I'd Like to Claim I was Drunk: Pick Up Lines Destined to Fail

Scorp · 07-02-2010, 12:33 PM

Lord, what a loser...Those are the fools that probably have a dick the size of a gherkin....

And, what did you say back to him after he said that???

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

A vivid memory popped back into my mind that had been hidden for a couple years....

My ex and I were at a hole in the wall pool hall. We were up at the bar ordering a beer, when the cuestick that was leaning up against the bar beside me fell over.

I reached over to pick it up and hand it to the guy in the bbq stained tshirt standing next to me, and he said, "Oh darlin, if it was MY stick that hit you, you would have thanked me".

Strappie · 07-02-2010, 12:37 PM

An all time classic for me... lol

When you hug someone.. If they say.. "You smell good, What are you wearing?" You reply back and say.. "You later" lol

PinkieLee · 07-02-2010, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scorp

Lord, what a loser...Those are the fools that probably have a dick the size of a gherkin....

And, what did you say back to him after he said that???

I hate to admit it, but he stumped me on that one...I walked away. I know, where was my sacastic wit then?!

Strappie · 07-02-2010, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

I hate to admit it, but he stumped me on that one...I walked away. I know, where was my sacastic wit then?!

Jesus... say it's not so!!

Isadora · 08-24-2010, 04:35 PM

I just want to bury my face in your cleavage and run my hands through your curls.

Then hys wife showed up. hahahahahaha TAG!

tiggs · 08-24-2010, 10:52 PM

One of my most memorable, the butch comes sauntering over to the table where I was sitting with a group. No introduction at all, hy simply says to me,

butch: " your a** must be made of onions"

me with a very confused look "why is that?"

butch: "because it's so fine it makes my eyes water"

Had to give hym credit for bravery lol

chefhottie25 · 08-24-2010, 11:02 PM

"so do you wanna f**k?"
i apologize i was a jerk in my 20's
but that line actually hooked me a hottie who i ended having a 4 year relationship with. then she left me for my best friend kevin. i miss him more than i miss her.

proximitywithoutintimacy · 02-05-2011, 06:55 PM

I was catering an event last night (the hunting expo thingy), and apparently one of the guys there hit on one of my co-workers... he said to her,

"You're a very beautiful girl... you look like my EX-wife. I'm at table 23

"

CherylNYC · 01-25-2012, 04:42 PM

The weird straight dude said, "I would looove to study the Upanishads with you."

genghisfawn · 01-25-2012, 06:04 PM

I was at a pub with friends and this kid (I swear it was a kid... like, 19, which is the minimum drinking age here...) was trying to chat us up. Naturally we were polite but turned our backs when we were done being civil, but he just kept harping on at me (I was closest.)

Me: *turning around and saying politely* Can I help you with something?
Him: I just wanna know... are we friends?
Me: Maybe someday, but I'd like to visit with my friends now, please, okay?
Him: Maybe not. I hate being in the friend zone, so maybe we should go back to my place and get this over with.

Fortunately everyone heard him because he was drunk and yelling, so we ended up laughing and booing him out (along with a bunch of men our age who started hollering "Peeweeeee!" at him. I love straight bars.

Scorp · 07-02-2010, 12:43 PM

Nooo not You? Loss for words?? omg (clenches heart) Wowwwwwwwwwwwwww...

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

I hate to admit it, but he stumped me on that one...I walked away. I know, where was my sacastic wit then?!

JustJo · 07-02-2010, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scorp

... a dick the size of a gherkin....

Oh where was this line when I was bartending???

I used to just tell them that measuring from the asshole forward was cheating...

Scorp · 07-02-2010, 02:37 PM

ROFLMMFAO!!! Love your response Jo

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJo

Oh where was this line when I was bartending???

I used to just tell them that measuring from the asshole forward was cheating...

Chancie · 07-02-2010, 03:24 PM

A line I used once, Would you care to lead me around the dance floor?

hehehe

MissItalianDiva · 07-02-2010, 03:33 PM

My personal all time favorites

"Stand still so I can pick you up."

Can I take your picture?
Why?
Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas

Well here I am! What were your other two wishes?

I was wondering something about you
Oh yeah what might that be
Do your lips taste as good as they look?

Apocalipstic · 07-02-2010, 04:08 PM

Wanna do it?

SuperFemme · 07-02-2010, 04:19 PM

if i have enough to drink i may stand on the dance floor and yell "wanna fuck" during a lull in the music. i heard i'm slutty like that.

