psychologist said my autism is very close to fully camouflaged, and that is taking a lot of energy from me and causing physical exhaustion and extreme anxiety.

Another issue with autism is extreme naivete and gullibility. I have always fallen prey to exploiters, manipulators, and narcissists and this is extremely common with autism. We have no defense against it.

So, I have been doing all of this work to treat my anxiety and exhaustion and vulnerability BUT they are never going to change. Surviving at work is never going to get any easier for me. The toll it takes on me is never going to decrease.

My assistant was manipulating me and exploiting me for ten years. For ten years i saw her as my safe person at work. Before i started getting promoted, I would cry to her about my ex-supervisors bullying me. Her friendship was fake that entire time. She was using me to climb the ladder.

My "good" assistant told me after the incident that she goes to church with my "evil" assistant's ex-supervisor, and that lady told her that my evil assistant did this to both of her previous supervisors, too. She pretended to be their best friend until they promoted her. Both of them were also on the spectrum.

She is also in the process of divorcing her sweet, nerdy little husband. I guess he, too, has outlived his usefulness to her.

These fake friendships happen to me over and over, and autism makes it almost impossible to see while it is happening. I just do not feel there are any kind of skills i can learn that will ever protect me. It is just guaranteed to happen eventually any time i am out in the world without Mr. Jenny.

SO

I have decided not to go back to work. Not at the library, not at another library, not at Wal-mart, not anywhere. No job is ever going to be safe for me.

I told Mr. Jenny i work for her now.

She has a lot of questions about that because both of us are on my job's health insurance. I told her we have a LOT of things to figure out!

Good for you for figuring out the problem, for getting help, and addressing the problem. You are taking care of yourself - that's what is important. You are very proactive; I have confidence that you and Mr. Jenny _will_ figure things out.