Respect of Femme Sensabilities

[waxnrope]

Originally Posted by Oneida

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To be fair...and in order to keep clarity from the get-go here...Snow is the one who used/introduced the term "balls' first in her thread. As in, let's take this conversation by the balls or something like that.

The other person came in to the thread, contributed, then agreed with her by using the term again in the same fashion she did. He was then called-out on it (by Snow) and ugliness ensued.
I agree with the synopsis of this interaction.

My inclination at this point is to stick to the fluff threads where I witness more authentic acts of kindness among members. My personal opinion is that the lack of progress or solidarity in some of these other, more controversial threads is not because the issues are too great to solve or achieve consensus on...but that the personalities are getting in the way.
and I witness this as well, these personality, meanness, and other unnecessary ways of being in "community."
Good luck...

Originally Posted by rlin

... this is an attempt by me to find out if i am correct in assuming this falls under the heading that my mamma taught me... to respect women...
and to see if maybe us butch types would stop doing this would we receive a little more respect ourselves...

see your next comment, buddy. in some respects, I agree; in others, it is a two way street, ya know?

Originally Posted by rlin

i didnt remember this... this makes me want to ask about double standards...
even then tho... i think that it is okay for a femme to say these things... i still think that we should refrain when possible... on principle...

the examples given above, by Oneida and yourself indicate a double standard ... however, is it possible that Snowy's comment was a general "balls" and the other comment more directed, and personal? I'm going by memory, so don't jump my balls if this is not so, please. I am really trying to understand and not further discontent, but to foster mutuality and compassion for one another ...

Originally Posted by Oneida

Agreed...from a personal perspective.

Our methods of communication...the words we choose to use...really demonstrate online so much because online, that's all we have to present who we are.

well, that says it all, doesn't it.

I am new to online communities. I find that having butch brothers here is intoxicating ... literally. And, in being one of the guys again (it's been a long time for me ... long story and a topic jumper), I slipped into persona, actually forgetting that I am in "mixed" company. I am a joker, as you know rlin, and like to laugh and have fun ... most people do crack up with my comments in rl ... I said something that I thought was in keeping with the THREAD and believed innocuous shortly after first joining this site .. there was no malfeasance intended. what I learned from the backlash is that if one does not KNOW or have an already established relationship with the poster, one must tread lightly ... I know that this may be a "duh" for some of you, but it was a reflective moment for me. I think offense occurs when there is not "relationship" established, and therefore takes on the cloak of double-standard. Don't know if this makes sense or no...

Related, but off topic: It is also difficult to post when you are deemed new, and therefore an "outsider" who needs to be (slowly) accepted before getting a response to your posting. These are reflective lessons for me ... I appreciate and do not resent them. However, I do have difficulty with some of the clique behavior, and a few of the threads which FEEL as though anyone outside of a specific group who posts there is unwanted. One can go back and read pages and see that the same people are primarily the only people who post. So, there is another process which contributes to the feeling or sense of being an "outsider." Audre Lorde, my sister, what would you say to this? Oh boy! too much java. Sorry to go on!

[Dylan]

Wait...

Snow's a lady?

Insert smiley face here

Rlin, would you have started this thread if a butch had been talking to another butch?

I kinda feel like this is one of those 'reascue the delicate femmes 'cuz they're delicate creatures', and honestly, I've kinda had it lately with the placating to femmes

I just think femmes are quite capable of 'rescuing' themselves

Color Me Jaded,
Dylan...my armor is at the shiners this week

[waxnrope]

Originally Posted by Dylan

Wait...

I just think femmes are quite capable of 'rescuing' themselves

Color Me Jaded,
Dylan...my armor is at the shiners this week

funny, this is what the femmes are saying about the butches on the other thread! oh! the irony!!!!! hahahahahaha

[weatherboi]

hi waxnrope,

on the outside i see where you think it may be proper to agree but realize you and Sam walked up into a space where this was stated in post #4 by Snow.

I felt it could be a place for anyone other than butch or transmen to have this convo here instead of AtLastHome's thread...


also here is my issue with your post if we all want to be transparent. your inappropriate play on words. here is what i mean...

