7 Rules for Building Safer/Saner Online Communities

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by nycfembbw

One of the things that I fell for (an old site, member not part of this site) was to think that someone was "safe" to loan money to in their crisis because they were a frequent poster for years. I felt that the person was so entrenched in the community that they wouldn't disappear. I'd also been "friends" with the individual for years, despite never meeting. After wiring a large sum of money upon the person's desperate request, the person DID disappear and never paid me back or contacted me again. I think that some people groom others with the eventual plan to use them. It's easy to feel comfortable with people who we see every day on the site, to want to quickly jump in and help someone who claims to be on the edge of something terrible happening and is asking for money. I realize now that it's never good to get too comfortable.

Raising my hand too. Same story. Someone who I had seen posting for years. Someone everyone seemed to like. I had never talked to ANYONE individually for the 10+ years I was on that site until her. Large sum of money. She didn't disappear, but I didn't tell anyone, either. Anyone. Just in case her reasons for not being able to pay me back were true...you know, I didn't want to ruin her rep! I guess I believed the reasons she couldn't pay it back "just then" too b/c she wasn't the one who wanted to end the online romantic connection. However, even though I was the one that ended the connection, I have a very strong suspicion she wouldn't have paid me back, anyway. (It is not like she still doesn't have my snail mail address!).

Sure wish someone would have said something who noticed our connection. No way in hell I was the first person she did this to. Not that this was anyone's job, of course, but it would have saved me a HECK of a lot of heartache (on many fronts).

I was embarrassed about it. I am not anymore.

[princessbelle]

Geeze maybe we need a thread where people will post that have NOT sent out money. Guilty of more than once which makes me sorta not so brilliant.

Shyly raises hand and am glad i'm not alone. Or i guess maybe i wish i was alone.

I like Gemme's response....and i reiterate...currently...unsuckered.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

Geeze maybe we need a thread where people will post that have NOT sent out money. Guilty of more than once which makes me sorta not so brilliant.

Shyly raises hand and am glad i'm not alone. Or i guess maybe i wish i was alone.

I like Gemme's response....and i reiterate...currently...unsuckered.

Maybe we should be called "the site of ex-suckers!"

[scootebaby]

i can honestly say i have never sent money to anyone,BUT i have been suckered into stories...enough times that now i question almost everything and everybody...and of course i try to warn Jo about things...altho she did get fooled(guess i did as well since i was like "that is sad,and it would be very nice of you"

i have learned however if you wait long enough and pay attention ppl will always forget the lies they tell!....as NYC said if you have the slightest inkling sometihng is not quite right,dont ignore it!

[Gemme]

Jennifer and Dapper....a bit of a derail here, but....I borrowed money from a member on another site once and THEY disappeared before I could finish paying them back.



Okay, so I knew where they were going (a different continent), but they never sent me their new address to continue the payments.

Carry on......

[MysticOceansFL]

I Totally agree and I was almost con'd by a con artist from online <<<<< But I contacted the Sherriff Dept in my town and they delt with the two people!!! I was lucky.

[Gayla]

I have never sent money to anyone that I knew only online although I have come very, very, very close several times. I have also invested huge amounts of time and energy into relationships (of the friendship kind) with people who have turned out to be less than truthful. Oh, and I've fallen madly in love with two people who turned out to be completely batshit crazy.

I've been online for a really long time, since the days of local BB's and Usenet, and I can't count the number of really amazing people that I've met along the way. I also can't count the number of not so great people that I've met.

Probably the most important thing that I've learned through the years is to do as much as you can to verify that the person you are about to send money to, fly across the country to meet for the first time, give your home phone number or address or place of employment, etc. is who they say they are before you do any of those things. Yes, it can be uncomfortable to talk about. Yes, it can appear as "untrusting". Yes, it can be a mood killer. But the only time I've ever had someone balk was when they had something to hide.

[BullDog]

I am someone who wants to see the good in people. I don't want to be guarded and suspicious. I've met some great people from online, but all the lies and lies of omission are quite staggering. I trust very few people these days.