Loving a Transman Isn't Easy

[Jett]

I've really never understood how a partner who decides to leave someone who is transitioning could be automatically labeled transphobic (though I know sometimes they are).

If I don't find my life mate in a man it doesn't mean misandry is afoot, it means I'm a lesbian, to sweeten the pot, not just lesbian I am highly attracted to a fairly high degree of "femininity", it's what makes my heart initially go boom. Funny too because like I said, hardly misandry, I've found attraction to a few men who were highly feminine in there masculinity (I know that makes sense probably only to me but what the hey).

From my pov, cause it's all I got, I am with a very feminine femme and she has my heart... even if she turned into a big ol' burly butch (let alone transitioning) I would struggle very very VERY hard with that. I would try damn hard because I love her so much... but if that physical, emotional reaction, attraction is not there after her changes would we not be just best of loving friends? Would I be expected to remain with her out of political correctness? I don't think it would be healthy, we both deserve better.

In any relationship, communication is key, in the situation presented (OP) I'd think a person fearing being wrongly labeled transphobic could permanently shut down that critical flow in the time it most needed for both people involved.

[Stacy]

Originally Posted by Jett

From my pov, cause it's all I got, I am with a very feminine femme and she has my heart... even if she turned into a big ol' burly butch (let alone transitioning) I would struggle very very VERY hard with that. I would try damn hard because I love her so much... but if that physical, emotional reaction, attraction is not there after her changes would we not be just best of loving friends? Would I be expected to remain with her out of political correctness? I don't think it would be healthy, we both deserve better.

This is an excellent point. I have heard the stories of several MTF's and some FTM's where they were ultra masculine or feminine just to try to be the best they could be in their biological sex. Therefore it could happen for someone to get involved in a relationship with someone who is ultra femme but then decides to transition. Although it would be rare, it could happen. It would be a good thing I think for people who have decided to transition to stop and think for a bit about how they'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

I remember asking Michael once how he would feel if either one of our girly, girl daughters came to us and told us they had always felt male and wanted to transition. He admitted that while he would be 100% supportive, he would still struggle with it. I believe that is a completely natural response. I believe most of us have a degree of fear of the unknown. I believe we all would go through some degree of mourning for the person "as we knew them".

As Jett said, constant & open communication is of the utmost importance. There will be questions that need to be answered. There will be things to learn by both the person transitioning and the people that love & support them. There will be tears, there will be emotions, and just maybe....
There Will Be Blood. (Okay, not so much of the last part, but I couldn't help myself.)