Femme Led Relationships and Trans/Butch/Femme Bottoms

[Toughy]

by Angelika
Ah yes, dressed in pantyhose, a dark suit where the skirt stops just above the knees, pencil kind, the blouse almost sheer, hinting, but not showing; stilettos that make you afraid you will step on your boobage at age 60 if you do not wear a bra now; hair piled up, loosely cascading, inviting yet with a 'hands off' sign invisibly attached; small half mooned glasses perched at the end of the nose, looking over them at some unsuspecting Butch ... and not saying a word. Perhaps leaning against the doorway of a car repair shop, or standing casually in a boardroom setting, or waking up to sunlight streaming through my window and the smell of coffee assaulting my nostrils ... waiting, and knowing.

Ah yes...............damn woman

[Soft*Silver]

I am in a femdom relationship with someone who is slowly transition MtF. It took me a long time to get over myself and deal with the boundaries I established for myself as a lesbian femme in order for me to accept this lovely relationship. Because he (and yes he still uses the H word) was born male and I am lesbian, people have been quite snotty regarding us. (not here) I have to argue my right to call myself a lesbian. These people mainly piss me off because they want our relationship to be pigeon holed under homophobic and transphobic conditions.

I found so much strength beating down my self inflicted barriers and claiming my right to be who I am. I LOVE packing. I LOVE B&D and have even started getting much more experienced in S&M as well. Physically I was waylaid for a time, but its amazing how creative one can get when one is hungry for power exchanges and all that goes with it.

my gurl has the additional stigma of being caught betwixt and between and having his identity and role questioned. He knows he is betwixt and between and thus, is his reason for keeping the H pronoun. I have never met a more honest and real person in my life.

I have had people call me closeted for being in this relationship. Really? How is this any different than all the other twists and turns of any other person in the LGBT family? I am a lesbian, involved with someone who is transitioning to becoming who he is, a female bodied person. Until then, we accept his male body that serves his femaleness. How is that hard to understand? If you can turn on a light switch, you can turn on your mind to accept this too. Calling me closeted was foundationally transphobic. And I wont accept it...

I have tried to be a submissive femme because thats what I thought would make me happy. It didnt. Once I became real and honest, I came out of my own closet and accepted the FemDom in me. I have never been happier...

I am a FemDom. I am no longer struggling with my own power struggles now that I have accepted who I am and have begun living in this life.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by softness

I am in a femdom relationship with someone who is slowly transition MtF. It took me a long time to get over myself and deal with the boundaries I established for myself as a lesbian femme in order for me to accept this lovely relationship. Because he (and yes he still uses the H word) was born male and I am lesbian, people have been quite snotty regarding us. (not here) I have to argue my right to call myself a lesbian. These people mainly piss me off because they want our relationship to be pigeon holed under homophobic and transphobic conditions.

I found so much strength beating down my self inflicted barriers and claiming my right to be who I am. I LOVE packing. I LOVE B&D and have even started getting much more experienced in S&M as well. Physically I was waylaid for a time, but its amazing how creative one can get when one is hungry for power exchanges and all that goes with it.

my gurl has the additional stigma of being caught betwixt and between and having his identity and role questioned. He knows he is betwixt and between and thus, is his reason for keeping the H pronoun. I have never met a more honest and real person in my life.

I have had people call me closeted for being in this relationship. Really? How is this any different than all the other twists and turns of any other person in the LGBT family? I am a lesbian, involved with someone who is transitioning to becoming who he is, a female bodied person. Until then, we accept his male body that serves his femaleness. How is that hard to understand? If you can turn on a light switch, you can turn on your mind to accept this too. Calling me closeted was foundationally transphobic. And I wont accept it...

I have tried to be a submissive femme because thats what I thought would make me happy. It didnt. Once I became real and honest, I came out of my own closet and accepted the FemDom in me. I have never been happier...

I am a FemDom. I am no longer struggling with my own power struggles now that I have accepted who I am and have begun living in this life.

fuck all the labels. We all move through many spaces to find ourself and enjoy this human experience. Do whatever floats your boat even if its in that moment.

Congrats! its an awesome journey and one you deserve.

