PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

My next round of sessions wont start until next month, but yah. The past six months felt like my therapy was more centered around the chaos in our country, by Capt Chaos himself, and others just like him who are hell bent on subjecting others to their own brand chaos.

Not sure how the next six months will go.


Good to see your post today, Apoc. Stay safe and be as well as you can be, sister friend.

Take good care,
~K.

Good luck on your next 6 months. Are you still on Zoom or phone?

Ive started having really bad anxiety and panic attacks again. My therapist said no more watching the news, which stresses me out becasue then I wonder what is happening and going to happen. Like I want to know what is going on! You know?

Maybe if nothing else, so I can have everything charged up and my car full if I need to run.

My kittie died and she thinks I need to get another one soon, but what if things go bad around the election and I have to get outta the South. I can't leave a kittie behind.

I hope your therapy goes well! Have you started it yet?

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

Good luck on your next 6 months. Are you still on Zoom or phone?

Ive started having really bad anxiety and panic attacks again. My therapist said no more watching the news, which stresses me out becasue then I wonder what is happening and going to happen. Like I want to know what is going on! You know?

Maybe if nothing else, so I can have everything charged up and my car full if I need to run.

My kittie died and she thinks I need to get another one soon, but what if things go bad around the election and I have to get outta the South. I can't leave a kittie behind.

I hope your therapy goes well! Have you started it yet?

My sessions begin next month. Which we conduct them via a secured network by phone.

Sorry to hear about your pet cat. Mine passed away this last spring, hard still on me -missing my cat.

Take good care now and be good to you, Apocalipstic.

[dark_crystal]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

what if things go bad around the election and I have to get outta the South. I can't leave a kittie behind.

How fast can you get to Neuvo Laredo by car?
You and Kitty can have space in our refugee compound.
This entire thread is invited! And even if it is not realistic for you, I will paint ya'll the picture so you can use it as a soothing bedtime story
(I have alluded to this on multiple other threads so I apologize if it's a rerun for anyone)

• Mr. Jenny has dual citizenship and owns 4 properties in Neuvo Laredo.
• She is already considered a resident.
• I just got a travel trailer for my birthday.
• We can probably put two travel trailers on each property, for a total of eight. Four people can live in each trailer, so that is 30 more people.
• Nuevo Laredo is very convenient! The neighborhoods have multiple bodegas on each block!
• On the block where we have our established mailing address, you only have to walk next door to get milk, eggs, bread, toilet paper, cervezas, etc.
• Our dollars buy A LOT.

Here is the problem: one of the properties is rural and does not have water service. The water is delivered each day on a truck.

When I am fretting about the political worst-case (Handmaid's Tale becoming real and/or white supremacists massacring everyone), I go over this plan in my brain, and instead of worrying about fascism, I worry about that water truck: "Could I live like that? The nice thing to do would be to tolerate that ourselves and let our friends have the compounds in town, but what about my hair?" etc.

Now all of ya'll can put yourselves in that picture, and distract yourselves from Doomsday by planning your route to Nuevo Laredo and hoping you don't get stuck on the water truck compound.

Although what if we could put eight trailers on the water truck property? It's rural and unrestricted. Hmmm

[dark_crystal]

I got the results from my autism assessment yesterday and YEP it's autism.

The psychologist said my autism is very close to fully camouflaged, and that is taking a lot of energy from me and causing physical exhaustion and extreme anxiety.

Another issue with autism is extreme naivete and gullibility. I have always fallen prey to exploiters, manipulators, and narcissists and this is extremely common with autism. We have no defense against it.

So, I have been doing all of this work to treat my anxiety and exhaustion and vulnerability BUT they are never going to change. Surviving at work is never going to get any easier for me. The toll it takes on me is never going to decrease.

My assistant was manipulating me and exploiting me for ten years. For ten years i saw her as my safe person at work. Before i started getting promoted, I would cry to her about my ex-supervisors bullying me. Her friendship was fake that entire time. She was using me to climb the ladder.

My "good" assistant told me after the incident that she goes to church with my "evil" assistant's ex-supervisor, and that lady told her that my evil assistant did this to both of her previous supervisors, too. She pretended to be their best friend until they promoted her. Both of them were also on the spectrum.

She is also in the process of divorcing her sweet, nerdy little husband. I guess he, too, has outlived his usefulness to her.

