What is Forgiveness?

LeftWriteFemme · 02-09-2010, 05:31 AM

FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is not something to force on people
like unwanted coffee.
It is only appropriate to forgive people who ask
for forgiveness
And show with their behavior that they want it.

It is never appropriate to shove forgiveness on people
who haven't asked
And show no signs of wanting it
or demonstrate just the opposite.

It's been said, forgiving was to help you feel better.
It doesn't.
Letting go of resentments makes you feel better.
Making amends to the people you've hurt,
Cleaning up your side of the street makes you feel better.

Keeping an open mind and heart will make you ready
for the possibility of someone coming to make amends.
Forgiveness is a two way street.
Anything you have to throw over someone like a net
is usually a mistake.

Andrew, Jr. · 02-09-2010, 08:57 AM

LeftWriteFemme,

I agree with what you posted. Forgiveness is a two way street when it comes to minor situations. However, I have to disagree with your concept of forgiveness when it involves molestation/abuse. It is about me, and my future. Finding that place that is safe and sound for just me alone - mainly because of my faith.

Part of the Catholic Doctrines:
a. The Ten Commandments: #4 Honor Your Parents

b. The Seven Deadly Sins - Anger, Pride, Lust (pertaining to abuse as I see it)

c. The Works of Mercy - To comfort the afflicted

d. " - To forgive wrongs

e. " - To bear wrongs patiently

This is where I am coming from. I hope this makes sense.

Peace & Love,
Andrew

Mitmo01 · 02-09-2010, 09:30 AM

The Idea of forgiving doesnt mean forgetting.....its always hard for me to remember that forgiveness is for yourself so that you can have closure and release....

forgiving to me is a 1000 times harder than retribution because You have to do the actions so that you can feel better....

In South Africa and Rwanda, the Truth and Reconcilliation committees that were setup were for thier victims of violence, so that they could have the war criminals admit in open court thier crimes against humanity.....The World should take a lesson from that area of the world and maybe here in the USA if we did that with violent criminals maybe society would be better off?

Liquefaction · 02-09-2010, 10:47 AM

One of the hardest lessons for me to learn was that forgiving yourself, others, or asking for forgiveness does not undo any of the wrongs that were committed, intentional or not.

Like most have said, I too find it very hard to forgive myself for the things I have done. But if I can not find a way to move past them how can I learn from them? There have been times when I did not learn all there was to learn and wouldn't you know, I would make the same mistake again. That is when it gets really hard for me to forgive myself but I know I have to try!

I have forgiven others for actions that I will never understand, (some things are beyond reason) but as I found out recently I still carry the memories and emotions with me. I wonder if there is still more for me to learn?

Finally, asking for forgiveness is never easy! As the years pass, I have learned that it takes a much stronger person to look someone in the eye and say "I was wrong." and ask for forgiveness than to pretend I did nothing wrong or trying to find the closest rock to hide under. Humility is a hard lesson to learn!

I do believe some things are unforgivable and hope I never have to experience them myself in order to know if this belief is valid!

Andrew, Jr. · 02-09-2010, 11:10 AM

I think we all pretty much agree then that we can forgive others, but we never forget what was done to us. It is self-love to do that. Getting to that point is not easy. Not by a long shot.

For those who suffered child abuse/molestation, neglect, etc. it is a bit different than someone belittling you because you don't fit in the click. It takes time and patience to forgive the abuser & yourself in that situation.

Just my 2 cents worth for now.

Andrew

AtLast · 02-09-2010, 12:50 PM

Forgiveness is something that took me years to realize the spirit & internal value of. It is for my own benefit and growth. Pettiness or not recognizing how self-destructive anger can be can cost far more than I am willing to pay in this life.

I can be stubborn, yet, when I forgive and engage in repairative dialogue, I feel much more centered. Sometimes, it takes me awhile to get here, but I know it is the best path to take. Now, sometimes, the person(s) that I need to forgive and talk with, may not want to be engaged in this. But, I can't control this. I can only hold some faith in time as a healer.

Can't have a garden without nurturing and tending to it! So goes mutual forgiveness and relationship building...

Andrew, Jr. · 02-09-2010, 02:54 PM

AtLastHome,

You hit the nail on the head. I too have tried to make ammends with people who I think I hurt in the past. Some have been willing to talk it thru, and others are not so kind. In turn we have no relationship. It's sad because I view life as being so short. And when I do engage in forgiveness, it is self-centering. It is rewarding and really is golden.

When my sister was dying, I told her before she died, the last conversation I ever had with her, how much I loved her. And during her funeral all I could think about is how many times I missed telling her that, or bringing her flowers from my garden. All the missed opportunities I had. She loved me unconditionally even with all of my quirks.

Forgiveness is all about love. Love of self, and love of another human being.

