Breaking the Spell: Rethinking queer community

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Jett

Then again one could be too judgmental to even make a good judge...

Jett
(formerly Metropolis)

Have you got an example of that?

[Jett]

Originally Posted by betenoire

Have you got an example of that?

I can make one up... but I'll just say I've always taken the word judgmental to describe someone who is overly judgy... or critical- especially in moral, ethical or personal areas of others lives.

Other than that I wholeheartedly agree with you, we have to make judgements all the time, and we have to somewhat judge others to relate them to our own moral/ethical/social/etc. compass... but some people are much more "judgmental" than others... often very much to a fault.

That's all I got...

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Jett

I can make one up... but I'll just say I've always taken the word judgmental to describe someone who is overly judgy... or critical- especially in moral, ethical or personal areas of others lives.

I'm just not sure that's what everybody means when they say the word judgmental. OR if they DO mean -overly- judgy...as a community Queers have a really skewed idea of what, exactly, overly judgy is. That becomes apparent when someone can't even say (and I'm gonna go ahead and give a real example) "cheating is selfish" without someone going "you are judgmental!".

nb - when I say "as a community" I do not mean every single Queer, clearly. Because I am Queer and I don't have that particular problem. But there is no denying that that -is- the prevailing party line.

[Jett]

Originally Posted by betenoire

I'm just not sure that's what everybody means when they say the word judgmental. OR if they DO mean -overly- judgy...as a community Queers have a really skewed idea of what, exactly, overly judgy is. That becomes apparent when someone can't even say (and I'm gonna go ahead and give a real example) "cheating is selfish" without someone going "you are judgmental!".

nb - when I say "as a community" I do not mean every single Queer, clearly. Because I am Queer and I don't have that particular problem. But there is no denying that that -is- the prevailing party line.

Agreed... I think we sometimes feel like we are above reproach... because hey, we're queer and take enough shit so we should be able to dish a little, to me that's bullshit. And we let ism's fly...

I have referenced this over the years with the old saying... the abused becoming the abuser... it's pretty sad.

ETA: Hope I'm getting you right, been fighting a migraine for like forever now and it skews my focus a bit sometimes me thinks :/

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Jett

Agreed... I think we sometimes feel like we are above reproach... because hey, we're queer and take enough shit so we should be able to dish a little, to me that's bullshit. And we let ism's fly...

I have referenced this over the years with the old saying... the abused becoming the abuser... it's pretty sad.

ETA: Hope I'm getting you right, been fighting a migraine for like forever now and it skews my focus a bit sometimes me thinks :/

You're getting me a bit. Although I do see less of what you're talking about.

I think the part about "we're queer and we take enough shit" is accurate, though. That's pretty obviously the mindset. Like "straight people shit on us all the time, so we had better not shit on each other!"

Except that "straight people" are shitting on you for what you are, and I (for example) am not "shitting on" anybody for what they are - but that doesn't render me incapable of seeing assholey behaviour for what it is.