Loving a Transman Isn't Easy

[Vivacious1]

I respect the writer's honesty in her feelings! I understand what she is saying totally. I think it may be easy to get caught up on terminology that to some may be offensive, but to others it is not. I think that being with someone that is transitioning is quite difficult because what is so often not seen is that the couple is transitioning, not just the trans-person. It is a difficult lifestyle for many reasons, one which I believe can be worked out with the right communication etc, but for some it is impossible because the lack of understanding on either side.
This is something that I believe is discussed (probably at length) prior to the person transitioning but it is really reallllllly hard to know what you are really in for until the transition actually takes place. Beyond surgeries,testosterone, social issues etc, there are so many issues and adjustments that are required.

[Soon]

I have considered posting in this thread for awhile.

I just want to speak up for the femmes who loved their butches the way they were born.

I can't go further, emotionally, it is too hard.

Is there a space for women like me?

[SelfMadeMan]

Originally Posted by Soon

I have considered posting in this thread for awhile.

I just want to speak up for the femmes who loved their butches the way they were born.

I can't go further, emotionally, it is too hard.

Is there a space for women like me?

I can only speak for myself - but I think your space is here.

I just want to add, that my wife had a very hard time with my having top surgery 7 years ago. She loved and accepted me 100% the way I was. I had already transitioned when we met, and she only knew me as male, but she loved and appreciated my body the way it was, and was afraid she wouldn't be attracted to me after surgery. She also felt guilty she said, for not wanting me to change my body just because she liked it - when she knew it caused me so much pain. We went through a very emotional time. I am happy to report though, that she was 100% fine with it afterwards and loves my chest now. I know this isn't exactly the same as a woman falling in love with a Butch woman who decides later to transition - I can't imagine how hard that would be - I did ID as a Butch prior to transition, but was single when I transitioned. It would've been very difficult had I done it while with a partner, I'm sure.

[Soon]

Originally Posted by SelfMadeMan

I had already transitioned when we met, and she only knew me as male,

Yeah, totally not what I was trying to get at.

[BrutalDaddy]

Originally Posted by Soon

Yeah, totally not what I was trying to get at.

Maybe he misunderstood cause this is a thread about loving transmen?

There's tons of other threads about enjoying being with female/women ided butches from what I understand. Maybe try those out? Unless you're speaking of FTMs/transguys who do not ignore the fact they were female in the past? I know a few on here who have stated that and might be some threads on it.

I'm not exactly sure which you're speaking of so tried to cover both bases.


Just A Suggestion,
Brute.

[Soon]

BrutalDyke,

Have you read the thread? It's about femmes/women who have some difficulty with their partner's transition.

[Soon]

Also, Brutal Dyke...this is the Femme Zone...so, um, how about staying in the trans threads and letting me vent about my shit about my ex transitioning?

[femmsational]

Originally Posted by Soon

BrutalDyke,

Have you read the thread? It's about femmes/women who have some difficulty with their partner's transition.


WTF with you telling me about threads where I can find women/female ID butches?

Wow, really?


Not sure why you are hostile. But it's not a good look.

I didn't understand your earlier post either. Would you be able to explain it again in another way. Are you saying that you are mourning the loss of the body of someone you had been with when they transitioned?? Or are you saying that you are not happy about the transition idea at all?? Or what are you saying.

I don't understand what you're wanting to say??? It could easily be read as not liking the thought transitioning. But i'll hold off on anything else cause I really don't know what we are trying to talk about.



j

[Soon]

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

Maybe he misunderstood cause this is a thread about loving transmen?


.

Coming back to this...actually, this IS NOT a thead about loving transmen (and they do exist--and thanks for telling me of other options!). Not at all. It's about the potential difficulties/challenges that one may have to face when loving someone who is trans.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Soon

Coming back to this...actually, this IS NOT a thead about loving transmen (and they do exist--and thanks for telling me of other options!). Not at all. It's about the potential difficulties/challenges that one may have to face when loving someone who is trans.

Soon, hi. I'd like to share part of my experience in hopes you don't feel isolated. I understand how you feel when it comes to the challenges and emotions that come when someone you love transitions and how it kind of leaves you in the dust.

The transitioning period was difficult, filled with anger, disappointment, it felt like a deep loss and I never got the person back that they once were once the first T shot went in.

I'd be willing to have this difficult conversation with you, but also I'd like to say that it would be difficult because it's going to be ugly, sad, angry and in emptying out our emotional tanks that like earlier there will be interruptions because it seems when Femme's speak or want to speak about these issues it happens.


Maybe you can start a thread in the Femme Zone about this particular issue and ask that it stick to Femme's posting only. Other than that it can be had here in hopes that this can be examined without someone coming in and inserting their me me me's.