[Sachita]

Additionally Softness I'd like to say....(was in a hurry before but feel this is important)

I happen to not only know quite a bit about female domination but MTF within all of its aspects- crossdressing, sissy, TS, full transitions. Men turn to dominant women because they feel trapped by their desires or confused about how they feel. They turn to a dominant mistress to guide them, relinquishing control in order to learn to love the feminine way. Of course many men don't see quite like that but its true. Sex is a very high frequency/vibration. Many men confuse love and sex because of it. In fact many sexual fetishes are much deeper issues or needs that are expressed sexually- masturbation and fantasy, because they just can't figure out the connection between spiritual and sexual. I'm not saying men are stupid, by no means, just that they suffer from the same thing we all do- a society that has taught us shame and taboos. The divine feminine is an essence present in everything we do. Much like yin and yang, we need this to find balance. You've heard the saying "feminine side"? This is a much deeper matter then most realize, at least in my opinion.

It's a wonderful thing to teach love and thats exactly what a well established mistress really does. She shapes and molds his desires to help him be the best human he can be and THEN he is that for her. She is artful at seduction and calculates her strategy even if it means reflecting his fears and constructive forms of manipulation. The privilege of power requires great responsibly and although many can attempt it only a select few ever really become masterful.

IMO a great mistress/goddess has a spiritual foundation. She must travel through so many spaces- light and dark, so ego must be in check and intentions for the good of all. Otherwise you have unbridled power that can harm everything in its path.

I've been queer all my life. I've had many males slaves and although I don't enjoy fucking them or having partner relationships with them I still loved and nurtured them. I'm just drawn to a feminine essence deep within and then sexually attracted to a masculine form. I have only been able to find this in butch women and transgendered 3rd sex humans. In fact many moons ago I met a boy who was born with a cock but every fiber of his being was feminine. He was submissive and one of the most amazing humans Ive ever met. This past little fling of mine was with a submissive ftm who has the tools to become everything he ever wanted but is trapped in depression. He constantly struggles with who he wants to be rather then who he really is. Unfortunately this is pretty common. As a Domina they are drawn to us because they need "permission" and to void the responsibility even if its really what they desire. Does that make sense?

I keep stepping in and out of the femdom world mainly because it just doesn;t encompass everything I need. BDSM and sexual alternatives is not my main motivation. This is not to say that I can't get kinky- I'm just seeking more of a dynamic then a "thing". The femdom/female led/feminine authority dynamic just works for me and somehow I need to just find the right balance. It's very hard to find the right submissive butch who isn't struggling with hys identity and is not only ok with a woman being in control but needs it just as much as I do.

But if it is any constellation you might feel relieved to know that the BDSM community doesn't get caught up in gender. It's easy to find community and acceptance there.

"Wise men still seek Her!"

[Soft*Silver]

there is alot I wish to comment on but am getting ready to go on a mini vacation with my niece and her two boys. I will not be able to attend to this until at least Tuesday, but maybe later. I will get back to it and i appreciate your response, Sachita. Some I nod affirmatively to and some, not but I value your belief. When I get back, lets do more of this ....

[Sachita]

Softness I was thinking about you, about all this and wondered how your femdom relationship was going. I hope you're having fun being treated like a Goddess.

[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by Sachita

Softness I was thinking about you, about all this and wondered how your femdom relationship was going. I hope you're having fun being treated like a Goddess.

Hello Sachita and all others reading this thread. My femdom relationship is going well. He is above board in his service to me. He has extensive experience, far beyond anything I could ever imagine, and brings it humbly to me to honor my needs. Being sickly again, his service is needed more in a caretaking role at the moment. I adore him and am grateful for his devotion.

I dont expect anyone to treat me like a Goddess except me. I take that role upon myself. I spoil me and indulge me and meet my own needs, especially if its by finding the right people to be around me. As for foot rubs or having my porch painted, those are negotiable items. I ask for nothing I would not be extremely appreciative of. None of it is ever expected out of foolish whimsical "show me you love me" shit. I dont need to be loved. Seriously. When you love yourself well, like I have discovered to do, you dont need to have anyone prove their love to you. When someone is in my life, they are there because I want them to be there. Very very few people are there for any other reason. And those are mostly non social contacts.

I also see people discussing masculine energy. I use to think I didnt have any. Then I put a cock on. Hah. I am still a femme but something bended around inside me and I got to see how not different I was to the masculined version of humans I am. For a long time after packing for the first time, I would look in the mirrors as I passed them as tho I were seeing myself for the first time. I embrace who I am and dont get caught up in the pronouns of our language. I know I am not the girl I once thought I was...

[Gentle Tiger]

Bumping this thread because the discussion is powerful. I believe it was Dreadgeek who started a thread about how to move forward as a community. I think having these types of discussions is one way. So I hope it continues.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by Gentle Tiger

Bumping this thread because the discussion is powerful. I believe it was Dreadgeek who started a thread about how to move forward as a community. I think having these types of discussions is one way. So I hope it continues.

If you have questions or comments, why not enhance the discussion?