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Breakups, Lessons Learned, Healing PLEASE do not use this forum for ugliness or nasty posts. |
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#1 |
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Everyone has asked her to leave me alone... she won't give up. It's like, she loves me, but doesn't want to be with me, so tries to hold on... but this time I'm not letting her. I need to grieve and move on, and I can't do it unless she disappears from my life for awhile.
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#2 | |
MILLION $$$ PUSSY
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If she keeps harrasing slap a restraining order against her, save texts and emails or voice mails. I think you mentioned she was moving, so this is good so the harrasment stops. Call the cops "Didn't know where else to turn, hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes here by starting a new thread, but... I'm broken. Today, my ex told me she's moving away with her new girlfriend. Leaving the state. With this girl she's only known for a month and a half. I broke down crying, and she kept asking me to come see her, saying she didn't want to leave like this... but I told her it hurt too much. She said goodbye on the phone, and said she loved me." I went back to look, let her move, if it's not soon I would file a restraining order, that will get the message across.!!!!
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"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden ![]() ![]() Last edited by The_Lady_Snow; 02-05-2011 at 07:51 PM. Reason: research |
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#3 |
Member
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Nah. I won't sink to her level. Best thing I can do is ignore her, permanently. If I take action like that, she'll just feel more powerful... knowing that she got to me. I'd rather let her think I'm completely done and don't care to give her a second thought.
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#4 | |
MILLION $$$ PUSSY
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Awesome!! Cause we have a 2 page thread of nothing but thoughts!! Way to make the first step!
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"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden ![]() ![]() |
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#5 | |
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I think it was softness who said that alcoholics can say they love you, but it isn't what you think it is. I believe that. The part I highlighted in red speaks very loudly to me. I had a person in my life for a number of years who was completely toxic. She's not on this site, just for the record. In retrospect, I know that she has some serious issues that she needs to deal with...and to this day I don't know whether it's a substance problem or a mental illness or what... What I do know is that for several years, she dominated my life...all the time telling me that she loved me, needed me, couldn't function without me. I would drop everything for her...leave important work events to take her calls...talk to her for hours every night...listen to craziness you cannot imagine. I cared about her...and I believed it was mutual. Reality is that she cared about herself, and the drama she was living inside...and that was all. We were not lovers...but she also wouldn't leave any space in my life or emotions or psyche for anyone else either. She didn't want to be with me...but she did want me to always be available to her and caught up in her "stuff." When I started putting limits on her, and setting up some boundaries that were healthy for me...she exploded. When I persisted with the boundaries...she suddenly announced that she couldn't deal with having me in her life in any way. We never spoke again. We went from constant conversation that she couldn't live without....to nothing. Just for me, someone who wants to dominate your life and leave you no emotional space to love someone else....but doesn't want to be with you themselves...doesn't really love you. That's control...not love...at least in my view. You've had good advice here...be with friends, go to an Al-Anon meeting (or a bunch of them), talk to a counselor, take some time just for yourself. Block her calls...and if she still texts...change your phone number. I wish you luck. ![]()
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#6 | |
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yeah..she is going to hold you hostage. We do that, us alcoholics. We need to hold onto you just in case what we left you for doesnt work out. We always have to have a way back in...
you really want this? I can sit here and be your interpreter all night long. I speak Sick real good. .... Its my native language... Quote:
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#7 |
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I have been there. Everyone has...the advice you have gotten so far is good. Being in love with who you thought the person was is far different then being in love with the actual person sometimes.
I was in love with who I thought my ex was. Who she actually was a person who could cheat, lie, break my shit and cause immense amounts of pain to get what she wanted. Now, as she was doing all these things (after we had been together for 8 years) I was a MESS and in my fog of trying to rationalize what had suddenly become of my life I would make excuses for her. All kinds. She does have a serious mental illness which she chose not to treat. I justified her behavior for a long time. I cried. I had hysterical fits of anger and frustration. And I stayed IN it. I actually held out until SHE walked out the door. It took another two years for me to stop all contact with her. I told myself all kinds of stuff to justify staying with her. She didn't mean it. It wouldn't happen again. She really loved me she just didn't know how. blah, blah, fucking blah....The truth was - she was an asshole. When you love someone you ACT like it. It's a verb. One person can't sustain a relationship for two people. The emotional, financial and mental upheaval that I've gone through over her I could have avoided if I had cut off the contact WAY WAY WAY earlier. I didn't. I paid the price. It wasn't necessary. I am 10,000 times happier without her in my life. I moved on. FINALLY. My life is better, because I actually have one that doesn't revolve around her bullshit drama. I have love now. Things are calm and make sense in a way that they never could with her. My current relationship is easy and LOVING. Two things that I held on to from all the advice I got "Never make someone a priority that you are just an option to." and "The problem with liars is you never know when they're telling the truth." |
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#8 | |
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I would say good luck and don't respond to her at all and hopefully you'll get through it.
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