For the T-Femmes and SOFFAs...

[Hudson]

Originally Posted by apretty

i am confused because i believe that ANY person 'can love a trans-person' and i am dismayed that some think that it takes a special 'breed of femme' when in reality, most people i know fall in love with both the *inside and outside* of the person.

my hope is that we'd please, stop 'othering' the trans-people by making them and/or the ability to love these people such a "rare and unique" (unicorn) thing to behold.

flip-side --i don't get the whole identifying yourself dependent on who you're doing-thing. i've never changed my identity to date/love/plan a future with anyone, and i value that that's as a huge source of strength--that inflexibility while changing/moving/evolving all the time.

Hands down, one of THE best trans ally posts EVER. Everrr. Love you for this, C.

[Princess4u]

Originally Posted by Hudson

Hands down, one of THE best trans ally posts EVER. Everrr. Love you for this, C.

I feel like I have been locked away in this obscure little world of loving only butches but secretly desiring both butches and transmen. I am not only learning that there are all of these labels for all of us and we get so caught up in them, but that there is a community of femmes and transmen willing to express themselves so openly. Hence why I want to thank you all for posting on this thread.

Many years ago I dated someone who was pre-transgender and it never crossed my mind what that met to him. Until many years later we met up again and his transition was complete and he offered to re-transition back to butch as to be with me. Then is when it hit me or so I thought...omg femmes are gay and we are only supposed to be with butch women. For years after that I couldnt understand and I felt wrong for being attracted to both transmen and butch. I thought am I straight, am I gay and why does it matter? I feel very honoured to have many transmale friends and I dont feel like they are butch but men. Am I wrong in saying I am lesbian if I also am attracted to transmen? How does this make them feel because they are straight?

And just as a side note, that person I dated...the reason we didnt work out wasnt to do with his transitioning. To me that was normal, it just made sense to me why he would want to transition. There were other reasons involved which sadly to say were drugs. To be honest, I miss him (the non drug user part). He treated me better than anyone in my entire life. And for him to feel like he needed to transition back to female broke my heart. Because I already cared so deeply for him. But I just cant tolerate someone being altered all the time on substances.

I hope I havent been disrespectful to anyone. I feel like I have kept these questions inside for so long I feel wrong for even writing them down. I just want to understand and to feel ok with me. I suppose ironically its almost like someone feeling they are gay/lesbian and trying to live the staight life when you desire something else. How ironic.

Thank you for your time and interest. And thank you for starting this thread.