Mental Illness

Andrew, Jr. · 12-09-2009, 01:11 PM

This place is so dirty. OMG. I am washing my hands all the times. I just went thru the hand sanitizers my mother had. Now, I am back and forth in the bathroom washing, and washing. I am back to step 1.

MsTinkerbelly · 12-09-2009, 02:04 PM

Hi there all...

I'm joining in the middle of the thread, and I hope that's okay.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD for short. It is often passed along down the female side of the family, and I have noticed that my mother has it and my daughter is showing signs. BPD affects 2% of the population, mostly women.

It took the break up of my relationship to finally figure out what was wrong, and why I was unable to form lasting friendships and relationships. My Marriage is now back on track, and all of my interactions are becoming easier in general. Oh I still have BPD, and I still don't like most people, but the way I deal with people is changing every day. I can regulate myself better, although I still occasionally do lose all perspective and have an episode.

When I am completely stressed I have OCD issues, where I check over and over for my keys before I can leave the house or get out of my car. When those episodes begin, I keep my keys in my hand and stare at them as I exit. It is not a cure, but at least I can move.

Thank you all for sharing...it really helps to know I am not alone.

Andrew, Jr. · 12-09-2009, 03:26 PM

Hi and Welcome BlushingFemme!

Mindy · 12-09-2009, 06:03 PM

Music is great. I find that it often helps make my mood brighter when I'm feeling down. There are times, though, when i'm down that I listen to stuff that makes my mood worse, because I'm listening to music that "fits" my mood. A lot of times when I'm angry and upset I like to listen to loud, angry music with the volume on high. I'll listen to it a bit, do housework and the movement and the music makes me feel better after a bit. When I'm feeling better, the volume goes down and the music style changes. Can't do it where I'm living now, no loud music, no music at all unless it's through my head phones, otherwise there are fights over the music. I live with music haters! lol... not really, we just have huge differences on what constitutes "good" music.

JustLovelyJenn · 12-09-2009, 11:43 PM

The question about music in relation to treatment for mental illness is quite ironic to me at the moment. I too fair far better with the world when I see it beyond the blare of my music, but financial situations have not allowed me to have a CD player or mp3 player for myself in quite some time.

I just recently started throwing a CD in the DVD player to do my work again. I can't tell you how much of a Godsend music is. It calms my anxiety, releases my tension and makes the world a manageable place again. When I am angry, I put on a song and sing my lungs out. When I want to cry I put on something with a beat and focus on the rhythm. Without music I would never make it through a day, even without the CD playing I am singing to myself. I would have given up on trying so long ago if it weren't for the music.

NotAnAverageGuy · 12-10-2009, 12:00 AM

Music is good but who else on here does the journaling and writing?

MsTinkerbelly · 12-11-2009, 11:27 AM

Music can calm me down faster than anything else...especially Christmas songs. They say that Christmas music (especially up tempo) releases lots of good endorphins into the system.

I journal and write decent poetry only when unhappy...I have been unable to write anything of importance in quite a while. The writing pulls me deeper into myself, and makes things so much worse! I do a lot of self checking now when I feel the urge to write.

atomiczombie · 12-11-2009, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blushingfemme

Hi there all...

I'm joining in the middle of the thread, and I hope that's okay.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD for short. It is often passed along down the female side of the family, and I have noticed that my mother has it and my daughter is showing signs. BPD affects 2% of the population, mostly women.

It took the break up of my relationship to finally figure out what was wrong, and why I was unable to form lasting friendships and relationships. My Marriage is now back on track, and all of my interactions are becoming easier in general. Oh I still have BPD, and I still don't like most people, but the way I deal with people is changing every day. I can regulate myself better, although I still occasionally do lose all perspective and have an episode.

When I am completely stressed I have OCD issues, where I check over and over for my keys before I can leave the house or get out of my car. When those episodes begin, I keep my keys in my hand and stare at them as I exit. It is not a cure, but at least I can move.

Thank you all for sharing...it really helps to know I am not alone.

I think it's amazing that you realized you were BPD, and I commend you for taking responsibility for that! That is a very tough thing to do, given the nature of BPD. Most people with it have no clue they have it, let alone take responsibility for it and make a real effort to change. KUDOS!!!

MsTinkerbelly · 12-11-2009, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I think it's amazing that you realized you were BPD, and I commend you for taking responsibility for that! That is a very tough thing to do, given the nature of BPD. Most people with it have no clue they have it, let alone take responsibility for it and make a real effort to change. KUDOS!!!