These fake friendships happen to me over and over, and autism makes it almost impossible to see while it is happening. I just do not feel there are any kind of skills i can learn that will ever protect me. It is just guaranteed to happen eventually any time i am out in the world without Mr. Jenny.

SO

I have decided not to go back to work. Not at the library, not at another library, not at Wal-mart, not anywhere. No job is ever going to be safe for me.

I told Mr. Jenny i work for her now.

She has a lot of questions about that because both of us are on my job's health insurance. I told her we have a LOT of things to figure out!

[easygoingfemme]

Originally Posted by dark_crystal

I got the results from my autism assessment yesterday and YEP it's autism.

The psychologist said my autism is very close to fully camouflaged, and that is taking a lot of energy from me and causing physical exhaustion and extreme anxiety.

Another issue with autism is extreme naivete and gullibility. I have always fallen prey to exploiters, manipulators, and narcissists and this is extremely common with autism. We have no defense against it.

So, I have been doing all of this work to treat my anxiety and exhaustion and vulnerability BUT they are never going to change. Surviving at work is never going to get any easier for me. The toll it takes on me is never going to decrease.

My assistant was manipulating me and exploiting me for ten years. For ten years i saw her as my safe person at work. Before i started getting promoted, I would cry to her about my ex-supervisors bullying me. Her friendship was fake that entire time. She was using me to climb the ladder.

My "good" assistant told me after the incident that she goes to church with my "evil" assistant's ex-supervisor, and that lady told her that my evil assistant did this to both of her previous supervisors, too. She pretended to be their best friend until they promoted her. Both of them were also on the spectrum.

She is also in the process of divorcing her sweet, nerdy little husband. I guess he, too, has outlived his usefulness to her.

These fake friendships happen to me over and over, and autism makes it almost impossible to see while it is happening. I just do not feel there are any kind of skills i can learn that will ever protect me. It is just guaranteed to happen eventually any time i am out in the world without Mr. Jenny.

SO

I have decided not to go back to work. Not at the library, not at another library, not at Wal-mart, not anywhere. No job is ever going to be safe for me.

I told Mr. Jenny i work for her now.

She has a lot of questions about that because both of us are on my job's health insurance. I told her we have a LOT of things to figure out!

Wow, that is a lot of information to receive and process- while being validating of your experiences and helping you to make choices moving forward that are safe and good for you. I'm sure it will take some figuring out but the goal is worth it.

[GeorgiaMa'am]

Originally Posted by dark_crystal

I got the results from my autism assessment yesterday and YEP it's autism.

The psychologist said my autism is very close to fully camouflaged, and that is taking a lot of energy from me and causing physical exhaustion and extreme anxiety.

Another issue with autism is extreme naivete and gullibility. I have always fallen prey to exploiters, manipulators, and narcissists and this is extremely common with autism. We have no defense against it.

So, I have been doing all of this work to treat my anxiety and exhaustion and vulnerability BUT they are never going to change. Surviving at work is never going to get any easier for me. The toll it takes on me is never going to decrease.

My assistant was manipulating me and exploiting me for ten years. For ten years i saw her as my safe person at work. Before i started getting promoted, I would cry to her about my ex-supervisors bullying me. Her friendship was fake that entire time. She was using me to climb the ladder.

My "good" assistant told me after the incident that she goes to church with my "evil" assistant's ex-supervisor, and that lady told her that my evil assistant did this to both of her previous supervisors, too. She pretended to be their best friend until they promoted her. Both of them were also on the spectrum.

She is also in the process of divorcing her sweet, nerdy little husband. I guess he, too, has outlived his usefulness to her.

These fake friendships happen to me over and over, and autism makes it almost impossible to see while it is happening. I just do not feel there are any kind of skills i can learn that will ever protect me. It is just guaranteed to happen eventually any time i am out in the world without Mr. Jenny.

SO

I have decided not to go back to work. Not at the library, not at another library, not at Wal-mart, not anywhere. No job is ever going to be safe for me.

I told Mr. Jenny i work for her now.

She has a lot of questions about that because both of us are on my job's health insurance. I told her we have a LOT of things to figure out!

Good for you for figuring out the problem, for getting help, and addressing the problem. You are taking care of yourself - that's what is important. You are very proactive; I have confidence that you and Mr. Jenny _will_ figure things out.