08-24-2010, 04:35 PM	#5
Isadora Member How Do You Identify?: Momma, Ma'am Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: I am in love. Truly Madly Deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: California Posts: 997 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 502 Thanked 2,127 Times in 559 Posts Rep Power: 2369288	I just want to bury my face in your cleavage and run my hands through your curls. Then hys wife showed up. hahahahahaha TAG! __________________ "I have a respect for manners as such, they are a way of dealing with people you don't agree with or like." Margaret Mead Read me! www.leatherati.com

08-24-2010, 10:52 PM	#6
tiggs Member How Do You Identify?: femme submissive Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: married and collared to Converse Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: canada Posts: 359 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,456 Thanked 726 Times in 248 Posts Rep Power: 2288328	One of my most memorable, the butch comes sauntering over to the table where I was sitting with a group. No introduction at all, hy simply says to me, butch: " your a must be made of onions" me with a very confused look "why is that?" butch: "because it's so fine it makes my eyes water" Had to give hym credit for bravery lol __________________ “The world is not a dangerous place because of those who do evil, but because of those that look on and do nothing" - Albert Einstein**

01-25-2012, 04:42 PM	#9
CherylNYC Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: I'm a woman. Behave accordingly. Relationship Status: Single, not looking. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: NYC Posts: 1,467 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,474 Thanked 7,111 Times in 1,205 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	The weird straight dude said, "I would looove to study the Upanishads with you." __________________ Cheryl

07-02-2010, 04:08 PM	#16
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Wanna do it? __________________

07-02-2010, 12:37 PM	#2
Strappie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: I know who I am... Doesn't matter Relationship Status: It's a new day.... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mpls, MN Posts: 3,283 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,813 Thanked 4,945 Times in 1,350 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	An all time classic for me... lol When you hug someone.. If they say.. "You smell good, What are you wearing?" You reply back and say.. "You later" lol

08-24-2010, 11:02 PM	#7
chefhottie25 Member How Do You Identify?: boi Preferred Pronoun?: hy Relationship Status: happily taken Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: ohio Posts: 1,406 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26 Thanked 889 Times in 478 Posts Rep Power: 1175217	"so do you wanna f**k?" i apologize i was a jerk in my 20's but that line actually hooked me a hottie who i ended having a 4 year relationship with. then she left me for my best friend kevin. i miss him more than i miss her.

02-05-2011, 06:55 PM	#8
proximitywithoutintimacy Member How Do You Identify?: Rocker Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: That One Girl ;) Relationship Status: Putting My Heart Back Together Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: USA Posts: 175 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 141 Thanked 290 Times in 106 Posts Rep Power: 670282	I was catering an event last night (the hunting expo thingy), and apparently one of the guys there hit on one of my co-workers... he said to her, "You're a very beautiful girl... you look like my EX-wife. I'm at table 23 "

01-25-2012, 06:04 PM	#10
genghisfawn Member How Do You Identify?: Femme/Gentlewoman Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: Happily married 05/17/14 Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Saskatchewan, Canada Posts: 561 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,056 Thanked 2,158 Times in 403 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	I was at a pub with friends and this kid (I swear it was a kid... like, 19, which is the minimum drinking age here...) was trying to chat us up. Naturally we were polite but turned our backs when we were done being civil, but he just kept harping on at me (I was closest.) Me: turning around and saying politely Can I help you with something? Him: I just wanna know... are we friends? Me: Maybe someday, but I'd like to visit with my friends now, please, okay? Him: Maybe not. I hate being in the friend zone, so maybe we should go back to my place and get this over with. Fortunately everyone heard him because he was drunk and yelling, so we ended up laughing and booing him out (along with a bunch of men our age who started hollering "Peeweeeee!" at him. I love straight bars.

07-02-2010, 03:24 PM	#14
Chancie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme-inist Relationship Status: I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Western Mass Posts: 3,774 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,518 Thanked 14,540 Times in 2,744 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	A line I used once, Would you care to lead me around the dance floor? hehehe

07-02-2010, 03:33 PM	#15
MissItalianDiva Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Miss Twiggy Preferred Pronoun?: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and that shit doesn't sound atrocious! Relationship Status: divorce happens..all that glitters ain't gold Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: SLC Utah Posts: 2,284 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,768 Thanked 7,159 Times in 1,793 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	My personal all time favorites "Stand still so I can pick you up." Can I take your picture? Why? Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas Well here I am! What were your other two wishes? I was wondering something about you Oh yeah what might that be Do your lips taste as good as they look?

07-02-2010, 04:19 PM	#17
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	if i have enough to drink i may stand on the dance floor and yell "wanna fuck" during a lull in the music. i heard i'm slutty like that.