Thank you very much. I worked with people with Mental Health issues for 16years, and I knew deep inside something was wrong; the inability to form lasting relationships was very troubling for me.

BPD is a really strange disease, in that you blame EVERYONE else for your problems and issues, and it all seems quite rational.

atomiczombie · 12-11-2009, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blushingfemme

Thank you very much. I worked with people with Mental Health issues for 16years, and I knew deep inside something was wrong; the inability to form lasting relationships was very troubling for me.

BPD is a really strange disease, in that you blame EVERYONE else for your problems and issues, and it all seems quite rational.

Yes, my ex-wife has it and has no clue. She is verbally and emotionally abusive on top of that, which makes her impossible to deal with rationally. I have had to distance myself from her, which is sad because she has a side that is wonderful. That is the side I fell in love with, but eventually I couldn't deal with her blaming me for everything when she said things that were cruel to me. I understand that she is ill. I think if she realized what was going on and got help she could be a wonderful person to be around. But my leaving her wasn't a wake-up call, and her losing her daughter wasn't either. I don't think she will ever understand what is really going on and that is sad.

Andrew, Jr. · 12-11-2009, 06:06 PM

Today I went and saw my father in the hospital. I had to wear and gown, gloves, mask, and hat. He is being quaranteened because of having a gastric bacteria infection from diabetes on top of pnen. and bronc. He is really sick, and has been in the hospital for over a week from what I have learned today. He isn't being released any time soon.

Today, after I went in, I felt like I should just take all my clothes off and shower. It was horrible. Then there were cracks in the sidewalk going in and out of the hospital. And to top it off, the carpeting was in a pattern. I had to take my meds 3x's to just function. It was just that overwhelming. My anxiety level on a scale of 1 to 10 was well over 10.

No, I am not a drug addict as someone once said about me. And yes, I was in touch with my doctor about this situation. I think when someone is so compulsive as I am (and trust me I am very compulsive), I make sure that I take care of myself. It would be wrong not too. My thinking is this, it would be the same as having a seizure (grand mal) one day, and the very next day going for a long drive on a busy expressway.

Anyway, I just wanted to share. Nobody is an island. We are all in this together.

Namaste,
Andrew

NotAnAverageGuy · 12-12-2009, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Yes, my ex-wife has it and has no clue. She is verbally and emotionally abusive on top of that, which makes her impossible to deal with rationally. I have had to distance myself from her, which is sad because she has a side that is wonderful. That is the side I fell in love with, but eventually I couldn't deal with her blaming me for everything when she said things that were cruel to me. I understand that she is ill. I think if she realized what was going on and got help she could be a wonderful person to be around. But my leaving her wasn't a wake-up call, and her losing her daughter wasn't either. I don't think she will ever understand what is really going on and that is sad.

AZ, one of my ex's was the same as your ex-wife, abusive in all forms, etc.

I am glad we both got out and are taking care of ourselves.

MsTinkerbelly · 12-14-2009, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Yes, my ex-wife has it and has no clue. She is verbally and emotionally abusive on top of that, which makes her impossible to deal with rationally. I have had to distance myself from her, which is sad because she has a side that is wonderful. That is the side I fell in love with, but eventually I couldn't deal with her blaming me for everything when she said things that were cruel to me. I understand that she is ill. I think if she realized what was going on and got help she could be a wonderful person to be around. But my leaving her wasn't a wake-up call, and her losing her daughter wasn't either. I don't think she will ever understand what is really going on and that is sad.

From what I have read, there are MANY different types of BPD. Mine manifests in feeling like everyone is out to "get"me, and that nothing I do is right. I am not verbally or physically abusive, I just shutdown completely and detach from life, which my Kasey HATES. I am also very afraid that those I love will leave me or die, so I will leave first or distance myself from them emotionally.

From what I have read I am one of the "lucky" ones who can actually stop themselves in the middle of an episode and evaluate whether or not I am appropriately angry. It is so darn annoying when I realize I am mad for no reason, or that I have blown something way out of proportion. If I could just do that BEFORE I get crazy I would feel so much better.

But I guess if that were the case, I wouldn't have BPD.

