The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by DamonK

First part, in reference to grieving:

It may sound odd, and I'll explain why in a moment, but I am 28 and at times I still grieve for what I don't have.

Hmm, funny that. I've been this way since birth. It's...awkward...to grieve for something that is the ONLY thing you've ever known. I don't know what it's like to see with two eyes, or to suddenly jump in a swimming pool on a whim. I don't know a world without checking my pockets before work, "Do I have hearing aid batteries?" In fact, last week, without thinking about it, I took 2 packs to work! I don't know a world where, in some instances, I politely nod, and read lips to finish a conversation, or a sentence, then say, "Could you please excuse me a moment?" then turn, and quickly change batteries, because my hearing aid is beeping at me and driving me batty, saying "Change me change me."

It's possessed. I swear it is.

Point is, I don't know another world, but these thoughts are what I have everyday, and situations I find myself in fairly often. Simple facts of my life.

Which leads me to point two:

I do NOT consider myself a victim.

I consider myself lucky.

You see, back then, with my situations... I shouldn't be alive today. My mom, around my birthday, calls me, crying, every year, still amazed and thankful that I pulled through -- 28 years later. And every year, there's one story she tells me. It's a story of grief, and resignation. But it's a reminder that miracles do exist. And I'll even share it.

My doctor's name was Dr. McGee. He was my doctor until I was about 7 I think. I don't know. I still remember sometimes he'd look at me with wonder on his face. Back then I didn't understand why. Now I do. Not long after my birth, Doc went to my mom's hospital room, crying. Doc was in street clothes, off duty... He told Mom how sorry he was and how he didn't think I'd make it through the night. I'd taken a bad downhill turn.

That is the only part of the story I remember. It connects the dots for me what I had to fight through to make it.

For me, at least, one thought crosses my head? How can I consider myself a victim when I know how lucky I am to be alive?

Then the annoyance over batteries seems quite insignificant when I remember....

I love this post! I have to tell you that I evolved from being angry that a drunk driver "stole my life" and feeling sorry for myself to "This accident was a gift".

I am still here! Against all odds. I am no longer working 60 - 80 hour work weeks. I am enjoying my children 24 hours a day and they are not in daycare/school for 10 - 12 hours a day. So much to thankful for, that it makes me mad to be called a victim.

I may have wallowed in self pity for a while, but no. I am not a victim.

At the end of the day, there are a lot of gifts. Kind of like your batteries needing changing. You are here to change them! How amazing is that given that you were given such a grim prognosis.

Oh, and about grieving something you've never had. Absolutely. That makes perfect sense to me.

Have you ever had anyone call you a victim? If so, how do you (or how would) you deal with that?

[DamonK]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I love this post! I have to tell you that I evolved from being angry that a drunk driver "stole my life" and feeling sorry for myself to "This accident was a gift".

I am still here! Against all odds. I am no longer working 60 - 80 hour work weeks. I am enjoying my children 24 hours a day and they are not in daycare/school for 10 - 12 hours a day. So much to thankful for, that it makes me mad to be called a victim.

I may have wallowed in self pity for a while, but no. I am not a victim.

At the end of the day, there are a lot of gifts. Kind of like your batteries needing changing. You are here to change them! How amazing is that given that you were given such a grim prognosis.

Oh, and about grieving something you've never had. Absolutely. That makes perfect sense to me.

Have you ever had anyone call you a victim? If so, how do you (or how would) you deal with that?

*grins teasingly* I'm even here to pay the arm and a leg for them.

This is a normal conversation with my mom, who lives in TX and is a night owl.

Mom: Go to walmart with me.
Me: Alright, lets go.

We talk awhile.

Me: Hey mom, go see if there are batteries on sale.
Mom: What kind do you use now?
Me: I dunno. Orange tab.
Mom: I thought it was brown.
Me: That was from the aid that your dog ate.
Mom: "laughing* Okay, I got you a couple packs.

A 8 pack of batts can cost me 8 bucks. No, it's not much, but consider I have to change a batt every week or so. It adds up!

The worst for me is if the damned thing breaks. I have to have it repaired every few months. Luckily, my repairs are cheap, about 5 bucks. Usually a plastic tubing breaks.

Now to answer your question...

I sometimes get called a victim.
I often get funny looks because of my speech.
I have that unmistakeable "deaf" voice.

When I get called a victim, I just say "no I'm not".

Then I hear "Oh poor you!"

About that time I'm telling the "offender" to shut up.

I'm not "poor." I'm a guy trying to make it in a hearing world. And yanno, sometimes, yeah, it does piss me off.

When I work with residents (keep in mind I'm a CNA) of different nationalities that speak a different language primarily, I try to learn a few phrases in their preferred language.

The same thing with friends. I try to show that consideration.

But, it pisses me off sometimes when some people won't consider learning a few things in MY preferred language.

I use speech out of necessity. I've no problem with speaking. But, please understand, I grew up signing in school and having interpreters. There are times I'd like to have the comfort of MY preferred language.

My parents never learned sign language. My mom knows the sign for crackers (sighs... always had to have saltine crackers in my house, even now), the sign for "I love you", beautiful, and some of the alphabet.

My dad knows "I love you."

If you will indulge me, SF, I will use you for an example.

You want to talk on the phone. I say "no." You get offended. I say "I can't read your lips on the phone." You say "I'll talk louder."