I don't think that anyone should, um, handle your arse, Lady Snow. just saying

Snow never implied anything about someone handlingher arse....what she said was she didnt want to get her ass handed to her. total differnece in your play on words and what she meant. it is the exact same thing Sam did as well.

I am wondering if it was a butch or trans person saying this would you approach it in that manner?? cause i find your play on words offensive and gross.

Grant

Originally Posted by waxnrope

see your next comment, buddy. in some respects, I agree; in others, it is a two way street, ya know?

the examples given above, by Oneida and yourself indicate a double standard ... however, is it possible that Snowy's comment was a general "balls" and the other comment more directed, and personal? I'm going by memory, so don't jump my balls if this is not so, please. I am really trying to understand and not further discontent, but to foster mutuality and compassion for one another ...

well, that says it all, doesn't it.

I am new to online communities. I find that having butch brothers here is intoxicating ... literally. And, in being one of the guys again (it's been a long time for me ... long story and a topic jumper), I slipped into persona, actually forgetting that I am in "mixed" company. I am a joker, as you know rlin, and like to laugh and have fun ... most people do crack up with my comments in rl ... I said something that I thought was in keeping with the THREAD and believed innocuous shortly after first joining this site .. there was no malfeasance intended. what I learned from the backlash is that if one does not KNOW or have an already established relationship with the poster, one must tread lightly ... I know that this may be a "duh" for some of you, but it was a reflective moment for me. I think offense occurs when there is not "relationship" established, and therefore takes on the cloak of double-standard. Don't know if this makes sense or no...

Related, but off topic: It is also difficult to post when you are deemed new, and therefore an "outsider" who needs to be (slowly) accepted before getting a response to your posting. These are reflective lessons for me ... I appreciate and do not resent them. However, I do have difficulty with some of the clique behavior, and a few of the threads which FEEL as though anyone outside of a specific group who posts there is unwanted. One can go back and read pages and see that the same people are primarily the only people who post. So, there is another process which contributes to the feeling or sense of being an "outsider." Audre Lorde, my sister, what would you say to this? Oh boy! too much java. Sorry to go on!

[UofMfan]

Threads like these piss me off. They reek of posturing to me.

I was brought up with excellent manners, thank you mom and dad, so I don't understand any of this. I am polite because I was brought up with certain standards that apply to everyone! I like being polite, I don't have to work hard at it, it comes naturally.

The OP, in MY opinion, comes across as saying that femmes are so delicate that they have to be treated a certain way. Treat a femme with decency, like you would treat any other individual worthy of that decency. I seldom agree with Dylan so I am scared shitless that I agree on this, to some degree.

I find that if there is a level of intimacy, certain things are ok with everyone, regardless of gender, id, etc. To me it all boils down to this. How well do I know you?

It really pisses me off to think that just because I id as butch, or male, or fill in the blank _________ I get a free pass to be gross. Not in my book.

The opinions expresses above are mine as a MEMBER of this community.

[waxnrope]

Originally Posted by weatherboi

hi waxnrope,

on the outside i see where you think it may be proper to agree but realize you and Sam walked up into a space where this was stated in post #4 by Snow.

I felt it could be a place for anyone other than butch or transmen to have this convo here instead of AtLastHome's thread...


also here is my issue with your post if we all want to be transparent. your inappropriate play on words. here is what i mean...

I don't think that anyone should, um, handle your arse, Lady Snow. just saying

Snow never implied anything about someone handlingher arse....what she said was she didnt want to get her ass handed to her. total differnece in your play on words and what she meant. it is the exact same thing Sam did as well.

I am wondering if it was a butch or trans person saying this would you approach it in that manner?? cause i find your play on words offensive and gross.

Grant

With re to the handling arse statement, I can see that, in pointing this out, that it is as you say, gross. My apologies to Lady Snow ... my humor was out of line. I have no difficulties with apologies. Just so you know. Nor do I have a problem with your corrective comment. The other issues, I'll need to think about (I'm in a hurry to leave, but wish to make my apology about that statement clear)