Married/Partnered Planeteers - Combining Your Life

[cinderella]

I love reading all these stories. I esp got a kick out of yours, Jen...but why do images of 'Annie Hall' come to mind? lol

p.s. So happy to know you guys are still together and doing well. Many blessings...

Originally Posted by nycfembbw

When BB first moved in with me, I was living in a one-bedroom rent-stabilized 4th floor walk-up in a quirky building (to put it nicely) in NYC with 2 cats. BB was living in a large condo in Boston, with a cat and part-time with a teenage son, Jacob. About a year into our relationship BB was headhunted, and we decided to grab the opportunity sooner than we'd planned because the job (in LGBT philanthropy with a much admired lesbian feminist boss) was just too perfect and too available to pass up. We already knew we were on the "forever" track so it made sense in that way too.
I think the hardest part of moving in for BB was that the apartment was so much my style, and I think it's hard for the one moving in, even if given space, to really make it a true 50/50 reflection of both people. Also, BB is so normal, and I am so not! I was sleeping using old curtains as bedding; I had hooks on the walls for my clothes and was using the closets for craft supplies; and BB opened a cupboard hoping for storage space and a realistic, life-size rubber arm that I'd found too incredible looking to pass up years ago tumbled out. I was and am the more eccentric one! The biggest change I think BB made was to normalize the environment a bit.
BB also had to adjust to living without space, and I, with less space. We had a tiny kitchen, and the living room was turned into Jacob's bedroom, which was great because it had a door. However, it meant we literally had nowhere to eat meals, so we'd eat in bed. Have you ever spilled hot and sour soup in bed? It's not a pretty sight!
Sleep was another big issue that we had. I am an insomniac, and BB falls asleep easily. We both snore, but BB is a heavy sleeper, so my snoring doesn't bother him; however, I'm a light sleeper (when I finally fall asleep), and BB's snoring would wake me. I'm also an anxious type, and in order to fall asleep I need to be listening to something that distracts me from my thoughts. When BB first arrived, I was listening to loud stand up comedy on headphones (think: Sam Kinison), and I'd literally be giggling, which BB found annoying as hy was going to sleep. I thus switched over to rap music which BB sometimes had to ask me to turn down, and finally I've settled on true crime books on CD. I wear ear plugs and noise reduction headphones, and thankfully it's worked out!
The building we lived in was very strange to begin with but then the synagogue in the basement began doing construction, and our building was literally shaking on it's foundation. Water was pouring through the ceilings; we'd wake up to new cracks and chunks of wall falling out; and once the door frame shifted overnight, and I had to call the police to let me out of my own apartment. Our horror of a residence even made the NY Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/09/ny...ty/09shte.html . BB wanted to move, but I was insistent that DAMN IT, IT'S RENT STABILIZED- WE CAN'T MOVE! It took BB breaking down in tears and telling me I could stay here if I wanted but hy was moving out to get me to admit that maybe it was time to go! We found a great 2nd floor smaller co-op apartment a block away, and so I put the cats into my bubble coat, and we walked on over and moved in! Of course, BB was right. We have a daunting thirty-year-mortgage but we also have somewhere in which water doesn't shower down onto our bed as we sleep.
This apartment was also better for us because it feels much more like our style instead of just mine. We started out with some issues but were able to work most of them out. For instance, I have an extensive collection of Bratz dolls (similar to Barbies but with more ethnic variance and more of a bad girl image- Bratz girls have been around the block). When we moved in, while BB was sleeping, I set up my Bratz dolls sitting everywhere: on bookshelves, counters, window sills, etc. BB woke up and was immediately horrified! Hys word came down, "This is creepy! I cannot live with the dolls looking at me from every direction!" We settled on a built in bookshelf being their one hang-out, and BB's pottery went into the other built in bookshelf.
Similarly there was the issue of my arts and crafts supplies. BB said that hy didn't want hooks with scissors and tape hanging off the wall in random places like in the old apartment. With our limited space, we designated one corner of the living room/ "Jacob's bedroom" as my "office" with my desk and hooks galore, and the opposite corner is BB's "office." Basically my side looks like the habitat of a kindergartner with ADD, and BB's corner is that of a dignified older Jewish man (Did I mention BB's menorah collection?). There is a stark contrast, but it works for us. Luckily Jacob is off at art school himself, so he doesn't have to be in the middle of this too often.
BB and I also have a lot of different kinds of friends and interests. My friends tend to be... more colorful. BB likes pleasantly entertaining movies, and I like depressing documentaries. We find some common ground, but we also are both very cool with doing things on our own. What's nice about living together is that we are always at home together at the end of the day. I make dinner for us every night, and BB kindly lets me know if I've made something edible (I like very spicy vegetarian, and BB likes mild varied types of food.). Then we go on our computers and chat back and forth from our corners. My favorite part is ending the evenings cuddling and laughing together in bed.
It's funny how after nearly six years together we still have issues come up. BB had a sudden breakdown recently about how the kitchen is disorganized: "I can't find anything!" It had never even crossed my mind that a kitchen could be organized or that there'd be any benefit to it. I never separated silverware and stored all the foods and even plates and cups randomly. Well, I had to bite the bullet and organize so that BB didn't do it, as I realized I wanted to retain more control of the kitchen. In doing so I began to understand why people do organize kitchens. For instance, I was able to see that we had a ridiculous number of bottles of ketchup (which I hadn't been able to see before because they'd been spread out), and wasn't it quicker to not be reaching behind chips to see if there happened to be a glass. I am grateful for BB in so many ways!

[Sweet_Amor_Taino]

I am the type of guy that if I like something I buy it and hang it up where I think will look nice. I have Frida Kahlos art, Diego Rivera,s art, and Digital art by different artist. My furniture is from Pier One and Ikea. I do Not worry much if it matches just that I like it.

On the other hand Most to the ladies I have shared space with are the type that everything has to match and be place in the right place. I let them do their womanly thing and have the house the way they like it. I have even put things in storage to open space for their things and make it more comfortable and ascetically pleasing for their liking.

Let peace and love Role the house

[citybutch]

My wife has the inside of the house and I have the outside... I already have the pool/spa/patio/outdoor kitchen plans...

We DO consult with each other, though... I have a design for a new fireplace, for example...

We are a team effort with individual strengths...

As far as neatness, it all depends on the area of the house you are talking about. I am completely anal about the kitchen... no crumbs, hair, spatter, plugged in electronics... etc... She is far more anal about the laundry. I do most of the vacuuming and dusting (that hair thing again)... she scrubs the floors and the bathrooms..

Once again... team effort with individual strengths...

[suebee]

We have decided that in order to live in the same home we need a duplex with an adjoining living room.

[lionpaw]

My wife and I have been looking for a house for sometime, but we're looking for something that gives us enough both room for our own down time. I'm a type A personality while my wife likes to chill alot. It took me a long time to learn how to relax and smell the roses.

[citybutch]

I've seen that too... but I couldn't do it... I would miss her too much. We are both so busy that much of the time we are passing each other in the doorway. This week we agreed we would have OUR time after she works on Sunday....

Originally Posted by June

I've seen quite a few long-term relationships where each person had their own house. I like co-habitating, but I also need a lot of down time/quiet time, especially in the evenings. I am more social in the morning and afternoons.

I can't be with someone who is all up in my business all the time, it makes me cranky. Kind of like putting stuff on a bookshelf all willy-nilly does (tie in to the thread). Things should have some order and look pretty.

And yeah, I really am fussy like this, and then some.