Eating Disorders ~

[LeftWriteFemme]

I don't know if this has been posted here before, but I thought I would


A post from JK Rowling

Being thin. Probably not a subject that you ever expected to read about on this website, but my recent trip to London got me thinking...

It started in the car on the way to Leavesden film studios. I whiled away part of the journey reading a magazine that featured several glossy photographs of a very young woman who is either seriously ill or suffering from an eating disorder (which is, of course, the same thing); anyway, there is no other explanation for the shape of her body. She can talk about eating absolutely loads, being terribly busy and having the world's fastest metabolism until her tongue drops off (hooray! Another couple of ounces gone!), but her concave stomach, protruding ribs and stick-like arms tell a different story. This girl needs help, but, the world being what it is, they're sticking her on magazine covers instead. All this passed through my mind as I read the interview, then I threw the horrible thing aside.

But blow me down if the subject of girls and thinness didn't crop up shortly after I got out of the car. I was talking to one of the actors and, somehow or other, we got onto the subject of a girl he knows (not any of the Potter actresses – somebody from his life beyond the films) who had been dubbed 'fat' by certain charming classmates. (Could they possibly be jealous that she knows the boy in question? Surely not!)

'But,' said the actor, in honest perplexity, 'she is really not fat.'

'"Fat" is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her,' I said; I could remember it happening when I was at school, and witnessing it among the teenagers I used to teach. Nevertheless, I could see that to him, a well-adjusted male, it was utterly bizarre behaviour, like yelling 'thicko!' at Stephen Hawking.

His bemusement at this everyday feature of female existence reminded me how strange and sick the 'fat' insult is. I mean, is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I'm not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain...

I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn't seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? 'You've lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!'

'Well,' I said, slightly nonplussed, 'the last time you saw me I'd just had a baby.'

What I felt like saying was, 'I've produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren't either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?' But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!

So the issue of size and women was (ha, ha) weighing on my mind as I flew home to Edinburgh the next day. Once up in the air, I opened a newspaper and my eyes fell, immediately, on an article about the pop star Pink.

Her latest single, 'Stupid Girls', is the antidote-anthem for everything I had been thinking about women and thinness. 'Stupid Girls' satirises the talking toothpicks held up to girls as role models: those celebrities whose greatest achievement is un-chipped nail polish, whose only aspiration seems to be getting photographed in a different outfit nine times a day, whose only function in the world appears to be supporting the trade in overpriced handbags and rat-sized dogs.

Maybe all this seems funny, or trivial, but it's really not. It's about what girls want to be, what they're told they should be, and how they feel about who they are. I've got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don't want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I'd rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before 'thin'. And frankly, I'd rather they didn't give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons. Let them never be Stupid Girls. Rant over.

[dark_crystal]

-- 42% of kids in first through third grades wish they were thinner

-- 81% of 10 year olds are afraid of becoming fat

-- 51% of 9- and 10-year-old girls say they feel better about themselves when they are on a diet

-- significant numbers of normal-weight and underweight kids are also dieting: 16% of girls ages 8 to 11, and 19% of girls ages 12 to 15.

CNN: "The scary trend of tweens with anorexia"

[sylvie]

Hard day for me yesterday.
In the morning, i had an appointment with my Dietician. She is fantastic, and knows her stuff surrounding eating disorders.. In January, we start a 10 step program on Intuitive Eating..It will help me with recognizing hunger vs cravings, help me start on making peace with food, coping with emotions without using food, discovering "fullness" & "satisfaction factor" , along with other things.. We start this on Jan 5th when i go back to see her..

She feels there are things on my abstinence list which she can introduce back to me over a period of time, so i keep only my binge foods on my abstinence list and i won't be as overwhelmed..

Also, last night was my first counselling session..
i've been emotional, and i feel exhausted. i went to bed early last night and slept right through til morning, then got up and went back to bed.. Very unlike me, i love my mornings.. my head is still buzzing from it all.. Needless to say we had an intense session..

i feel so scared in all of this..i feel overwhelmed, i feel some anger, and i feel ashamed and guilty mostly...

[sylvie]

i started a 30 day Orientation Program for Newcomers to OA on Saturday..
It actually started 19 days ago, but i procrastinated it of course..
And this weekend i decided i was pushing myself to do this, so i rounded up all of the literature i had to read and with each day was a set of questions to answer about me , pertaining to the literature i just read..

It took me all weekend to get caught up with everyone else and send it all in.. SO much work, but i've learned so much already, about OA, the website, the steps, the traditions and a plan of eating.. New topic starts today, i'm on day 19 today.. At least now i can do it a day at a time , feels good to be caught up and feels great that i pushed myself to do it.. Sometimes i just need to push myself quick, if i overthink it, i procrastinate and then miss out on the chance altogether.