It's a great topic a difficult topic and I hope you can work this out safely here

[Soon]

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

There's tons of other threads about enjoying being with female/women ided butches from what I understand. Maybe try those out?

Just A Suggestion,
Brute.

I cannot let this go. Seriously? Are you telling me where to go? What threads I should be on? WTF. Maybe "try those out"? What does that mean?

This is not a single/dating/meetup thread--ffs. Unbelievable. I know what thread I am on.

[Soon]

Originally Posted by SelfMadeMan

I can only speak for myself - but I think your space is here.

I just want to add, that my wife had a very hard time with my having top surgery 7 years ago. She loved and accepted me 100% the way I was. I had already transitioned when we met, and she only knew me as male, but she loved and appreciated my body the way it was, and was afraid she wouldn't be attracted to me after surgery. She also felt guilty she said, for not wanting me to change my body just because she liked it - when she knew it caused me so much pain. We went through a very emotional time. I am happy to report though, that she was 100% fine with it afterwards and loves my chest now. I know this isn't exactly the same as a woman falling in love with a Butch woman who decides later to transition - I can't imagine how hard that would be - I did ID as a Butch prior to transition, but was single when I transitioned. It would've been very difficult had I done it while with a partner, I'm sure.

If my space is here, why are you, as a man, in the femme zone, trying to tell me where my space is?

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Soon

I have considered posting in this thread for awhile.

I just want to speak up for the femmes who loved their butches the way they were born.

I can't go further, emotionally, it is too hard.



Is there a space for women like me?

Soon, I used your last sentence and started a thread so you can have that space to vent if you want safely

LINKYLOO

[DMW]

Originally Posted by Vivacious1

I respect the writer's honesty in her feelings! I understand what she is saying totally. I think it may be easy to get caught up on terminology that to some may be offensive, but to others it is not. I think that being with someone that is transitioning is quite difficult because what is so often not seen is that the couple is transitioning, not just the trans-person. It is a difficult lifestyle for many reasons, one which I believe can be worked out with the right communication etc, but for some it is impossible because the lack of understanding on either side.
This is something that I believe is discussed (probably at length) prior to the person transitioning but it is really reallllllly hard to know what you are really in for until the transition actually takes place. Beyond surgeries,testosterone, social issues etc, there are so many issues and adjustments that are required.

I can totally concur with what this woman has said. I have seen it and lived it. I was successful with my relationship. But, she told me..before i came out to her that she didn't want to be with another transman. And i told her anyway. We met when i was a butch...this is just a quick note. But, i get it. She had been with a transman prior to me and it was really hard on her. She didn't want to go through the same experience.
We parted for reasons other than my being trans. It isn't easy for the women in these relationships. It really isn't. And unless the transman can be open and observe that she is also
going through it....and include her and reach out to her and not be so...self absorbed...she hasn't a chance in hell and neither does the relationship. I mean fortunately, for the two of us...
i was open to her and i shared a shit load. And she was patient and kind and understanding that...sometimes i needed space to read and learn and analyze myself.
But, i have seen some transmen get so self absorbed in their growth and change and the woman
just gets left out. It is sad. So, i feel for you. And, i feel for the other (significant others) that
have to struggle through that ...somewhat alone. I will leave this thread now. Cause i think this
is a special space for some of you. Feel free to send me a note.
Take care and good luck,
DMW

[BrutalDaddy]

Alrighty.

Soon, you said that wasn't what you were getting at. So I made a suggestion. If you want to get all bent out of shape over it, that's on you. Not me.

If I misread your statements in your original post then hey, that one is on me and I apologize for that. However, the attitude coming at me, from you, isn't on me. Good luck to you in your future.

Hope you have a great day/night.

Sorry For Derail Folks,
Brute.

[SelfMadeMan]

Wow. Well, I was only trying to offer support and FYI, I was agreeing that it's very hard on not only our partners, but partners of Butches, and that they have the right to have their feelings and struggles acknowledged. Not sure why I deserved such an acrid response - but best of luck to you. I didn't realize FTM voices weren't welcome here, I see a lot of cross talk in the Trans threads, so I assumed (my mistake) that as long as the posts were supportive, that it was cool. I'll stick to the trans threads. Sorry for the intrusion.

[Vivacious1]

I was reading some of this thread and saw it got a bit dis-railed, but, I would like to contribute my experience. I did have a relationship with a trans-man. When I involved myself, I was a bit naive. I did not understand the numerous issues that were involved. I can say for myself that being in a relationship with him was very difficult. The things that I encountered ranged from dealing with the wide range of emotions (male and female) the feeling of being invisible evern more and the lack of acceptance of my idenity as a lesbian. I did try to make it work but at the end of the day, it was not something I could do. I felt that I could not be me.