02-09-2010, 05:31 AM	#1
LeftWriteFemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Jersey Posts: 16,642 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,529 Thanked 12,293 Times in 5,185 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	FORGIVENESS Forgiveness is not something to force on people like unwanted coffee. It is only appropriate to forgive people who ask for forgiveness And show with their behavior that they want it. It is never appropriate to shove forgiveness on people who haven't asked And show no signs of wanting it or demonstrate just the opposite. It's been said, forgiving was to help you feel better. It doesn't. Letting go of resentments makes you feel better. Making amends to the people you've hurt, Cleaning up your side of the street makes you feel better. Keeping an open mind and heart will make you ready for the possibility of someone coming to make amends. Forgiveness is a two way street. Anything you have to throw over someone like a net is usually a mistake. __________________ Clicking on these dragon eggs will take you to my new erotic novella: Dragon Bait .........Hope you enjoy it! ________________________________________________ Please take a look at my work Click on flashing smilie to see my website To look at my Daddy/girl erotica book Click on pompom girl to see Elbows on the Table, Palms Flat

02-09-2010, 12:50 PM	#6
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Forgiveness is something that took me years to realize the spirit & internal value of. It is for my own benefit and growth. Pettiness or not recognizing how self-destructive anger can be can cost far more than I am willing to pay in this life. I can be stubborn, yet, when I forgive and engage in repairative dialogue, I feel much more centered. Sometimes, it takes me awhile to get here, but I know it is the best path to take. Now, sometimes, the person(s) that I need to forgive and talk with, may not want to be engaged in this. But, I can't control this. I can only hold some faith in time as a healer. Can't have a garden without nurturing and tending to it! So goes mutual forgiveness and relationship building... Last edited by AtLast; 02-09-2010 at 12:51 PM. Reason: goofed

02-09-2010, 08:57 AM	#2
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	LeftWriteFemme, I agree with what you posted. Forgiveness is a two way street when it comes to minor situations. However, I have to disagree with your concept of forgiveness when it involves molestation/abuse. It is about me, and my future. Finding that place that is safe and sound for just me alone - mainly because of my faith. Part of the Catholic Doctrines: a. The Ten Commandments: #4 Honor Your Parents b. The Seven Deadly Sins - Anger, Pride, Lust (pertaining to abuse as I see it) c. The Works of Mercy - To comfort the afflicted d. " - To forgive wrongs e. " - To bear wrongs patiently This is where I am coming from. I hope this makes sense. Peace & Love, Andrew

02-09-2010, 09:30 AM	#3
Mitmo01 Member How Do You Identify?: Disobedient Thing... Preferred Pronoun?: Rebel Soul in the blood..Heathen as well Relationship Status: Marked and Loved....I Belong to Her.... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Omaha Posts: 984 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,523 Thanked 1,354 Times in 579 Posts Rep Power: 927728	The Idea of forgiving doesnt mean forgetting.....its always hard for me to remember that forgiveness is for yourself so that you can have closure and release.... forgiving to me is a 1000 times harder than retribution because You have to do the actions so that you can feel better.... In South Africa and Rwanda, the Truth and Reconcilliation committees that were setup were for thier victims of violence, so that they could have the war criminals admit in open court thier crimes against humanity.....The World should take a lesson from that area of the world and maybe here in the USA if we did that with violent criminals maybe society would be better off?

02-09-2010, 10:47 AM	#4
Liquefaction Member How Do You Identify?: Femme with a dash of tomboy. Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: California Posts: 101 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 126 Thanked 81 Times in 28 Posts Rep Power: 3593	One of the hardest lessons for me to learn was that forgiving yourself, others, or asking for forgiveness does not undo any of the wrongs that were committed, intentional or not. Like most have said, I too find it very hard to forgive myself for the things I have done. But if I can not find a way to move past them how can I learn from them? There have been times when I did not learn all there was to learn and wouldn't you know, I would make the same mistake again. That is when it gets really hard for me to forgive myself but I know I have to try! I have forgiven others for actions that I will never understand, (some things are beyond reason) but as I found out recently I still carry the memories and emotions with me. I wonder if there is still more for me to learn? Finally, asking for forgiveness is never easy! As the years pass, I have learned that it takes a much stronger person to look someone in the eye and say "I was wrong." and ask for forgiveness than to pretend I did nothing wrong or trying to find the closest rock to hide under. Humility is a hard lesson to learn! I do believe some things are unforgivable and hope I never have to experience them myself in order to know if this belief is valid! Last edited by Liquefaction; 02-09-2010 at 11:00 AM.

02-09-2010, 11:10 AM	#5
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	I think we all pretty much agree then that we can forgive others, but we never forget what was done to us. It is self-love to do that. Getting to that point is not easy. Not by a long shot. For those who suffered child abuse/molestation, neglect, etc. it is a bit different than someone belittling you because you don't fit in the click. It takes time and patience to forgive the abuser & yourself in that situation. Just my 2 cents worth for now. Andrew

02-09-2010, 02:54 PM	#7
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	AtLastHome, You hit the nail on the head. I too have tried to make ammends with people who I think I hurt in the past. Some have been willing to talk it thru, and others are not so kind. In turn we have no relationship. It's sad because I view life as being so short. And when I do engage in forgiveness, it is self-centering. It is rewarding and really is golden. When my sister was dying, I told her before she died, the last conversation I ever had with her, how much I loved her. And during her funeral all I could think about is how many times I missed telling her that, or bringing her flowers from my garden. All the missed opportunities I had. She loved me unconditionally even with all of my quirks. Forgiveness is all about love. Love of self, and love of another human being.