Once i am through with this program, i will be ready to get a sponsor, and really tackle the hard work, by working the steps and setting up a plan of eating etc.. All of this, along with counselling (my 2nd session is January 10) and then the program i start with my Dietician on Intuitive Eating on January 5... Plus the tools i do daily, (meditating, meetings, exercise, journalling, food journal, etc...) i'm starting to feel somewhat stronger and much more on track.

Of course, the hard part about all of this is i feel like i never get a day of rest.. But, it's worth it if it helps me through each day with minimal urges to binge & purge and carry on with my behaviours and obsessing.. i have real issues with putting myself out there.. i find it hard posting in this thread even at times.. Putting it out there for people to see - but it keeps me accountable right now.. It's difficult, but necessary for me..

The support & the reps & the messages & the encouragement i get from you all here , whether posting for all to see or messaging me privately is So motivating and wonderful, thank you all for being in my corner, and know that i am in your corner too.. ANYtime..♥

[sylvie]

Happy New Year...
Thought i would leave some updates, about where i am at in this New Year.
i completed the Newcomer Orientation course for Overeater's Anonymous, got my virtual chip and Graduated.. It's the first time i have literally followed through with something, without making excuses or procrastinating until it was too late..

< --- Queen of excuses at one time, lol.. (& still can be, if i'm not careful..)

i registered for the next course which is called WTS (working the steps) and i am actively seeking a Sponsor now, which i have procrastinated for so long because i know this is where the hard stuff comes in.. i feel ready, though....i think... i've convinced myself i am NOT ready many a time, but realistically, i know i am VERY ready and i need this, desperately..

i got through the holidays without touching even one bite of all the temptations around me.. At work, everyone brought in SO many Christmas treats and i was surrounded for about 3 weeks solid - i was so scared for the holidays because of that - however, i DID IT! i am so grateful for that.. i stopped exercising everyday because of all of the hours i was working, but because i ate healthy i was able to maintain my weight and not gain anymore..

*happy dancing*

my Dietician appt is day after tomorrow, which i'm quite excited about.. i start the Intuitive Eating program with her, and then on Jan 10th will be my 2nd Counselling appointment..

So big steps for me.. Programs, actively seeking a sponsor, maintaining my appointments without procrastinating or making excuses & getting through the holidays...

Today i am working on Day 3 of Abstinence - While i've probably had many Abstinent days, i didn't feel 'ready' to start counting those days... i feel quite ready, and taking it one step at a time - hoping i've got this..

~~~~~~~~~

i am working on a Personal Blog, which will be geared towards my eating disorder, addiction, healthy journey (& of course other stuff) but , once it's ready i will post the link... For me, it helps putting everything out there for all to see.. While it's difficult, and embarrassing - it's a way to keep myself accountable and really work through the hard stuff.. During all of this, i am SO very grateful for all of You who rep, who write me, who make it a point to either encourage me along or share a part of you too.. Also those of you who post here in the thread as well.. Thank you for trusting me to do so, it'll always stay with me & me only... And i'm SO here for all of you, anytime you need.. ♥ ((((((huggggz)))))))

[sylvie]

i did it.. finally!
i stopped procrastinating, and got myself a sponsor..
*breathes*

i'm an odd assortment of emotions right now..

i am scared, SO scared.. i know this is where the hard work begins, dealing with inner stuff, pain, emotions..

i am also excited, because i know that some healing and self forgiveness begins.. To think i might get myself to an easier place, or not be so hard on myself each & every day, or slow down with the obsessive behaviours.....Wow.

i am also proud of myself - because i took a step out of my comfort zone..WAY out of my comfort zone, in fact..It's why i have been procrastinating so long.. Admitting i need help is one thing, putting it all out there and holding myself accountable is another thing, but to literally do something to help myself - this feels really, really good right now..

~~~~
Also, day one of my Intuitive Eating program went well.. It's a 10 step program and Step One was "Reject the Diet Mentality" which is what i am working on this week.. It's a hard one to grasp for me, but i'm doing everything i am supposed to do & making some positive changes ... i had no idea how much i was thinking in terms of the Diet Mentality..

Lastly, my 2nd counselling session is tomorrow night... i can do this... i think..

[dark_crystal]

Originally Posted by sylvie

~~~~
Also, day one of my Intuitive Eating program went well.. It's a 10 step program and Step One was "Reject the Diet Mentality" which is what i am working on this week.. It's a hard one to grasp for me, but i'm doing everything i am supposed to do & making some positive changes ... i had no idea how much i was thinking in terms of the Diet Mentality...

For me this has been the most important thing! It is so hard to know if you are doing it "right" though. I had to get completely out of the calorie-counting habit, and focus on making sure I am just watching the carbs and emphasizing plants. I focus on that and I feel like I am doing it but there is always that part of me that thinks "maybe I better sit down and make a plan" and a plan is too much like a diet to be a safe thing for me to consider