Dating and Race

The_Lady_Snow · 09-23-2010, 02:54 PM

I am still at a loss

Soft*Silver · 09-23-2010, 03:02 PM

Dragonfly, if you are asking when is the right time in the course of a new friendship/relationship to ask if the person dates someone of a different color, the time is when the question needs an answer. Obviously its now.

Just ask her out. If she says yes, its because she likes you, not because of what color you are.

stop fussing. Dating is suppose to be fun. You are swooning over her. Stop looking for pitfalls and just ask her out...

Dragonfly · 09-24-2010, 06:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by softness

Dragonfly, if you are asking when is the right time in the course of a new friendship/relationship to ask if the person dates someone of a different color, the time is when the question needs an answer. Obviously its now.

Just ask her out. If she says yes, its because she likes you, not because of what color you are.

stop fussing. Dating is suppose to be fun. You are swooning over her. Stop looking for pitfalls and just ask her out...

Hey its too late, and yeah I am crushing even more inspite of myself, but thank you cause you are right. No logical reason not to ask anybody I like to go out with me. Unless the convo is so amazing and deep that I'd be afraid of making it weird or uncomfy...everybody else feels a person out for more than a week before dating right? Do people date the same as back when I used to get asked on a date? The only fuss is how my screen looks better edited than it actually is.

La Perla · 11-14-2010, 12:26 AM

Hi Dragonfly,
I have found that honestly just adoring someone for who they are as a person, and not worrying about color and culture go a long way. When I hear the phrase "white elephant" it sounds like you expect relating to a person from another culture, to be an issue. Or that there is going to be something to work out. I sense it is out of nervousness of a new experience, but that mindset creates an unnecessary barrier. Take a deep breath and enjoy the opportunity of getting to know and appreciate the PERSON for who they are.

Everyone enjoys honest attention, and interest. Approach a friend from a culture that's new to you: with respect, listen, have an open mind an open heart, then enjoy and share. It really can be that simple. Embrace them, look for common ground.

La Perla

nicetgurl_30 · 11-15-2010, 05:49 PM

I love this thread! It's like oB said u date ppl who know that u don't care about race or culture, yes it's nice to acknowlegde it but not hold back because of it. That's like ummm.....well give me a mintue. Okay next post I'll have something

1PlayfulFemme · 11-15-2010, 06:33 PM

A few pearls of wisdom, that were handed down to me when I needed them:

Every human on this planet is the same...we all have wants, needs, desires.

If you don't ask, you will never know.

If they reject you, bounce back! Don't play games! Enjoy yourself and you will find yourself surrounded by positive people - at least one of whom will think of you romantically!!

Don't make it so much about being in "head space"! Try not to think it out so much!!!

To quote Nike...Just Do It!!

Be brave! Accept Rejection! Accept Acceptance!! Have fun! Enjoy life! Do the things you love to do and you will meet someone you are compatible with! If they don't date outside their race, move on! You can't help your skin color, as they can't help theirs, if they don't know that, it's their loss!!

Dating/Relationships are about so much more than what you see! Would you want to be with someone who had to think about the fact that you aren't matchy-matchy on the outside???

Just my 2 cents!! Good luck in life, in dating, in relationships, but most of all, with being happy & loving yourself!!

Chancie · 11-15-2010, 06:45 PM

This thread is old, so I hope it's okay to derail a bit.

I can understand why someone would choose to date someone of the same religion or the same race.

There are definitely times when I don't want to explain everything about who I am to a potential friend or date.

Here in Western Mass, being Jewish is considered a bit exotic, which wasn't true when I lived in New York City.

I believe that just as being Black in white America,

Being Jewish in Christian America is an experience that is particular to those who share the experience.

I am not saying that being Black is the same as being Jewish, but

I am saying that being Other offers challenges that others may not understand.

I am not saying that there aren't people who care to hear what it's like, and

They can put down their egos in order to understand.

I am saying that with the beauty that is the melding of culture and history comes a certain loss.

Dragonfly · 11-16-2010, 01:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by La Perla

Hi Dragonfly,
I have found that honestly just adoring someone for who they are as a person, and not worrying about color and culture go a long way. When I hear the phrase "white elephant" it sounds like you expect relating to a person from another culture, to be an issue. Or that there is going to be something to work out. I sense it is out of nervousness of a new experience, but that mindset creates an unnecessary barrier. Take a deep breath and enjoy the opportunity of getting to know and appreciate the PERSON for who they are.