*sighs*

That's not the answer. Talking louder doesn't help me. If my back is turned and I can't read lips, and I'm busy and can't turn around, alright, I'll be a little more understanding if you do that.

Slow down a little. Let me read your lips. And no, I'm not fantasizing about making out with you just because I'm staring at your mouth.

These are all situations I deal with very regularly and how I get treated like a "victim".

I don't like it.

Sorry for the rant.

[SuperFemme]

DamonK,

Thank you for your examples of how you get treated as a victim. I can empathize with you, for sure. Not for exactly the same things of course, but for the same types of things.

Two of my four kids decided to pursue ASL throughout high school, yet couldn't get a "language" credit for the classes. It was considered an elective.

Which made me go round and round with the schools.

I learn from the kids, because well, I want to know. I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to want people to learn a few things in sign. If we can learn "su casa es mi casa" "parlez vous francais" (don't judge my spelling) then we can learn some sign.

Do you use a tty service for phone?

Do people REALLY think you want to make out with them because you are reading lips? Seriously? I don't think I'd react well to that.

Is there a reason your parents didn't learn much ASL?

[DamonK]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

DamonK,

Thank you for your examples of how you get treated as a victim. I can empathize with you, for sure. Not for exactly the same things of course, but for the same types of things.

Two of my four kids decided to pursue ASL throughout high school, yet couldn't get a "language" credit for the classes. It was considered an elective.

Which made me go round and round with the schools.

I learn from the kids, because well, I want to know. I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to want people to learn a few things in sign. If we can learn "su casa es mi casa" "parlez vous francais" (don't judge my spelling) then we can learn some sign.

Do you use a tty service for phone?

Do people REALLY think you want to make out with them because you are reading lips? Seriously? I don't think I'd react well to that.

Is there a reason your parents didn't learn much ASL?

No tty.

My new hearing aid (3 yrs old by now) is digital rather than analog. I have mastered the art of holding phone just right to my microphone.

I don't think I'd know how to use a tty.

Yeah, quite often people think I wanna make out with them. For me, being deaf, it takes me a second longer to process whatever's being said. So I may be staring at lips a bit longer.... Not intentional. Just processing.

I never knew why my parents didn't learn ASL.

The only things I have that make it obvious is my hearing aid...batteries...dogs that bark if someone knocks or doorbell rings and closed captioning on my tv.

I do good with my cell phone.

I can't hear on house phone.

My parents are insistent I'm normal. They raised me to believe I could do anything I wanted. I'm not saying they did wrong. Not by any means. However, it was a slap in the face to discover I COULDN'T do anything I wanted. I had limitations. I had to adapt to them.

Example: I wanted to be a criminal profiler for FBI. Can't get in FBI.
Example: I wanted to be in the armed forces. Can't do that either.
Example: I wanted to be a surgical technologist. I can't do that either! (I can't read lips through surgical masks!)
Example: I wanted to be a teacher. Um, if I need an interpreter to be a student, how am I gonna be a teacher?
Example: I was a music major. Yes, I know how to play an instrument. I played quite well. I can't hear the difference between flat and sharp without other instruments or a metrodome.

Limitations. They suck.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by DamonK

No tty.

My new hearing aid (3 yrs old by now) is digital rather than analog. I have mastered the art of holding phone just right to my microphone.

I don't think I'd know how to use a tty.

Yeah, quite often people think I wanna make out with them. For me, being deaf, it takes me a second longer to process whatever's being said. So I may be staring at lips a bit longer.... Not intentional. Just processing.

I never knew why my parents didn't learn ASL.

The only things I have that make it obvious is my hearing aid...batteries...dogs that bark if someone knocks or doorbell rings and closed captioning on my tv.

I do good with my cell phone.

I can't hear on house phone.

My parents are insistent I'm normal. They raised me to believe I could do anything I wanted. I'm not saying they did wrong. Not by any means. However, it was a slap in the face to discover I COULDN'T do anything I wanted. I had limitations. I had to adapt to them.

Example: I wanted to be a criminal profiler for FBI. Can't get in FBI.
Example: I wanted to be in the armed forces. Can't do that either.
Example: I wanted to be a surgical technologist. I can't do that either! (I can't read lips through surgical masks!)
Example: I wanted to be a teacher. Um, if I need an interpreter to be a student, how am I gonna be a teacher?
Example: I was a music major. Yes, I know how to play an instrument. I played quite well. I can't hear the difference between flat and sharp without other instruments or a metrodome.

Limitations. They suck.

I hear you about limitations. I am ever hopeful that we are going to keep pushing new legislation that opens more doors for people with different abilities.

Except for the surgical tech/mask thing I don't think it's right that you cannot do anything else on that list. Even the surgical tech job could be possible with some kind of compensation maybe? I don't know.

What instrument do you play?

Oh, an the tty thing. They give you a phone that looks like this:



and people call you through a tty operator, who types what they are saying onto a screen for you. you either type or speak your responses.

not too awful, and i'm pretty sure you can pick up a phone just about anywhere here in the states and get a tty operator.

[Plato]

Originally Posted by DamonK

I had limitations. I had to adapt to them.

Example: I wanted to be a teacher. Um, if I need an interpreter to be a student, how am I gonna be a teacher?

Limitations. They suck.

I think that after completing your school-work, you would be a awesome teacher, because you would know how to motivate those who think they are "unabled".

Your life experience is unique and priceless.