What is Forgiveness?

[Liquefaction]

One of the hardest lessons for me to learn was that forgiving yourself, others, or asking for forgiveness does not undo any of the wrongs that were committed, intentional or not.

Like most have said, I too find it very hard to forgive myself for the things I have done. But if I can not find a way to move past them how can I learn from them? There have been times when I did not learn all there was to learn and wouldn't you know, I would make the same mistake again. That is when it gets really hard for me to forgive myself but I know I have to try!

I have forgiven others for actions that I will never understand, (some things are beyond reason) but as I found out recently I still carry the memories and emotions with me. I wonder if there is still more for me to learn?

Finally, asking for forgiveness is never easy! As the years pass, I have learned that it takes a much stronger person to look someone in the eye and say "I was wrong." and ask for forgiveness than to pretend I did nothing wrong or trying to find the closest rock to hide under. Humility is a hard lesson to learn!

I do believe some things are unforgivable and hope I never have to experience them myself in order to know if this belief is valid!

[Andrew, Jr.]

I think we all pretty much agree then that we can forgive others, but we never forget what was done to us. It is self-love to do that. Getting to that point is not easy. Not by a long shot.

For those who suffered child abuse/molestation, neglect, etc. it is a bit different than someone belittling you because you don't fit in the click. It takes time and patience to forgive the abuser & yourself in that situation.

Just my 2 cents worth for now.

Andrew

[AtLast]

Forgiveness is something that took me years to realize the spirit & internal value of. It is for my own benefit and growth. Pettiness or not recognizing how self-destructive anger can be can cost far more than I am willing to pay in this life.

I can be stubborn, yet, when I forgive and engage in repairative dialogue, I feel much more centered. Sometimes, it takes me awhile to get here, but I know it is the best path to take. Now, sometimes, the person(s) that I need to forgive and talk with, may not want to be engaged in this. But, I can't control this. I can only hold some faith in time as a healer.

Can't have a garden without nurturing and tending to it! So goes mutual forgiveness and relationship building...

[Andrew, Jr.]

AtLastHome,

You hit the nail on the head. I too have tried to make ammends with people who I think I hurt in the past. Some have been willing to talk it thru, and others are not so kind. In turn we have no relationship. It's sad because I view life as being so short. And when I do engage in forgiveness, it is self-centering. It is rewarding and really is golden.

When my sister was dying, I told her before she died, the last conversation I ever had with her, how much I loved her. And during her funeral all I could think about is how many times I missed telling her that, or bringing her flowers from my garden. All the missed opportunities I had. She loved me unconditionally even with all of my quirks.

Forgiveness is all about love. Love of self, and love of another human being.

[violaine]

forgiveness accepts another kind of passion too, when it can sometimes go way out in the water [exhaustion, trying to be understood, meltdowns, illness, frustrations galore]- imperfections of human nature, as much as the obvious blunders-

my thoughts -

[Blade]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is not something to force on people
like unwanted coffee.
It is only appropriate to forgive people who ask
for forgiveness
And show with their behavior that they want it.

It is never appropriate to shove forgiveness on people
who haven't asked
And show no signs of wanting it
or demonstrate just the opposite.

It's been said, forgiving was to help you feel better.
It doesn't.
Letting go of resentments makes you feel better.
Making amends to the people you've hurt,
Cleaning up your side of the street makes you feel better.

Keeping an open mind and heart will make you ready
for the possibility of someone coming to make amends.
Forgiveness is a two way street.
Anything you have to throw over someone like a net
is usually a mistake.

Interesting thoughts on forgiveness here. Some I haven't thought about. Makes sense that you'd not entertain the idea of forgiving someone unless they asked for it. But rather let go of the resentments and sweep ya own porch is about all you really can do sometimes. Especially since much of the time someone doesn't even acknowledge that anything has been done to be forgiven for.

Originally Posted by Liquefaction

One of the hardest lessons for me to learn was that forgiving yourself, others, or asking for forgiveness does not undo any of the wrongs that were committed, intentional or not.

I have forgiven others for actions that I will never understand, (some things are beyond reason) but as I found out recently I still carry the memories and emotions with me. I wonder if there is still more for me to learn?

Finally, asking for forgiveness is never easy! As the years pass, I have learned that it takes a much stronger person to look someone in the eye and say "I was wrong." and ask for forgiveness than to pretend I did nothing wrong or trying to find the closest rock to hide under. Humility is a hard lesson to learn!

I find it hard to forgive for things or actions I don't understand. Understanding has a lot to do with communication and many don't know how to communicate. They hear but they don't listen.

Humility and being humbled, IS a hard lesson to learn. I think sometimes we may hurt someone and not even realize it, or not realize it at the time,therefore don't ask for forgiveness. Then perhaps we have relinquished our possibility to have any type of relationship with the person involved.

[Apocalipstic]

Forgiveness is a tough issue form me.

I am not even sure what it is.

I get someone doing something bad, apologizing and being forgiven. That is easy, no matter how bad things were.

What I am trying to learn to do is forgive when no regret, apology or even acknowledgment of wrong exists. When I can't even remember all that happened. When thinking about it at all nauseates me.

Thank you for the tread and the discussion. I will be back .