Open Letter: Dear Femme

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Bit

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And there ya have it. Neither of us could see who Blush was looking at when she expanded on that request; you assumed she was "looking around the room" at all the Femmes and asking Kosmo to be quiet; I assumed she was "looking around the room" and inviting participation not just from Kosmo, but from all the Butches and Transmen in the room--expanding her request, not limiting it.

Only Blush can say what she really meant. Again, if I am the only one who read her post that way, I apologize for derailing.

I hope that you can see that I was telling you, not what Kosmo feels--I don't have that right--but how the wording of your post made ME feel, and how it came across to me, a person who has been repeatedly silenced in discussions very much like this one.

I also hope that you will keep it in the forefront that I appreciate what you are doing in the creation and shepherding of this conversation, and I stand beside you in your goals for it. I just want it to be very clear who is and isn't welcome to post and to answer direct questions.

I fully admit that is my own issue. I. Hate. Conflict. This is NOT a "Good Girl" issue, nor any kind of socialization issue. It is because I am Empathic, which is a psychic skill; I cannot bear to watch people inflict pain on one another because *I* feel it every time. This is my issue; I own it. All I ask from you to help me stay in the conversation is clarity--which you have now given, thank you--about who is welcome to give opinions in the thread.

(((Bit))) I am not silencing you with the following post. I really LIKE you and want to gently tell you that there wasn't any conflict here. Boundaries? Check. Purpose of the OP being followed? Check. Silencing? No.

It's hard for *Me* to watch what is happening in this thread. We ARE as Femme's allowed to carve out a safe space to talk about ourselves and things unique to being Femme. About being seen as more than a supporter of all things Butch. It iis not unimaginable to ask butches or trans people to not opine on how a femme should be. Opinions are welcome but within the boundaries set forth.

What IS important here is that you speak for yourself. About yourself.
We are all here with open arms for that. Because often we don't get to do that.

I understand the empath thing. I am extremely empathic and have to work to shield myself. To not take on others feelings. That is hard work but well worth it.

e told you that she and Kosmo had much conversation behind the scene and nobody had hurt feelings. I don't feel like you heard that, and I hope you'll consider it. IF Kosmo had been hurt and/or there was conflict it is up to Kosmo to speak up, work through it and maybe learn in the process.

I had much trepidation about posting to you because you have said numerous times in this thread that you've been silenced a lot. I am speaking to you from both a gentle and loving place. I hope that shines through in what I am trying to say here.