Open Letter: Dear Femme

[Kosmo]

Originally Posted by blush

Yo
I'd be interested to hear from y'all what YOU(and by YOU I mean all y'all, not YOU personally, Kosmo) can do to change how we are perceived.

Hi, blush *smiles*

I think I understand. If not, I expect you to let me know. You're asking the folks in this thread what can be done to change the perception, right? Please allow me to offer some thoughts.

How do you feel you are perceived? Do you feel invisible? Do you feel you take a back seat position to others? Do you feel that your opinion, statements, or thoughts are not considered or taken into account? Do you feel an unbalance in the dynamics of butch-femme or male/masculine-female/feminine engagement, here and in the world around you. It does carry over.

When I interact with my sweetheart, she is very clear in her communication to me. Do I feel a privilege sometimes that shadows her needs, desires? Yes, I have been guilty of that. I think it comes from fighting for recognition myself. In the world at large where the difference between me and the other worldly (societies majority as a whole) challenges my very existence. I get caught in the 'it's all about me' syndrome. My views, my opinions, etc.

When this happens, she speaks up, challenges me and I have to stop and think about what she's said. I can't think of an example off hand.

She realizes that she herself also walks in that ghost like veil of invisibility even if she doesn't physically look any different than the next person. You know what I mean? Being careful about sharing her personal life, assumptions by straight men, women, etc. I need to be sensitive to that. I need to let her know that she is not alone in dealing with it, even if only wanting to vent about it, *smiles*.

I think 'we' need to say more than thank you to all the females/femmes for supporting us, how powerful the femme dynamic seems to some of us, how we can't live without you. But is that the only sentiment you really want to hear. What does it mean? We are all individuals that want recognition for who we are, what we think, not only how it compliments or supports another. Truth is, I can live without the femme, but I would rather live with it.*winks*

Here in the forum, all of you need to speak your mind. Don't settle for the back seat or a 'good girl' sentiment (I tease my girl 'cause she gets riled when she sees that). Don't allow the interruption of conversation (which is rude to begin with).

My girl tells me when she is not happy about something and I damn well better be paying attention, lol. But, and this is important to our relationship, she listens when I'm not happy about something too.

Yes, all y'all *winks* need to change the perception. Just give the rest of us a clear understanding of what it is you expect.

I think I've talked too much, *snickers*

I have to add that my relationship dynamic with my girl is such that if I were to interrupt her and ask for a beer, I think she would most likely look at me with a 'really?' expression on her face. I've never done it and don't ever expect to, *chuckles*