Everyone enjoys honest attention, and interest. Approach a friend from a culture that's new to you: with respect, listen, have an open mind an open heart, then enjoy and share. It really can be that simple. Embrace them, look for common ground.

La Perla

So true and in a perfect world we'd all approach others with best intent and never unknowingly hurt them by breaking social norms. In situations concerning dating and racial differences, it is partly about where you live and who you and that person are friends with. It is not cured, and I just had the butterflies so bad I really needed to hear someone else say yes it is a subject that is not rude to bring up and that I shouldn't leave the burden of that question on the other person but to state that I'm not avoiding dating because of race are you and explain why I move slow. No biggie. It could have easily been a question I asked in the ptsd thread but I wanted to be specific to her on the subject. That I do date outside mine. Thanks truly!

09-23-2010, 02:54 PM	#1
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,077 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	I am still at a loss __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

09-23-2010, 03:02 PM	#2
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,894 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	Dragonfly, if you are asking when is the right time in the course of a new friendship/relationship to ask if the person dates someone of a different color, the time is when the question needs an answer. Obviously its now. Just ask her out. If she says yes, its because she likes you, not because of what color you are. stop fussing. Dating is suppose to be fun. You are swooning over her. Stop looking for pitfalls and just ask her out... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

11-15-2010, 05:49 PM	#5
nicetgurl_30 Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: AR Posts: 133 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 122 Thanked 214 Times in 89 Posts Rep Power: 295940	Race I love this thread! It's like oB said u date ppl who know that u don't care about race or culture, yes it's nice to acknowlegde it but not hold back because of it. That's like ummm.....well give me a mintue. Okay next post I'll have something

11-14-2010, 12:26 AM	#4
La Perla Junior Member How Do You Identify?: femme sensuelle Relationship Status: dating and enjoying life Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: This coast and that continent. Posts: 52 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 130 Thanked 126 Times in 31 Posts Rep Power: 410263	Hi Dragonfly, I have found that honestly just adoring someone for who they are as a person, and not worrying about color and culture go a long way. When I hear the phrase "white elephant" it sounds like you expect relating to a person from another culture, to be an issue. Or that there is going to be something to work out. I sense it is out of nervousness of a new experience, but that mindset creates an unnecessary barrier. Take a deep breath and enjoy the opportunity of getting to know and appreciate the PERSON for who they are. Everyone enjoys honest attention, and interest. Approach a friend from a culture that's new to you: with respect, listen, have an open mind an open heart, then enjoy and share. It really can be that simple. Embrace them, look for common ground. La Perla

11-15-2010, 06:33 PM	#6
1PlayfulFemme Member How Do You Identify?: An Unwitting Thread Derailer! Preferred Pronoun?: She, femme through and through Relationship Status: She is my soul. Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: In a lil sparkle of fairydust Posts: 1,026 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,890 Thanked 2,362 Times in 697 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	A few pearls of wisdom, that were handed down to me when I needed them: Every human on this planet is the same...we all have wants, needs, desires. If you don't ask, you will never know. If they reject you, bounce back! Don't play games! Enjoy yourself and you will find yourself surrounded by positive people - at least one of whom will think of you romantically!! Don't make it so much about being in "head space"! Try not to think it out so much!!! To quote Nike...Just Do It!! Be brave! Accept Rejection! Accept Acceptance!! Have fun! Enjoy life! Do the things you love to do and you will meet someone you are compatible with! If they don't date outside their race, move on! You can't help your skin color, as they can't help theirs, if they don't know that, it's their loss!! Dating/Relationships are about so much more than what you see! Would you want to be with someone who had to think about the fact that you aren't matchy-matchy on the outside??? Just my 2 cents!! Good luck in life, in dating, in relationships, but most of all, with being happy & loving yourself!!

11-15-2010, 06:45 PM	#7
Chancie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme-inist Relationship Status: I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Western Mass Posts: 3,774 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,518 Thanked 14,540 Times in 2,744 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	This thread is old, so I hope it's okay to derail a bit. I can understand why someone would choose to date someone of the same religion or the same race. There are definitely times when I don't want to explain everything about who I am to a potential friend or date. Here in Western Mass, being Jewish is considered a bit exotic, which wasn't true when I lived in New York City. I believe that just as being Black in white America, Being Jewish in Christian America is an experience that is particular to those who share the experience. I am not saying that being Black is the same as being Jewish, but I am saying that being Other offers challenges that others may not understand. I am not saying that there aren't people who care to hear what it's like, and They can put down their egos in order to understand. I am saying that with the beauty that is the melding of culture and history comes a certain loss.