You Knew You Were a Femme When...

imperfect_cupcake · 08-26-2011, 12:16 AM

I understood that I was femme when I had been in my first long-term relationship with a woman (been in many flings before that) and I stumbled on what would now be called a blog of a femme who was talking about her ID, whilst I had been looking up various bit of infomation about tg butch, stone butch and butch. I read the blog and suddenly all the struggles I was having with the lesbian community and my own sexuality made sense. And I wasn't the odd one out, there were others like me. So I claimed the ID and found it gave me all kinds of permission to be queer and myself at the same time.

lettertodaddy · 09-11-2011, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

I understood that I was femme when I had been in my first long-term relationship with a woman (been in many flings before that) and I stumbled on what would now be called a blog of a femme who was talking about her ID, whilst I had been looking up various bit of infomation about tg butch, stone butch and butch. I read the blog and suddenly all the struggles I was having with the lesbian community and my own sexuality made sense. And I wasn't the odd one out, there were others like me. So I claimed the ID and found it gave me all kinds of permission to be queer and myself at the same time.

Do you have a link for the blog? I'd love to read it.

SugarLips · 09-11-2011, 10:35 PM

I think unless you fit a stereotypical picture of what the "societal norm" thinks a lesbian looks like, you will be assumed to be straight.

I don't really think of myself as femme so much as I just am who I am. Others call me femme, and if that's what makes them comfortable, then that's fine. I'm a jeans and t-shirt girl but I love lip gloss and sometimes I grow my hair out to my butt and then I'll cut it all off and regrow it all back...

I bite my nails but love to paint them over and over... I love barettes and earrings and shiny things like a magpie... but I don't think there was a moment that I said, "Oh I'm a femme"... I've just always been me... lol

1QuirkyKiwi · 09-23-2011, 04:36 PM

As a teen, my first girlfriend had a more masculine energy than I did/have - it was the 80s and the various 'labels' weren't around in small town NZ. She was always more into the activities that boys did, where as I preferred doing the girly things, although, I do have a love for DIY, lol!

deb_U_taunt · 09-24-2011, 10:06 AM

I can relate. I have never referred to myself as a femme. BUT from my first crush to my first relationship to my last, all butches. Not even a soft butch in there.
I came out at 14 and in the 70s, so butch wasn't the flavor of the day and no internet to find each other. I did always manage to find some mechanic, plumber or the like though. Still nothing like a thick motorcycle riding, independent, boot wearing, blue collar butch. Just sexy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SugarLips

but I don't think there was a moment that I said, "Oh I'm a femme"... I've just always been me... lol

funkyfemme · 09-24-2011, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debby

Still nothing like a thick motorcycle riding, independent, boot wearing, blue collar butch. Just sexy.

**SWOON** You got that right sister!!

funkyfemme · 09-24-2011, 09:28 PM

I will share my own story of "you knew when.." when i get my thoughts together. I am loving this thread....the sharing and bonding with other femmes is fantastical!!!

Rivkeh · 10-10-2011, 02:10 AM

When I first started going to clubs in the late 80's, I encountered en mass flanelette shirts and blunstones (Australian work boots) LOL.... I was even told I was 'in the wrong place love' at women's bars. Well, I was not about to give up my girliness, my make-up, skirts or heels, so I ended up 'in the shadows' so to speak, mostly going to gay bars and drag shows.
When did I first realize I was a femme? Then, and also when I discovered the small b/f scene there was...at 'Pokies' drag show nights LOL

09-23-2011, 04:36 PM	#4
1QuirkyKiwi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: BBW. Unique femininity that does not encompass the western paradigm. Preferred Pronoun?: Anything Respectful! Relationship Status: Single, Happy, not Desparate or Looking, but Open to Possibilities... Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Europe and Aotearoa on a 5:2 ratio. Posts: 2,308 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,003 Thanked 6,035 Times in 1,617 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	As a teen, my first girlfriend had a more masculine energy than I did/have - it was the 80s and the various 'labels' weren't around in small town NZ. She was always more into the activities that boys did, where as I preferred doing the girly things, although, I do have a love for DIY, lol! __________________ What will make the difference to me is your strength of character and what's in your heart...

10-10-2011, 02:10 AM	#8
Rivkeh Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: In formal settings...Miss Relationship Status: Wrapped up with a Shiny Red Bow Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Australia Posts: 221 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 211 Thanked 447 Times in 127 Posts Rep Power: 3852911	When I first started going to clubs in the late 80's, I encountered en mass flanelette shirts and blunstones (Australian work boots) LOL.... I was even told I was 'in the wrong place love' at women's bars. Well, I was not about to give up my girliness, my make-up, skirts or heels, so I ended up 'in the shadows' so to speak, mostly going to gay bars and drag shows. When did I first realize I was a femme? Then, and also when I discovered the small b/f scene there was...at 'Pokies' drag show nights LOL __________________ -Rivkeh-

08-26-2011, 12:16 AM	#1
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,711 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I understood that I was femme when I had been in my first long-term relationship with a woman (been in many flings before that) and I stumbled on what would now be called a blog of a femme who was talking about her ID, whilst I had been looking up various bit of infomation about tg butch, stone butch and butch. I read the blog and suddenly all the struggles I was having with the lesbian community and my own sexuality made sense. And I wasn't the odd one out, there were others like me. So I claimed the ID and found it gave me all kinds of permission to be queer and myself at the same time.

09-11-2011, 10:35 PM	#3
SugarLips Junior Member How Do You Identify?: jeans and t-shirt girl Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: United States Posts: 46 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 28 Thanked 69 Times in 27 Posts Rep Power: 1308200	I think unless you fit a stereotypical picture of what the "societal norm" thinks a lesbian looks like, you will be assumed to be straight. I don't really think of myself as femme so much as I just am who I am. Others call me femme, and if that's what makes them comfortable, then that's fine. I'm a jeans and t-shirt girl but I love lip gloss and sometimes I grow my hair out to my butt and then I'll cut it all off and regrow it all back... I bite my nails but love to paint them over and over... I love barettes and earrings and shiny things like a magpie... but I don't think there was a moment that I said, "Oh I'm a femme"... I've just always been me... lol

09-24-2011, 09:28 PM	#7
funkyfemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Gamey as Fuck Relationship Status: I move from person to person real quick. Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: A sad little town Posts: 800 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,059 Thanked 2,824 Times in 662 Posts Rep Power: 0	I will share my own story of "you knew when.." when i get my thoughts together. I am loving this thread....the sharing and bonding with other femmes is fantastical!!!