12-09-2009, 01:11 PM	#1
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Handwashing This place is so dirty. OMG. I am washing my hands all the times. I just went thru the hand sanitizers my mother had. Now, I am back and forth in the bathroom washing, and washing. I am back to step 1.

12-09-2009, 06:03 PM	#4
Mindy Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: her/she Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Michigan Posts: 194 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 49 Thanked 174 Times in 57 Posts Rep Power: 13975	Music is great. I find that it often helps make my mood brighter when I'm feeling down. There are times, though, when i'm down that I listen to stuff that makes my mood worse, because I'm listening to music that "fits" my mood. A lot of times when I'm angry and upset I like to listen to loud, angry music with the volume on high. I'll listen to it a bit, do housework and the movement and the music makes me feel better after a bit. When I'm feeling better, the volume goes down and the music style changes. Can't do it where I'm living now, no loud music, no music at all unless it's through my head phones, otherwise there are fights over the music. I live with music haters! lol... not really, we just have huge differences on what constitutes "good" music. __________________ You must submit to supreme suffering in order to discover the completion of joy. ~John Calvin~

12-09-2009, 11:43 PM	#5
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,991 Times in 3,684 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	The question about music in relation to treatment for mental illness is quite ironic to me at the moment. I too fair far better with the world when I see it beyond the blare of my music, but financial situations have not allowed me to have a CD player or mp3 player for myself in quite some time. I just recently started throwing a CD in the DVD player to do my work again. I can't tell you how much of a Godsend music is. It calms my anxiety, releases my tension and makes the world a manageable place again. When I am angry, I put on a song and sing my lungs out. When I want to cry I put on something with a beat and focus on the rhythm. Without music I would never make it through a day, even without the CD playing I am singing to myself. I would have given up on trying so long ago if it weren't for the music. __________________ --Jenn

12-11-2009, 06:06 PM	#11
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	My ocd was really tested today Today I went and saw my father in the hospital. I had to wear and gown, gloves, mask, and hat. He is being quaranteened because of having a gastric bacteria infection from diabetes on top of pnen. and bronc. He is really sick, and has been in the hospital for over a week from what I have learned today. He isn't being released any time soon. Today, after I went in, I felt like I should just take all my clothes off and shower. It was horrible. Then there were cracks in the sidewalk going in and out of the hospital. And to top it off, the carpeting was in a pattern. I had to take my meds 3x's to just function. It was just that overwhelming. My anxiety level on a scale of 1 to 10 was well over 10. No, I am not a drug addict as someone once said about me. And yes, I was in touch with my doctor about this situation. I think when someone is so compulsive as I am (and trust me I am very compulsive), I make sure that I take care of myself. It would be wrong not too. My thinking is this, it would be the same as having a seizure (grand mal) one day, and the very next day going for a long drive on a busy expressway. Anyway, I just wanted to share. Nobody is an island. We are all in this together. Namaste, Andrew

12-09-2009, 02:04 PM	#2
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,901 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	Hi there all... I'm joining in the middle of the thread, and I hope that's okay. I have Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD for short. It is often passed along down the female side of the family, and I have noticed that my mother has it and my daughter is showing signs. BPD affects 2% of the population, mostly women. It took the break up of my relationship to finally figure out what was wrong, and why I was unable to form lasting friendships and relationships. My Marriage is now back on track, and all of my interactions are becoming easier in general. Oh I still have BPD, and I still don't like most people, but the way I deal with people is changing every day. I can regulate myself better, although I still occasionally do lose all perspective and have an episode. When I am completely stressed I have OCD issues, where I check over and over for my keys before I can leave the house or get out of my car. When those episodes begin, I keep my keys in my hand and stare at them as I exit. It is not a cure, but at least I can move. Thank you all for sharing...it really helps to know I am not alone.

12-09-2009, 03:26 PM	#3
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Hi and Welcome BlushingFemme!

12-10-2009, 12:00 AM	#6
NotAnAverageGuy Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Trans Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 1,723 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 109 Thanked 282 Times in 178 Posts Rep Power: 0	Music is good but who else on here does the journaling and writing?

12-11-2009, 11:27 AM	#7
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,901 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	Music can calm me down faster than anything else...especially Christmas songs. They say that Christmas music (especially up tempo) releases lots of good endorphins into the system. I journal and write decent poetry only when unhappy...I have been unable to write anything of importance in quite a while. The writing pulls me deeper into myself, and makes things so much worse! I do a lot of self checking now when I feel the urge to write.