Eating Disorders ~

[dark_crystal]

Originally Posted by Miss Scarlett

At the height of this i wouldn't eat in front of anyone; was addicted to laxatives (Correctol being my fav since it was pink) taking as many as the entire card of 15 tablets any time i put food in my mouth so food would pass very quickly; was also so addicted to ipecac that my fav pharmacies finally refused to sell it to me but i found it at a grocery store and bought every bottle they had as often as possible...

i wore designer clothes and looked wonderful (according to my Mom)...but i couldn't sit in a hard chair because my tailbone was poking out and it hurt

I was the same way about people seeing me eat- and i still have moments when i am eating and someone walks in on my and i feel like i can't finish until they leave again

I was afraid of laxative addiction b/c i had heard you could end up with a colostomy bag forever- i decided i was going to outsmart that and just have multiple daily enemas- haha guess what- long term effects the same

i got so bony that it hurt to lay on the bed and i couldn't go through doors with my hands full because opening it with my hip was too painful

the scary part is that i still think i looked great and have moments where i really resent my recovery

then i remind myself of how lonely it was- i couldn't go anywhere or do anything because there are calories in every social, family, and professional event

and there is still a little voice that whispers "there must be a way to get back to a 16 BMI and still have a life"