When you turn out the lights...

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by softness

I would disagree with you, Gemme, because while the white person who said this might have "meant" that color doesnt matter in the dark, that we are all the same in the dark, what I heard is that the darkness brings "up" what is "down" and "down" what is "up" and equalizes the standards of equality between races.

Said from the up position...people in the down position could feel very downed by these words.

Why?

I am not a POC but I am a plain woman and I have to tell you how insulting it is to me when someone says they are all the same in the dark when they refer to physical beauty. I am not an American Standard of Beauty Barbie Doll. I am indeed,a plain woman. I am not needing any "oh but your beauty is in the inside" comments. I know I am beautiful outside the realm of the American Standards of Beauty. Dont need stroking. But it pisses me off when people say plain women are as good as beautiful women in bed when the lights are off because this further defines me as not beautiful in its attempt to make me beautiful. It actually defeats its purpose.

Same with fucking a POC in the dark is the same as fucking a white woman in the Dark. It DOESNT equalize them. It further defines them as inequals.

I can see your pov. It makes absolute sense.

I was just making the point that none of us were there, short of deeper and she was asking for our opinions (and since this was a new group for her), so we don't truly know what was in the speaker's heart. At the very least, it was incredibly insensitive.

Originally Posted by deeperstill

Gemme--did you just change your location?! *giggles*

To all: thanks for your thoughts. i needed the check because i was, as usual, the only person of color in the room, and the only femme to boot, and prior to the comment i describe above, a different butch made a remark about queers not "passing" in society. I had to remind the room that i was a femme (surprised looks ALL AROUND) and that i usually pass (unless i try really hard NOT to). sigh.

Anyway, made me think maybe i was being overly sensitive....thanks for the reality check

*laughs*

I did. I'm in Austin, TX now.

It's hot.

It sounds like, to me, they are a pretty close knit group and so you, as a new member (and perhaps because of your submissive nature), they would not place the same weight in your words as that of the Master speaker.

Perhaps at another time you could approach the speaker and ask for clarification? I'm not in the scene and don't really know the nuances and the more discreet protocols so maybe another member could do so if you are not able to.

I'd like to think that this group is good for you and a place where you could feel welcomed and safe. Unfortunately, I'm not getting that feeling right now. Of course, it's only because of this thread and especially your last post. It feels to me as if they don't see you.

I genuinely hope I am wrong. I hope that that particular speaker, though a Master, doesn't wield the majority of the power in the group. I get a squinchy feeling when I think someone in that place, with potential power over others, saying things like that.